Think twice before declining invite
Q. How should you handle a personal dinner invitation by a co-worker (superior) whom you exchange pleasantries with to keep things calm in the office, but have no respect for, and no desire to become personal with?
J. B., South Portland, Maine
A. You could choose to decline politely. When declining any invitation, you don't have to give a reason. "Bob, thanks for the invitation. It's really kind of you, but I won't be able to make it."
However, before you turn down the invitation, think about the bigger picture. Perhaps your superior would like to get to know you better, perhaps to improve a chilly office relationship. For you, it could be an opportunity to see this person in a different light or it may only serve to confirm your original impression. Either way, you have more to gain than lose by accepting, and it doesn't commit you to starting a personal relationship outside of work.
Q. Until just recently, I've sat alone in a cubicle in the back of my office. Recently, two junior level employees moved into the adjoining cubicles. I am in sales and am on the phone a lot. My new cube-mates have begun commenting on my conversations - both work-related and personal, and it's starting to really annoy me. Now, I know that they can hear everything. But how do I tactfully ask them to mind their own business?
D. L., Portsmouth, N.H.
A. Cubicle farms are money saving facilities for companies, but they also cost money in terms of the stress caused as a result of rudeness between cube mates. Unfortunately, they are a fact of business life today. One of the most important etiquette behaviors for cubicle dwellers to cultivate is to not listen in on other people's conversations and not to compound that problem by commenting about those conversations. If your cube mates aren't aware of the difficulty their eavesdropping and commenting is having on you, they're not likely to stop.
Ask to talk to them individually. "Sharon, I've asked to talk to you about something that I hope we can resolve together. A couple of times recently after I've finished a phone conversation, you and Jen have commented to me about what I was discussing on the phone. I know it's hard not to overhear conversations in the cubicle area, but would you mind trying not to listen in and commenting on my calls? It will help us all be more productive and protect each other's privacy." As for your personal calls, consider taking them during a break when you can use a cellphone away from others.
NEED ADVICE? E-mail questions about business etiquette to bizmanners@globe.com; fax to 617-929-3183; or mail to Etiquette at Work, The Boston Globe, P.O. Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819.
