Despite best efforts, 'poor performer' tag hard to overcome

I have been employed at the same company for three years. The first year, I received a satisfactory rating in my review. The second year, I was labeled a poor performer in part, I believe, because medical issues caused some schedule issues at work (though I had sought approval from both HR and my boss for my hours to be flexible and this time was covered under the Family Medical Leave Act) and because of a nasty co-worker who misspoke to our boss about me to make himself look good. Though I worked my way off of probation and had a good year in 2005, I still feel the repercussions of this bad year. I have tried to be a diligent worker, and kept things much more professional and tried to overcome the label. But I feel like I am still constantly having to prove myself and am watched much more closely than others in my department. I'm never patted on the back for accomplishments and am starting to dread going to work. Is there anything else I can do to turn around this situation or is it time to get out?

I'm afraid it is time to get out. It is very hard to change perceptions and the department's perception about you is that you are a poor performer despite your best efforts to turn things around.

Under a different boss or mentor, this scenario might have played itself out entirely differently. She or he might have worked with you to put a plan together to change your performance and meet with you regularly to review performance. As the boss saw your performance turn around, he or she would provide positive feedback and encouragement. All that you are asking for is recognition that you have gotten your act together and turned your performance around. By doing this, the company would have kept a newly committed worker. Instead, they will face the cost of recruitment and training a new employee, a costly investment for any company.

Let me discuss next steps for you. It is important to:

Continue to perform well at the company as you look for other opportunities. You do not want to provide them with additional fuel for thinking negatively of you.

Ensure you are on time for work and with deadlines.

Communicate, communicate, communicate so the boss knows what projects you are working on, whether you are going to make your deadlines in a timely way, and how you are doing.

Job search only on breaks or outside of work. Make calls on your cellphone on breaks, preferably outside the building. If you have a laptop, take yourself somewhere for lunch where you can work on your resume and job search online.

Try to do one thing per day to move your job search along. This will make you feel better that you are actively looking for a new opportunity.

Discuss your job search with no one on your current job. You have been burned once by a colleague. Don't let it happen again.

Learn from this experience. It is very hard to change perceptions. Employers expect their employees to perform satisfactorily and in a professional manner and will accept nothing less.

No gift for daughter of rude co-worker

There are five people in our office. One of our co-workers is throwing a graduation party for her daughter and has verbally invited us to the party. We don't want to hurt her feelings, but none of us really wants to go. The party is a very large party of dysfunctional family and friends. How can we gracefully decline the invitation without causing hurt feelings at the office? Also, is a gift required when it is a verbal invitation and we don't really want to go? The last graduation party for her daughter (eighth grade) she made a very nasty comment about the savings bond we gave her and they were such a waste. How do you decline invitations and set boundaries for future events for personal functions outside the workplace when you work so closely with someone?

First, let me respond to this particular invitation because how I am suggesting you respond to this invite is not how I would recommend you respond to other invitations. You are dealing with a co-worker who was incredibly rude the last time you bought a gift for her daughter.

Each of you needs to let her know that you will not be attending the graduation party so she is not left hanging and does not prepare for an additional four guests. That is your only obligation. I would not purchase a gift for the daughter since the last time you purchased a gift, your co-worker was not only unappreciative, but also most ungracious.

However, in a different scenario where you did not want to attend the graduation party but you all were very fond of your co-worker, a thoughtful gift that you all contributed to would be a lovely gesture. You all could tell her, ''Thank you for including us but you have a full house. We won't join you but we wanted to get something special for your daughter because this is such a special occasion." It all depends on the situation.

How you handle social or special occasions in the office will vary from office to office and from person to person. Many of us spend more time with our co-workers than with our families and friends. It is only natural that there are some individuals that you will become very close to and will become lifelong friends.

There is no proper etiquette about inviting bosses either. If you are close to your boss and want to invite him or her to your wedding, do so. If not, don't.

Some of us want our work lives to remain very separate from our personal lives and that is fine as well. When a colleague suggests that you go to a movie together, decline graciously and explain that you have so many other commitments outside of work that you have no time for these kinds of social activities. The colleague will stop asking if you decline the invitation several times.

One caveat that I want to mention is celebrating birthdays in the office. This can be very tricky. This is fine if you have someone in the office who is willing to take on this responsibility and everyone wants to participate in this activity. However, you can hurt someone's feelings unwittingly if you remember everyone else's birthday but you forget his or hers.

The other scenario is that there are some individuals who don't want to participate in birthday celebrations, not as the recipient or as a celebrant. Instead of enjoying this activity, there are some individuals who downright hate it or whose religious beliefs prevent celebrating it. You have to be aware of this and not force co-workers to participate in something that they do not want to be a part of.

Bottom line, think about what you are comfortable doing in the office. Be consistent. Decline graciously if that is what you wish to do. Honor other workers' wishes and you will be safe balancing the diversity in your office.

Use jobs experience to show value to firm

I have been employed with the same company for a little over a year and have held three different positions. About three months into the second position, the company reorganized its management structure and I decided to voluntarily demote to better access opportunities in the company. During an interview for another position in the same company, one of the interviewers seemed to have reacted very pessimistically to the numerous positions, despite my explanation. How is this situation perceived by a potential employer and how can I alter the perception to be a positive one?

Do what the political pros do, put a positive spin on it. Having held three different positions in the same company, both management as well as sales associate, has allowed you an opportunity to experience what works well in both positions and what needs improvement. You believe you will add real value to the company because of your broad knowledge of the company and its products. Guarantee the boss that he or she won't regret taking a chance on you. You know you will make many significant contributions to the company.

E-mail questions to jobdoc@globe.com or mail to Job Doc, The Boston Globe, P.O. Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819. Joan Cirillo is the executive director of Operation A.B.L.E., a nonprofit that provides employment and training opportunities to adults age 40 and older.