How do you handle references?

Last week, I got an email with a fresh, new approach: "DON'T call any of my references!" the marketing consultant wrote.

That got my attention, but seemed harsh. Suppose I hired him, and he created a hostile marketing campaign? "STAY AWAY from our products and services. And NEVER try to contact us. DON'T even think about it."

More about the consultant later. Meanwhile, consider three other approaches to references:

1) Bad: You use that tired, old resume line, "References provided upon request." Perhaps you imagine the recruiter is about to toss your resume. But then she reads that line:

"Hire him!" she says. "Because he'll provide references—and he doesn't even care how we request them. We could ask really nicely, or we could just try to beat the names out of him. He'll provide them either way. He just needs a request."

2) Better: Don't wait for a request. Show up at the interview with a list. (And of course, stay in touch with the people you list.)

3) Best: Prep a one-page list of testimonials called "As seen by others."

Back to the consultant: he sent his email out of impatience. Weeks earlier, he'd sent me a list of references, and when he discovered I hadn't called any of them yet, he figured I never would.

He miscalculated.

In fact, I'd already called someone—not on his list. You can almost always, in a linked-in world, find someone who knows someone. The person I called was lukewarm about the consultant.

Still, I was planning to make a few more calls. Then the consultant lost his patience, and lost my business.

But that's not all: I'm now a reference.

Suppose I'm talking with colleagues, and someone asks, "Does anyone know a marketing consultant named X?"

I'll say, "Yes! And whatever you do, don't call his references. He really dislikes that."

Tip: Treat everyone as if they're a valued reference. Because they are.

© Copyright 2013 Paul Hellman. All rights reserved.

Stu Coleman, a partner at Waltham recruiting firm WinterWyman, is a hiring and contracting expert.

Microsoft founder Bill Gates has (inadvertently) touched off an internet firestorm of opinion simply by how he conducted a handshake while greeting South Korean President Park Geun-hye last Monday. Here’s what happened:

Gates was on a “a visit to build business ties and boost nuclear energy plans” according to an NPR.org blog about the incident. The picture accompanying the blog shows a smiling South Korean President warmly greeting Gates as they shake hands. Gates clearly is giving the President his complete attention and respect. Except for one minor mistake: his left hand is buried deep into his pants pocket. And that is a breach of etiquette in South Korea.

The blog quotes a story about the incident in the Korea Herald which explained the faux pas succinctly: “Among Koreans, it is considered disrespectful to put one's hand in your pocket while shaking another person's hand.”

The NPR.org blog goes on to point out that this isn’t the first time Gates has had his left hand firmly embedded in his pocket while shaking hands with a head-of-state. Apparently, he did it with South Korean President Lee Myung-bak, France's former President Nicolas Sarkozy, and France’s current President François Hollande.

Etiquette is important because it gives you strategies for handling situations so the focus is on the interaction and building the relationship and doesn’t get side-tracked by a mistake that instead directs attention to the blunder. In business this is particularly important as business is built on relationships. In Gates’ case it is important because the focus of the public’s attention should be on the reason he is visiting a head of state and not on how he shakes hands. One would expect that he would want to conduct himself in such a way that it doesn’t cause the person he is greeting to have to respond to questions about his error rather than focus on the reasons for the meeting.

It is not acceptable to excuse his mistake because this is just the way Gates is or that because of who he is people should accept it. He’s visiting South Korea for a reason: “to build business ties and boost nuclear energy plans.” Whenever anyone visits another culture, it is respectful to learn basic customs such as greetings. The people you are visiting will appreciate your efforts, and whatever the purpose of the interaction, it will go more smoothly because you have made the effort to respect their customs.

Fortunately for Gates this incident is not a deal-breaker. Even the Korea Herald acknowledged this: “It is unlikely that the handshake is to become a diplomatic issue, as the president’s office reportedly was unconcerned about Gate’s handshake regardless of the heated discussion online.” While it isn’t likely to be a diplomatic incident, it is a shame that the start of a visit to promote business is waylaid by an avoidable mistake.

Q. I am applying for a new position, but do not want my boss to know. Is there such a thing as a confidential job search?

A. You are wise to be concerned about confidentiality in the job search. Looking for a new opportunity while employed can put your current role at risk. As cautious as you may be, you need to be prepared for your search to be exposed. Develop the response you would use if your boss was to find out; why are you looking for a new job, and why? You should also be prepared for colleagues to ask you should they find out.

Many people want to tell office colleagues that they are starting a search. Sharing this information can put colleagues in a difficult position if they are approached by a manager. Decide if it is in your best interest, or theirs, for you to go public prior to accepting an offer.

