Q. I started a new job 6 months ago, and I suspect that I rub one of my new coworkers the wrong way. I can see and feel the difference between his interactions with me and our other three immediate colleagues - how friendly he is, his tone of voice, how supportive he is of my ideas vs. negative reactions. I am mature enough to know that not everyone will like me, but I still feel a resentful about it and I find it affecting what I think about him and how much I want to interact with him.

He is younger than I am by 10 years or so, and I suspect some of his actions and inability to mask his feelings about me reflect his relatively young age. Our director is aware of some tension between us (she brought it up with me after an email response of his).

I've never had to deal with this before, and I am wondering if it would be appropriate to have a conversation with him about this: "I get the sense that I might rub you the wrong way and I wonder if there might be a misunderstanding between us or if there are things I could do to make working with me easier."

I'm not certain if I could gain anything if I went this route. I don't expect to be his best friend, but I'd like more camaraderie between us. I also wonder if my desire to talk with him is more of a petty nature - that I want him to just know that I know he doesn't like me. So what's the appropriate next step?

A. Relationships at work are at least as complicated as those in your private life, and often more so because of the amount of time you spend with these people, reporting relationships, or perhaps the dependence you may have on each other to do your job well. When these relationships work, people enjoy each other, most often their work product and productivity exceed expectations, and retention is another corporate side benefit.

When the relationships don't work, they can range from annoyance to dislike to avoidance and worse. Organizations do well to make sure any kind of hostility is recognized as totally unacceptable and not allowed to escalate.

Don’t call Max Toste a liquid chef or mixologist.

He’s a bartender. Ask him for a Manhattan, and he can make it 10 different ways: as a Louisiana (Rye and Benedictine), Red Hook (Rye, Punte E Mes), 1900s (Rye, Dolin Verouth, Boker’s Bitters) – and the list goes on.

“This kind of bartending is not beer tending,” says Toste, who started out as a busboy at Locke-Ober and is now co-owner and bartender at Deep Ellum in Allston, which he calls the city’s first combination craft-beer/classic-cocktail bar.

Like many bartenders, Toste is a musician, a background that’s an asset, he says, because entertaining and performance are a big part of both being on stage or behind a bar. He favors hip black Ray-Ban spectacles, Dickie button-down shirts, and Levis as his work uniform, a far cry from the old-fashioned black and white tuxedo he wore when first starting out as a busboy and then back waiter.

“I learned a ton about wine and service, but at first didn’t want to be stuck behind a bar, forced to listen to patrons talk about Red Sox, golf, or the Wall Street Journal. When you’re waiting tables, you can walk away.”

But a job at the Bukowski Tavern in Cambridge changed his attitude toward bartending. “I realized I could talk about music, beer, and food.

People who want to hang out do, if not, they leave,” says Toste. “I created a clientele who liked what I did and kept coming back.” Today, at Deep Ellum, he serves everyone from “mohawks to suits” and his cocktails are stirred, not shaken, with fresh twists and juices, and cool spirits. “We handpick everything; there’s no brand loyalty.”

Bartending may be the ultimate recession-proof career: bartending jobs are expected to increase 13 percent between 2006 and 2016. “People aren’t going to stop drinking when things go bad,” says Toste, who has heard his share of layoff stories recently. “In fact, they go out and drink more.”

Stop by today at noon as Elaine Varelas takes your job search and employment-related questions.

If I were laid off from my job and decided to go back to school or participate in a training program, should I still file for unemployment?

Q. How do you respond to an employee who you supervise who is unresponsive and ill-mannered, after many attempts to correct the issues?

T. K, Antioch, CA

A. The short answer would seem to be: “You fire the employee.” The issue is no longer about the behavior; it’s about the refusal to correct a behavior. As the supervisor, it’s your job to make sure each employee knows the expectations your company has for behavior, and it’s the employees’ responsibility to meet them. Otherwise, it can negatively affect morale when one employee is perceived to be exempt from having to comply with company standards.

