Negotiating salary is best done in person

Q. I have a strange situation. A company offered me a job. I then negotiated the salary with them via e-mail. The CEO increased the salary a little. I then replied saying that I wished it was more but I accepted the position with the current offer. He replied to me saying that he doesn't have any job for me. He changed his mind. What happened?

A. Negotiating your salary via e-mail is like proposing marriage or breaking up with someone via e-mail. Even in this 24/7 electronic age, some things just need to be done in person.

When you meet in person, you have the benefit of being able to observe the other person's affect, demeanor, tone of voice, and body language. You and the chief executive might have been able to negotiate a salary that was more comfortable for both of you; or you might have been able to negotiate an increase in another part of the benefits package.

The chief executive soured on you as a hire when you continued to express your displeasure even after the salary question was settled. You accepted the job at the re-negotiated salary, but couldn't resist adding that you wished the salary were more. I suspect the chief executive was afraid you would never be satisfied with the job and the salary. He may have decided that you were a "flight risk," and that you wouldn't stay or that you would find fault with other things. A positive, upbeat attitude is the better approach toward a new job, rather than the resentment that you displayed - perhaps inadvertently.

In the future, try these steps to assure that a job offer leads to an actual job and doesn't disappear before the start date:

1. Ask for the offer in writing.

2. Request a face-to-face meeting with the hiring manager or human resources representative to negotiate any aspects of the offer that you want to negotiate.

3. Be clear in your mind what your priorities are in negotiating, and what you will consider a successful outcome.

4. Be prepared to compromise, with graciousness and poise.

5. Write a follow-up letter confirming your acceptance of the job offer with any negotiated terms. Include your start date, salary, etc.

This still will not guarantee that the job will not disappear between the time of the offer and the start date, but, if it does, it presumably will have more to do with market conditions than any faux pas on your part.

Q. I am looking for part-time work, 10 to 15 hours, after being out of the workforce for 10 years raising children. Can you suggest any specific websites, networking groups, or strategies? I am looking into a volunteer opportunity at a local college currently. I am also feeling that my skills are out of date. I have had a career as a marketing generalist in financial services and international education. In the past 10 years, the field of marketing has changed dramatically - between the Internet and increased specialization.

A. You can learn about the latest trends in your field by doing research on the Web, joining professional associations, attending meetings, enrolling in seminars and workshops, reading professional journals, and networking with other marketing professionals. One such organization is the American Marketing Association, at marketingpower.com. The association hosts a Career Center, Web casts, and a library of relevant articles. Its phone number is 800-AMA-1150. The RileyGuide, therileyguide.com, is a GPS for job- and career-related websites, and a great place to start your research.

Thoroughly peruse the marketing want ads, even before you are ready to apply to any jobs, and even if the positions are full time. This process will still help educate you about what's going on in your field. Also, all of the general job search sites like monster.com and indeed.com have sections for part-time jobs, by field, as does Craigslist, at craigslist.com.

Two books you might find useful are "The Savvy Part-Time Professional: How to Land, Create, or Negotiate the Part-time Job of Your Dreams" by Lynn Berger and "Resumes for Re-entry" by Edward Good.

The best way to find a job that's as "part time" as you want is to network with as many people as possible, tell then what you're interested in doing and listen attentively for any opportunity - initially even unpaid - to sell yourself as the right person to take on a marketing project for a company or organization.

Don't get hung up on the need for specialization. You can always take a course or seminar to update your skills. Your volunteer work may allow you the opportunity to develop your skills and regain your professional confidence after your decadelong hiatus.

"Marketing pros generally offer timeless wisdom. The basic marketing platform remains the same - no matter the delivery mechanism (print versus Web, mail versus e-mail, seminar versus Webinar). It's about how solutions meet the needs of target audiences," says Boston-area marketing communications professional Gail E. Pierce.

Q. I was hired in October 2007. I have never gotten in trouble with a supervisor/manager before, but I am now being written up. I am the caregiver for my parents - my father, who is completely disabled, and my mother, who has some minor disabilities. This has never affected my work since I started. I have worked extra shifts on weekends and nights whenever asked. However, I recently told my supervisor that I had jury duty on May 22. She asked that I change it because a co-worker has jury duty on May 21. He has already changed his date so he is locked into May 21. I replied to my supervisor that due to my caregiving responsibilities I couldn't change my jury duty date because if something were to come up with my parents I would need to change that date. If I change it now, I would get locked into a date I would have to go to. I assured her that my work would not be affected. May is an extremely slow month for me, and I probably would be dismissed from any jury because I am a caregiver. It became an escalated situation in which I am now being written up. I went to HR and was told they could not help me, because it was up to my manager to write me up based on my noncompliance. When I explained why I was not able to change the date, I was told I had a choice to make and consequences to weigh. My boss made the comment (in an e-mail) that "If you are not able to balance work and family life, perhaps you should consider if you should remain in this position." I wonder if I have any ground to stand on to bring this to HR and request my write up be denied, or perhaps speak to a lawyer?

A Your boss turned your simple request for a day off for jury duty into a referendum on your commitment and loyalty to your job. Don't escalate your situation further by going to human resources or seeking legal counsel at this time. Try to de-escalate the situation and keep your job. You asked for May 22 off for jury duty. Unfortunately for you - your co-worker had already asked for the previous day off for his jury duty. Although an employer rarely needs to exercise this option, it's not necessarily unlawful to ask an employee to reschedule jury service, and for the employee to be expected to cooperate, says Daniel S. Field, a lawyer at Morgan, Brown & Joy, LLP. That is the supervisor's call, not the employee's. In the spirit of being a "team player," you should have agreed to reschedule your jury duty when asked. Instead, you argued with your supervisor. She got angry, interpreted your actions as insubordination, wrote you up, and then questioned your priorities and your commitment to the job in an e-mail.

When you are calm and clear-headed, schedule a face-to-face meeting with your boss. Begin by apologizing. Explain how upset you are that this incident has tarnished your otherwise exemplary performance record at the company and that you are eager to resume your work and to re-establish a positive working relationship with your boss.

Reaffirm your commitment to the job and your loyalty to the company and to your department. Point out the many times you have worked extra shifts on nights and weekends, and indicate your willingness to continue to do so. Try to work out a compromise on the date for your jury duty. If you have been called for jury duty by the state jury commissioner, you can specify the alternative date on which you want to serve, says Field. Perhaps you can offer several choices of dates to your boss - dates on which you know you can arrange to have back-up care for your parents.

I am hopeful your boss will accept your apology and that you and she can compromise on your jury duty date. However, your boss may have decided instead to use this incident as an excuse to fire you. If she cites your "caregiving responsibilities" as the reason, you may have a discrimination claim.

This incident may serve as a wake-up call for you. Although you have managed successfully to balance working and caregiving responsibilities, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your situation. Is it time to research and make other, more permanent arrangements for your parents? Or should you be looking for a more flexible work schedule for yourself? Do you want to consider taking either full- or part-time leave now or in the future through the Family and Medical Leave Act? For more information, go to the Department of Labor website, dol.gov/esa.

Roni F. Noland is a career counselor/coach in private practice. She can be reached at rfnoland@comcast.net. E-mail questions to jobdoc@globe.com or mail to Job Doc, Boston Globe, Box 55819, Boston, 02205-5819.