As you update your resume, make sure to use a personal Email address and your cell or home phone number. Complete this work on your own time and don't make copies of your resume at the office. If you do, it will end up on the office copier; it just will.

LinkedIn can be used effectively for people who have jobs that are looking for jobs; make sure to update your LinkedIn profile. Add references as long as you move ahead with discretion. Try to make as many changes as possible at once; every time an update is made, your connections get alerted. Readers of your profile may see these updates as a "tell" that you are a new job seeker making many new updates over just a few weeks, especially if you had a previously dormant profile.

In all of your communications, you will want to make sure you use "confidential" in the subject line of your Email. Title it, "Confidential resume of Job Seeker," or "Resume for Confidential Job Search." Use similar terminology in any letters or Emails sent.

In networking meetings, you will need to entrust your contacts with the confidentiality needed for your search. Your contacts will need to make sure they communicate the sensitivity and confidentiality of your job search every time they make a call or send an Email on your behalf.

Posting a resume sans name and company name has been attempted, but employers may find out. They may call to see if they know the employee; it is best to skip this activity.

When you are asked for references, you can provide trusted former employers. If your potential employer wants to speak with the person you report to, you can let them know that you will be happy to discuss that after the offer has been made. At that time, the choice to talk to your manager, or not, is yours.

By Cindy Atoji Keene

As the director of a small public library, Nathalie Harty gets into the nitty-gritty every day, whether helping patrons download e-books onto a tablet or creating an library wish-list for Amazon. With a staff of six and a building of 4,900 square feet, the Langley-Adams Public Library remains an information hub for Groveland and is busier than ever, said Harty, circulating about 5,000 books, DVDs, music CDs and magazines monthly. Despite sequestration cuts that threaten the library’s funding. Harty has been creative in juggling resources, keeping programs thriving and adding new technology.

A: What are the most popular books currently being checked out or requested at your library?
Q: Books mentioned by Oprah and other media outlets such National Public Radio bring patrons into the library to request those titles. Right now, we can’t keep the novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn on the shelf – the wait list for this suspenseful thriller is quite long. Another popular novel is The Good House by Anne Leary, which is set on the North Shore. We have also had to purchase multiple copies of Francona: The Red Sox Years by Terry Francona and Dan Shaughnessy.

Q: What are the most common type of reference questions?
A: It’s a toss up between high schoolers working on their research paper and genealogy questions from adults. I love challenging questions – one patron recently asked for peer-reviewed articles about a certain type of rare bird. It was fun to guide him to our electronic full-text journal database that anyone in Massachusetts can access.

Q: Is the Dewey Decimal System is still relevant?
A: I have mixed feelings about this. Most small and medium public libraries still use this classification system, since it’s a great way for librarians to organize and catalog their collections. But the Dewey Decimal System is not necessarily an easy way for our patrons to easily find what they’re looking for. At our library, the previous director adopted the BISAC (Book Industry Systems Advisory Committee) for the adult nonfiction collection. This is a system that the publishing industry uses for subject headings. It’s more “browser friendly” for patrons.

Q: How did you decide to become a librarian?
A: I didn’t become a bookworm until I was in middle school when I discovered romance novels. Later, my college library inspired me to become a librarian. I was supposed to be studying, but instead wandered around the aisles, amazed at the book and journal collections. After getting my undergraduate degrees and working in the corporate world for a few years, I decided to explore library school. But first I did some volunteering at the Chelmsford Public Library and was immediately hooked. The rest is history.

Q: What are reader's response to controversial books, like Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James?
A: We do carry the Fifty Shades trilogy. I didn't know anything about it until patrons starting coming in asking for it and really talking it up. So I ordered the series in regular print, large print and audio.They are a huge hit and almost never on the shelf. I did read them myself to better understand what all the talk was about. To date we have not had any formal complaints about this series.

Q: There are some reports of books as the favorite carrier of bed bugs. Any at your library?
A: Thankfully, we don't have bedbugs in our books and there have been no reports of any library in the Commonwealth that does have them. I recently attended a very informative webinar about bedugs and what to look for.

Q: What’s one of your all-time favorite books and why?
A: I have many favorites, but I love 19th century novels. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice is close to the top. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it – I seem to pick it up every five years or so. Pride and Prejudice has so much between its covers: humor, wit, romance, sarcasm – plus, it’s beautifully written. There is a reason why there are so many film adaptations of this novel, not to mention all the current novelists writing spinoffs.