Before doing anything so drastic as firing an employee, you need to let the employee know both verbally and, better yet, in writing what these expectations are and specifically what the employee is doing that isn’t consistent with those expectations. And that may be the crux of the matter for you: Are you, in fact, being explicit with the employee? What form have your attempts to correct the issue taken? If you haven’t really been clear the employee may not have “heard” you. If you beat around the bush, trying to be “polite,” your message could be ambiguous.

Karen Kaplan, president of Boston-based advertising agency Hill Holliday, as well as president of the Massachusetts Women's Forum, a group of 100 top female executives in the state, spoke with former Globe reporter Sasha Talcott about her unique career path, and also offered some advice for younger job seekers out there. Here's an excerpt:

Q: What career advice do you have for younger professionals?

I think being confident and optimistic is so important. You have to be really open to continuous improvement. You have to be curious, open and empathetic. These days, in particular, you have to be really versatile.

I just think if you're willing to outwork everyone one else, it's not very hard to do, frankly. From the very beginning, I thought, "If I work one more hour a day and a couple of hours on the weekend, I'll pass people who have a 10-year head start on me."

To read the full Q&A with Kaplan, click here.

Q. To make ends meet, I work part time at a retail store. The store closes at one time, and the employees are all scheduled until half an hour later. We never end up being allowed to leave until half an hour (or later) after our scheduled time. Also, when we are told to punch out, we’re not allowed to leave the store until the bosses come down to let us out and check our bags for theft. This is often at least ten minutes or more of unpaid time. Obviously, 10 minutes isn’t going to make a big difference, but I feel that once I punch out, I’m on my own time, and should be free to go home, or should be paid to stay the extra time. Is this practice common and acceptable?

A. Time really is money, especially as employees are often running from one job to the next. Employees in many industries and positions are looking for clarity about what is paid time, and what is unpaid time. Many positions involve time that is considered "waiting time" - whether it is a truck driver waiting for a truck to be loaded, or your case where you are waiting to be cleared to leave.

Plugging healthcare into information technology has been a long and tedious task. While corporate America has long embraced Internet-style computing, over 67 percent of physician offices still do not use electronic medical records (EMRs), but rather still rely on old-fashioned – and error and loss prone – paper documents. And although progress is being made, pushed by a $19 billion stimulus package from the Obama administration for health IT, privacy, infrastructure, and reimbursement issues continue to hinder the digitizing of medicine.

But there are revolutionary health IT leaders, among them, Children’s Hospital in Boston, where clinical processes, from e-prescribing to lab reports, are all done electronically. “From the moment you walk in the door, to when you check out of the hospital, is all tracked behind the scenes,” says Brad McDonald, lead application developer, just one of the hundreds of information specialists helping to change the way healthcare is performed in the hospital. “Computers can reduce errors, eliminate variance and redundancy, but having a computer in the workplace can be a major change and forces people to conform to a certain way of providing care.”

McDonald, who started his career at a supplier of healthcare IT solutions, says that being on the technical support staff for a pediatric hospital can be “high stakes stuff. These are systems that guide people down a certain path, eventually guiding clinicians on how to provide for sick kids, so you have to be careful and cognizant of every decision you make, because patients are involved.”

Our weekly Job Doc chats are returning to Mondays in November. Join us today at noon as Pattie Hunt Sinacole holds court at noon. Bring all of your queries about getting a job, or dealing with those thorny issues in the workplace.

Q: I have been working temporary positions for the past two years and have not been able to get a permanent office position despite my numerous efforts. I am in my late 40's and wonder if that has something to do with it.

A: Your question is a good one but there could be other factors affecting the success of your job search. First, you are probably aware that many employers are shifting to an increased reliance on contingent labor. Companies have replaced full-time workers with outsourced options – whether they move one or more jobs to India or to the temporary firm around the corner. More workers have some type of contracting, consulting or temping on their resumes than even 10 years ago.

