Heeding the siren's call of free food in the office

Every office has that guy.

Whenever there's a big meeting, you'll find him lurking just outside the conference room, ready to pounce on whatever food is left over. Somehow, whenever there's food in the office, he knows exactly where it is. The better the leftovers, the earlier he's there. Sadly, I think I have become that guy.

I don't know when I became so obsessed with free food at work, but I am, and chances are, you are, too. For some reason, free food is the ultimate office perk. When you're lumbering through a spreadsheet at 3:30 and you suddenly realize there might be cookies somewhere in your office, it's almost impossible not to jump from your desk in search of the treats.

Of course, sometimes, this can get embarrassing. You don't want to become known for showing up only when there is free food. I think this might be happening to me, though I do occasionally make an effort to attend meetings without food.

Luckily, I'm not alone. Interestingly, you tend to see the same people every time there are leftovers. It's like a reunion of the office moochers. There are awkward moments. There was the time, on a previous job, when my co-workers and I heard that there were breakfast sandwiches left over from a meeting. A moment later, the six of us in the office were spotted walking single file to the sandwiches, like determined ants making our way to a fallen drop of sugar on the ground.

Then again, that wasn't as bad as when we started to eat the food set up for a meeting that hadn't even started yet. I believe that one was my fault. I simply mentioned that some pizza had been sitting in a lounge near our office for a very long time and might be up for grabs. How was I to know it had been delivered an hour early? To our credit, it only took us about one slice each to realize that none of the boxes had been opened yet. Well, actually, it also took our supervisor to ask us exactly what we thought we were doing.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to imply I'm a glutton. Most of the time, I eat a reasonable diet. But for some reason diet discipline is lax at work.

And I confess that part of the thrill is because I am a little cheap. I love to discover that sometimes, if you play your cards just right, there can be such a thing as a free lunch. But you have to be quick, or else you'll get nothing but a slice of melon and some grapes. There's nothing worse than leaving your desk in search of sweets and finding that all the good stuff has already been taken.

If there is going to be free food , nobody wants it to be healthy, too.

Now, it's not like we have food in the office every day. For the most part, it's a rare, happy treat. Still, I work at a university, so some months are more rewarding than others. This past September, I put on 5 pounds, probably because of all the scones and muffins from the meetings that take place at the start of the term. So, on second thought, I guess there sometimes is a cost to free food.

In many ways, free food is a type of currency in the workplace. Have a boring meeting that you need people to attend? Better order some good food. I once worked as a staff assistant on a project implementation team for a project that nobody really wanted to see implemented. Rarely did I need to pack a lunch for that job. I suppose this could be deemed a waste, but I don't think so.

Recently, in Slate, Daniel Gross documented the cutbacks many companies are making on office perks. These ranged from locking Post-it notes and paper clips in cabinets to eliminating free coffee to -- the most heinous of all -- one company's plan to eliminate its Free Doughnut Day on the last Friday of every month. This all seems terribly short-sighted. That 50-cent doughnut probably buys at least $2 of good will with each employee. As much as you try, it's tough to be disgruntled when you're eating a free doughnut -- especially if it's got sprinkles!