Q: How many books do you have at home?
A: I actually don’t have many books at home any more. I used to own scores and scores but when I moved from place to place, they got very heavy. I donated most of them and now borrow books from libraries. One caveat: If I borrow the same library book more than twice, I buy a copy for home. Case in point – I need to purchase my own copy of Practical Paleo: A Customized Approach to Health and a Whole-Foods Lifestyle, by Diana Sanfilipo.

Q: I own a small company (less than 10 employees) and am struggling with how to deal with how to give my employees time off for personal reasons. I am not sure if I can afford to give everyone all the days that they need. How does a company balance this? I want to be fair but I also have a business to run.

A: Just a week after the Boston Marathon bombings, you raise a timely and important question. Most small business owners want to be reasonable and supportive.

Consider establishing a guideline to offer some time off (maybe 1-2 days per year?) for personal issues. You can communicate that these days should be used to attend to personal concerns or emergencies. As an example, you can explain to your employees that these days can used for a wide variety of reasons, including moving from one apartment to another, to wait for an appliance delivery or to attend the funeral service of a loved one.

Another option, especially common in retail work environments, is to ask your employee to find a co-worker to fill in for the specific shift. Often times, another co-worker can trade a shift with the employee needing a specific date and time off.

Some employers will allow the employee to take the time off but without pay. Most employers, however, will provide 1-3 days off per year with pay, especially if the need is serious (e.g., a personal health concern, funeral of a close family member or some type of natural disaster).

What you will find is that most of your employees will only use this time off when the time off is really needed. There may be a select few that take advantage of these days but those are usually a rarity. When your most loyal and valuable employees come to you with this request, you will want to give them options for taking the time off. Having guidelines in place will help you respond to these requests in a fair and supportive way.

Elaine Varelas, managing partner of Keystone Partners in Boston, has over 20 years experience in career consulting, executive development and coaching. She contributes weekly to Boston.com Jobs and the Boston Sunday Globe Money & Careers section.

My wife and I send our thoughts and prayers to the victims, their families and the people of Boston. The resilience and strength of the community is inspiring in the face of such a tragedy.

Texting is growing as the preferred means of communication, most certainly in our personal lives but also in our business lives. When used appropriately, it benefits sender and receiver with ever quicker communications. For instance, if I know someone is busy at the moment, a text is a great and a discreet way to ask them to call me when they are available.

But, when used inappropriately, texting has the potential to harm your image and your relationships. In business that co-worker who has seen you texting your friends may one day soon be the person who is promoted and becomes your boss. Not a good image for him or her to have of you.

What and when is it appropriate to text? Here are six tips for business texting.

1. Don’t text friends while you’re on the job. It may seem you can get away with it. After all, you’re not talking on the phone, so a little surreptitious thumbing isn’t going to get noticed. Yes, it is. By colleagues and by bosses. Use your break time or lunch break to respond to texts just as you should use those times to respond to voice messages.
2. Watch out for autocorrect. Inane mistakes abound. Avoid getting caught in an autocorrect mistake by always rereading your text before sending it.
3. The Bulletin Board rule applies to texts as well as to emails. If you wouldn’t put that message on a bulletin board for anyone to read, then you shouldn’t be sending it in a text. For sure, the time you send that private text is the time it suddenly goes viral, at least viral within your office, and you’re stuck trying to do damage control.
4. What is acceptable content for a text? Apply the Who, What When, Where rule. If it’s something factual about who, what when or where, it’s fodder for a text, but if it’s about why or opinion, then it may be time to pick up the phone or ask to meet in-person.
5. Focus on the person you are with. Whether you’re meeting with a client or having lunch with a colleague, put your phone away and put it on vibrate so it won’t disturb your conversation. Your colleague or your client will appreciate that you think he or she is more important than your phone.
6. Finally, no texting while driving. Period.

You can follow me on Twitter at @PeterLPost.

Q. I am interested in finding work in Boston and was wondering what jobs you would suggest I look for as an English undergraduate with limited job experience. I am currently unemployed and looking to move to the Greater Boston area with an easy commute. Please get back to me as soon as possible.

A. Many job seekers approach the job search just as you are, with little focus on what they want, and even less focus on what they have to offer. Before you start getting frustrated with the hiring process, take the time to step back and develop a strategic approach to the job search. A liberal arts education can be very valuable when presented to hiring managers in the right way.

Focus. Focus on any one thing. You can't run a successful job search if you're looking at any job; in any industry; in any position; with an easy commute. Pick an industry and a position that requires the skills you consider valuable.

Identify your skills. Who would want to hire you? As an English major, assess whether you have good writing or presentational skills, analytical skills, organizational abilities, data entry skills or any others that organizations have a need for. You have limited experience, but at least you have some! Look at organizations that you are familiar with - maybe a college or university. Identify the environments you have had some experience with and build a list of similar firms.