Q. I have a co-worker with whom I've started to develop a social relationship outside of work. Around other people, she’s supportive, and never says anything negative. Yet, when we get together for lunch, she’ll make unflattering comments to the effect that I “don't make much money,” that my efforts to volunteer as a mediator are useless because “attorneys and judges outrank me,” and that my therapist takes personal phone calls during sessions because “she's using her status over me” not because she's rude or unprofessional.

I’ve taken her previous comments in stride, but I’d like to let her know that it seems as if she's the one who thinks people have the one-up on me, including herself. What's a polite way of saying this without damaging our work relationship?

Anonymous

A. As you’ve discovered, the woman who is supportive at work is taking an aggressive, superior stance in her role as your new friend. While she may see herself as some kind of mentor, she’s critical without giving any real advice. The relationships we have at work don’t always translate into good social ones. Sharing too much personal information with work associates can put you at a disadvantage and impact you both personally and professionally. While you’ve taken the opportunity to get to know this woman better, there seems to be no benefit, especially to your self-esteem, in taking it further.

Q. I’ve been looking for a job for five months and am really frustrated. In this economy, I feel desperate, because there are SO many applicants. I have read all the job books on getting a job, but nothing seems to work. What does?

A. The job doc gets many questions commenting on the frustration of the job search process and noting the number of months that make the entire process so difficult. To job seekers who have been actively looking, and doing a great job on job search activity for more than twelve months, (and yes that is possible) five months seems like just the beginning.

A current job seeker wanted to share his perspective on time measured in job search days, and the need to stay positive in a process filled with rejection, fear, judgment, frustration, anger and sadness. It can be a challenge to find anything positive to combat the previous list, and these thoughts might get you started.

"It wasn't hard for me to realize early in my job search that it was probably going to take a while to land a new position. And, early activity indicated that the journey was going to carry me through some pretty discouraging lows - if I let it. I decided that I needed to change my perspective and my expectations for this effort.

My perspective change was simply realizing that I now have an opportunity to control my time, and where I choose to spend it. How nice! I now view this time as a rare opportunity to do some things I never had a chance to do.
And, I have no time to waste - as this opportunity will be gone before I know it - giving way to a new position with its own unique challenges and rewards. So, I'm making sure I ENJOY the time and being careful not to waste it.

My expectations had to be re-calibrated. Calls from HR folks or recruiters for interviews have not been exactly filling up my calendar. It's even been a challenge to get informational meetings with any consistent success. The fact is, given the economy, companies are very cautious. So, the cycle time to land a new role will be longer. This added time allows me to build on a couple of areas:

- Professional knowledge: I now have opportunities to learn new facets about my areas of interest, take some training, join a professional organization, and research prospective companies.
- Networking: I now have opportunities to go to networking sessions and meet someone new, go to professional association meetings which keep me in touch with the industry, and I keep in regular contact with folks in my network.

Combined, it keeps me VERY busy. The point though is that each time I succeed in one of these areas (and it doesn't have to be big - say, I found an article and passed it on to someone and they respond with a "thanks") - I have what I call "A SUCCESS". At first, it doesn't sound like much, but I have come to realize that each "SUCCESS" builds on itself. And usually, each one enhances both some knowledge gap as well as enhancing a network relationship - in both directions.

Over a short period of time, these little wins do add up. And the great part is that you begin to see yourself in a positive light and making progress towards landing that new role. Like anything else you do, you've got to stay with it for weeks to build the habit and start to experience the benefit. The key though is to take small steps and acknowledge each event, however small, as a "SUCCESS" - as this helps provide a metric to plot your growth and keep discouragement in check. It's not to say I don't have an occasional set back. When that happens, I unplug from this effort and focus on something in my personal life that I enjoy doing.

I know this all sounds rather simple, and it may look like I am just deluding myself. However, as importantly as building my network and enhancing my knowledge is, I have come to realize that this approach has begun to enhance my demeanor as well - which is the BIG key. I am really beginning to enjoy (yes enjoy) opportunities, however small, to engage in mutual enhancement opportunities. I can't wait for the next one to come around the bend. And, if it doesn't, I will initiate one. Again, it's not hard to do - and it doesn't have to be big. And, the really interesting part is that other people start to see it in you as well.

I have not yet landed a new role - which is obviously a key goal - but now not the only goal. And, I am beginning to have opportunities to discuss and share ideas further with folks at a couple of companies. This may or may not lead to a job, but it will lead to enhanced relationships, developing area(s) of knowledge, and creating yet another SUCCESS. All of which prepares me even further for my next role - and I believe moves me closer to it."

Keep at it - be flexible, creative, and positive - you'll move closer to your goals.

Elaine Varelas is back today to help solve all of your work-related problems. Stop by at noon to follow the chat, or arrive a little earlier to get your questions in beforehand.

Ever wonder what would happen if you drained motor oil out of a car and poured liquid glass into it? It completely seizes the engine. That’s what Matt Bailey was doing one day, in a deliberate attempt to blow all the motors of 418 cars that were donated to the U.S. government’s highly successful Cash for Clunkers incentive program through Boch Toyota of Norwood.

“We need to make sure they’re disposed of properly, and that means killing the motors before the cars go to the junkyard, since the clunkers aren’t allowed to be sold to anyone,” says Bailey, Boch Toyota operations manager.

Overseeing the Cash for Clunkers program, managing the 600-1,700 cars in the busy auto dealer lot, making sure the cars in the showroom are shiny and clean, writing up accident reports, checking auto inventory, and even plowing during snowstorms are all part of Bailey’s job, and he loves it.

“I like anything that has to do with cars, whether fixing or just working around them.” A former auto mechanic, Bailey grew up with a wrench in his hand, tinkering with autos, first working on Chevy and Fords, and then moving to Nissans and Hondas. “Imports can be a little more tricky than domestics, since there’s no room on the inside of the car or under the hood, but I like the challenge,” says Bailey, whose first car was a used Mercedes Benz.

According to the National Automobile Dealers Association, in the U.S. there are more than 250 million cars and light trucks alone, not including motorcycles, diesel vehicles and commercial fleets, all of which need maintenance and repair. In today’s economy, consumers are keeping their cars longer, and the average age of cars in operation continues to increase.

Job growth of trained automotive technicians like Bailey remains strong, with the number of trained automotive technicians overall expected to grow 14 percent through 2016. In addition, there are ancillary fields such as service adviser and managers, shop foreman, and others, which offer opportunities for advancement, like Bailey chose for his latest career move to operations manager.

Q: Do reference letters work when it comes to verifying old references? I have several old reference letters from former managers who have retired or moved away. Are these helpful? I have been told from some that they are helpful but others say they are useless. Some of these letters date back to 20 or more years ago.

The question last week raised the broader issue of planning holiday parties. While many companies may be downsizing their holiday event, that doesn’t mean that any less care should be taken with planning the party. In fact, given the economic necessities of tighter belts and having to do more with less—all stress inducers at the workplace—hosting a holiday party is one way a company can give back to the employees, even if that party is down-sized itself. As that season is fast approaching, consider the following advice for successfully planning your company’s holiday party:

Pre-planning: Start now to line up a date for the event. If it will be off-site and you haven’t done so already, this week check to see if the facility can accommodate you on your preferred date. Be ready with a couple of optional dates if your first choice isn’t available.

Q. I have been hoping to work for a specific company for as long as I can remember. I went as far as to move out of state over 4 years ago to take a position in a less competitive market to gain the necessary experience.

How long do I chase this “dream job” and what are steps that I can take to force a call to action without seeming desperate or pushy?

A. Having a target and showing the tenacity to go after what you want can be wonderful - especially if it is part of a long term plan. An effective job search involves long term strategy, lots of follow up, and as you can see sometimes disappointment and confusion. Do I think you are done here? No not yet. Part of being involved in the job search is also recognizing what might be going on for the other side of the equation.