Resume. Your resume must answer the question, 'What can this potential employee do for me?' If it doesn't, keep working on it. Your resume must show responsibility, dedication and a skill set that can translate into work that needs to be done.

Communicate. Talk to people about what you can do in the work place. Let everyone you know you are eager to find a job using the skills you have identified. Post this on your LinkedIn page, your professional looking Facebook page and start networking. Not only will you be building your professional brand, but this will help develop and improve your interview skills as well.

It's all About the Employer. Do not focus on your desire for an easy commute, this does not promote the impression of a hard worker interested in a great job opportunity. It may be important to you, but leave that part out of your search until you have an offer. After an offer, you can decide if the location meets your criteria. In all interviews, tell the potential employer what you can do for them.

Time and Numbers. The job search takes time and a number of people, opportunities, connections and rejections before it all works out. Typically it is not fast, and I encourage you to dedicate yourself to the process.

By Cindy Atoji Keene

"Wine is Sunlight, held together by water” – this is the email signature used by Judith F McDonough, a Boston-based wine wholesaler who last year founded Mariposa Fine Wine and Spirits. McDonough is one of the few female wine wholesalers in the state angling her way into a traditional male-dominated market. “With the state's byzantine regulations, it hasn’t been an easy road but I’ve persevered and gotten my fine Italian wines placed with restaurants and retailers and the future is looking bright,” said McDonough, a former national sales rep for gourmet food products who decided to expand her portfolio to include wine.

Q: What type of wines from Italy do you represent?
A: Italy has 3,000 indigenous grapes and many of these regions are identified with specific wines. I represent award-winning wines from small vineyards; elegant boutique wines of great value not previously sold in the U.S. My niche is currently five Italian regions, Friuli, Lombardy, Calabria, Piedmont and Puglia. I have wines like Franciacorta, which is refined sparkling Italian wine – Italy's answer to France's champagne.

Q: What do you do as a wine wholesaler?
A: Massachusetts is the fourth largest consumer of Italian wines in the U.S. I’m sanctioned by the Commonwealth with a license to sell wine – not directly to consumers, but to hotels, restaurants, convenience stores, specialty grocery stores and caterers with a liquor license. I get my wine from the winery, supplier or vendor and then call on sommeliers, chefs, managers, and other distributors. It’s hard work, but I also get to taste wine and talk about it for a living. I also organize wine tastings, and other events to promote wine.

Q: Describe a typical sales call.
A: I carry a nice segmented tote bag that holds 12 bottles of wine and I am also permitted to transport up to 10 cases in my vehicle. I’ll recommend wines in my portfolio that best enhance a client’s menu. When we begin tasting, I uncork the wine and am the first to sample. I look at the work, smell the wine, pour it in the glass and aerate it by swirling – it’s called snuffing – then spit. I’ll make sure the wine is showing and tasting properly.

Q: How does one get a license to sell wine?
A: The Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission (ABCC) requires a copious amount of documentation to be filed, as well as an interview, financial review, criminal background check, and necessary fees. They want to know where the wine will be stored; how you’re being funded; origin of the wines, and other details. I am storing my wine in a public warehouse in Mansfield that has been approved by the ABCC; according to blue laws, this warehouse must be three miles from a church or school.

Q: Why has wine wholesaling been a male-dominated market up till now?
A: I have no idea but it’s been all about the old boys club. A lot of businesses are very loyal to their current distributor and won’t consider a new face. It’s very difficult as a female to bring in wines that have never been tried before. A lot of New Englanders don’t like change. But you have to be tough, and you can’t take “no” for an answer.

Q: What’s your favorite wine?
A: That’s a very tough question. I love Old World wines that have a varied character, balance of components, complexity and a sense of place, such as Ugo Lequio, Barbaresco, Chiaromonte, and Riserva.

Q: What’s your go-to sales outfit?
A: Always an elegant dress and great shoes (La Petite Robe di Chiara Boni, Elie Tahari). If I’m delivering wine, I’ll wear leggings or jeans, a great shirt and leather jacket and boots. I like effortless ease.

Q: Are there community career services where people can go to talk to someone about their career options? This is for someone who has been working for over a decade, does not have a college education (so no alumni career services), is employed (so I don't think he can go through unemployment services), but is extremely unhappy in his career. He needs to talk to someone about how his skills can transfer to another field, but he doesn't have money to throw at a fancy boutique service. Any suggestions?