(Meg Connelly)

Meg Connelly, veterinarian and owner of Willard Veterinary Clinic in Quincy, performs a dental x-ray on a cat.

Meg Connelly is a medical jack-of-all-trades. Her days are spent doing everything from geriatric care to surgical services, with a little dermatology, weight management, dental work, radiology, and vaccinations mixed in. The way she talks, you’d think she was a physician: “I like being a general practitioner, working with patients on total wellness and also dealing with all kinds of illness.” But Connelly, veterinarian and owner of Willard Veterinary Clinic in Quincy, sees mostly small four-legged patients: dogs and cats, with an occasional rabbit, bird, gerbil, or snake at the door.

The James Herriot country-style vet who treats all creatures great and small is increasingly uncommon today. Fewer people own livestock, and most vets, like Connelly, focus on household pets, although there are marine, wildlife, equine vets, as well as those who specialize in cardiology, ophthalmology, and chemotherapy. There are even holistic vets who use acupuncture, herbal remedies, and massage therapy as alternative to conventional treatments. A nationwide shortage of livestock vets in particular is causing difficulties for farmers and has the makings of a crisis, threatening the wellbeing of cows and poultry and other agricultural animals.

Employment of vets is expected to increase 35 percent through 2016, with excellent job opportunities, since there are only 28 accredited schools of veterinary medicine in the U.S., resulting in a limited pool of graduates; in New England, Tufts Cummings School is the region’s only veterinary school. “Admission to vet school is highly competitive,” says Connelly, who graduated from Tufts in 1985. “It helps to be strong in math and science, have related work experience, and keep applying, even if you don’t get in the first time.”

Q: Are you like most vets in that you always wanted to be a vet?
A: Like so many little girls, I dreamed of owning a horse, but there were nine kids in our family and we couldn’t afford it. I used to clean stalls so I could get free riding lessons, and I held the horses while they were being vaccinated. I wasn’t scared or grossed out by the shots, but intrigued about medicine. This was during the days when there was lots of farmland in Milton and Randolph, where I grew up.

One of our intrepid Job Docs - Pattie Hunt Sinacole - is back for our weekly chat series designed to help you get a job in these tough times. Or, even if you have a job, but want advice on how to deal with workplace issues, Pattie can help you there as well. So stop on by for the chat today at noon.

Q: A 23 yr. old professional employee just walked off the job because I refused to allow her the use of sick leave to go for a pre-employment physical for a new job. Our HR dept. advised she should use personal, comp or vacation time. She was so angry she walked out and then I got a nasty phone call from her mother! Her mother had also called my superior. Can you comment on this?

A: If I understand the situation accurately, she resigned without notice because she wanted to use sick leave for a pre-employment physical for another job? I am assuming the other job is with another company and not an internal transfer or a new role with a different division or business unit of your company. I agree with your HR team that she should be required to use personal, compensation or vacation time. Even that, I think is extremely generous and professional. Some employers would have said, “Thanks for asking. Now you can clear out your desk and your cubicle. Here is your final paycheck. You have all the time needed to schedule your pre-employment physical.”

Q: Holiday parties for employees always bring out challenges, but I may have one this year that takes it to a higher level. Our company with approximately 200 employees always hosts a nice Friday or Saturday holiday evening dinner with dancing, etc. in December. Everyone is invited to bring a spouse or guest. It's been well-attended, with few issues of any magnitude over the years.

This past summer, a male employee was involved in sexual relationships with several women in the company. He resigned quickly, and it seems that people have pretty much moved on. One woman in the office remains in a relationship with him and has voiced intentions to bring him to our party. This seems like a bad idea because employees he either had an affair with or attempted to date will be at the party, some with their significant others.
Should the company "ban" him?
B. B., North Chatham, MA

A: Would it be simpler if the Lothorio doesn’t attend the holiday party? Absolutely. Unfortunately, in this situation, unless there is a legal reason which is beyond the purview of etiquette, banning this individual is not the answer. The current policy is clean and simple: employees can bring a guest. The problem is once you start banning people for one reason, what’s to stop people from wanting to ban someone else for another reason? If an employee’s significant other is a loud-mouthed braggart who becomes the center of attention, it’s still not acceptable to call the employee aside and tell her she can’t bring him. It’s a slippery slope that should be avoided.

Q. I am not doing very well looking for a job, and I know I need help to make it happen. There are lots of career counseling companies and 'get-a-job' books, and there seem to be too many places online to find real help. What works? I don't have a lot of money and I need a job.

A. The world of job search is a huge challenge right now for all levels of job seekers. The US Department of Labor says there are six job seekers for each available job, which means you need to be skilled not only at finding the job opportunities, but at competing for the limited number of jobs available as well.

You will be best prepared if you have multiple targets and a broad view of the kinds of positions you are capable of filling. This is true whether you are an executive or an hourly worker. Also, do not take for granted any interaction you have representing yourself as a job seeker whether it is in your cover letter or in an actual interview.

There are many places to get job search support, and they range in cost from free to thousands of dollars, with many price points in between. Consider all state services through the unemployment offices (in your state), and one stop career centers. Start with www.Mass.gov, and then click on “jobs and employment”. You'll see the Division of Career Services section, where there is information about seminars to support your job search activities, in addition to a job bank so that you can do a keyword search to find openings. Maximize your use of these resources. Employers are encouraged to list jobs here in addition to private search listings.

In her 20 years as a substance abuse counselor, Dot Duda treats major addictions – drugs, gambling, alcohol – and has seen it all, from the 14-year-old glue sniffer to the 70-something retiree who mixes alcohol and meds. And with the failing economy, Duda, who heads up the Prevention and Recovery Center at Mount Auburn Hospital, sees more and more people coming in after losing their job and turning to drugs or booze for relief. “We do not lack for patients, that’s for sure,” says Duda, who is a licensed mental health counselor as well as marriage and family counselor.

On a typical day, almost anyone can walk in the door, from a detox referral to an intoxicated man just off the street. “A former patient might tell someone in AA about the program, or it could be a family member seeking help with a loved one,” says Duda. “You’ve heard it said before, but it’s true: an alcoholic doesn’t necessarily mean someone who is homeless. They can be well-educated and have good jobs, but still have a drinking problem.”

Duda says her role as a therapist “to be a listening ear, and educate and guide clients.” After an initial intake appointment, treatment recommendations can range from support groups, medication evaluation, individual counseling or referrals to the inpatient psychiatric unit. “We have to use whatever techniques we know, since there is not one particular approach to treating all individuals,” says Duda.

Substance abuse costs the nation more than $84 billion a year, with alcohol and drug addiction taking a toll on worker productivity, healthcare expenditures and deadly accidents and crime. Employment of substance abuse counselors is expected to grow 34 percent, among the fastest growing careers.

Q: I just learned that the project I'm managing/working on is being transferred to someone else at another location and the 2 people who work for me will be reporting to this person also. I'll be working on legacy products. All of this was decided without any input from me. Should I take this up with HR?

A: It sounds like this was a rather quick decision. Without knowing the full and complete sequence of events and reasoning behind the decision, it is difficult for me to draw any specific conclusions around the quality of the decision. There may be valid reasons why this decision was made. In the ideal environment, I agree with your viewpoint though. It is preferred that a manager is involved in decisions which impact their direct reports, workload and projects. A manager involved in such a decision can provide important input to ensure a smoother and more efficient transition.

Still stuck in a jobless rut? Want some ideas on how to handle your latest workplace fiasco? Need some resumé tips? Then have no fear, Elaine Varelas is here.

Elaine is back to run our weekly Job Doc chat this coming Tuesday at noon. As always, everything related to the world of work is in play, so drop on by and see what advice Elaine has for you.