A: Great question. One major point to clarify: the Massachusetts One-Stop Career Centers are an option. These centers primarily assist job seekers who are unemployed but their services are also available to those looking to change jobs. They have offices throughout the state and run a variety of workshops on resume writing, interviewing skills and even using LinkedIn during a job search. Attending some of their workshops and events may be a challenge for a working person because many are scheduled during the day. However, there are services available through their website. Check out www.mass.gov/lwd/employment-services/.

Additionally, many public libraries, including Newton Free Library, offer free workshops which may be more convenient for a job seeker currently employed. Tammy Gooler Loeb, career and executive coach and contributor to the library’s career development series, explains, “The Newton Free Library offers a monthly Job Seekers and Career Development Series, free to the public. Upcoming programs include Interview with Confidence in April and Social Media and Your Job Search in May. The library offers many resources for job seekers, including a reference librarian who specializes in career services. For more information on this series and additional events at the library, visit www.newtonfreelibrary.net/events/talks.asp. Reading Public Library has a similar program. On Wednesday evening, May 8th, I will be speaking as part of the Job Search Skills series at the Reading Public Library. For more info, visit www.readingpl.org.

Lastly, explore www.boston.com/jobs. There is a wealth of relevant and contemporary information for job seekers. Under “advice,” there is even more information on job-related topics, including common resume blunders to a discussion of what occupations are expected to grow. Thankfully there are quite a few resources available at low or no cost.

One concern managers have about a training seminar is what happens the next day, or the next, or the next. How do they keep the learning experienced in the seminar alive? In my field, how do they make the etiquette training a part of their workplace’s culture?

It’s not easy to change a culture, but it can be done. I had one client who had about 250 individuals scheduled to attend my business etiquette seminar in groups of about 30 people. The first group comprised all the senior staff including the CEO. At the appointed hour, no one was in the room. It took about twenty more minutes before all of the participants were present. There was much apologizing and hemming and hawing about the culture of the business and how it was routine for people to arrive late to meetings. Interestingly, management was interested in changing the company’s culture but weren’t sure how to go about doing it. I suggested that from here on, everyone from the CEO on down would be expected to arrive on time and meetings would begin on time. No one would be held accountable for past transgressions, but from here on in “on time” was the rule. And I pointed out that for the etiquette seminars I was teaching it was really important that people arrive on time. We only had two hours to teach and losing twenty minutes to lateness was a real problem—not to mention a dollar loss to the company.

A couple of days later, I held the second session. I was pleased that about 80% of the people were in their seats at the appointed time. They were quick to point out that the message had gotten out that they should be on time. I started the seminar as scheduled and the rest of the group trickled in after the seminar had begun. For them, entering a session that had already started was uncomfortable, but it was a good object lesson about being on time. By the third session, everyone was on time. And it continued like that for the remainder of the seminars.

The key here is to set standards and expectations. Certainly, those standards and expectations ought to be reasonable, and, they need to be explained clearly and in a positive manner.

Once the standards and expectations are established, it’s important that the rules are followed by everyone from the CEO on down and enforced consistently. It does no good to set expectations for employees that management are not held to as well. That only fosters discord and creates a negative workplace atmosphere.

By clearly stating the expectation, following through on the expectation, and holding everyone accountable, the company was able to change it's culture. Being on time became a company trademark.

Q. I am unemployed, and don’t have a manager to assign my work, my deadlines or even to set my expectations. I’m not doing a great job of holding myself accountable to anything. How do I manage my job search so that I can actually find a job? Is it really a full time job?

A: Yes, an effective job search is a full time job, and if you think you need help managing your time during the job search, then you probably do. Recruit your most organized friend or family member to help establish a schedule and plan for how you will complete job search activities each day. Even with friends to support you, you can probably benefit from job search management tools like jibberjobber.com. It's a free and easy-to-use tool that allows you to manage your job search information, activity and your career when you land your next great opportunity.

As with any full time job, you don’t spend 40 hours doing one thing. There are many projects; some are higher priority than others, and performing high value tasks is the best way to be successful. After you develop a great resume and cover letter, develop your project plan and follow it. Start and:

Set a schedule: Decide how much time you are realistically willing and able to dedicate to your job search and set a daily schedule that maps to that plan. The most successful job seekers dedicate at least 25 hours a week to job search activities and they stick to it.

Put yourself out there: Effective job seekers do not sit in front of computer all day and apply for jobs. They schedule at least three face-to-face networking meetings a week and the phone time it takes to make that happen. The more you network and sell your talents to people in person, the more memorable you will be and the more likely these contacts will refer you to others.

Get Out of the House: Laundry, rooms that need to be painted and dust bunnies may be calling you every minute you are at home. Ignore all that noise and find a job search support group. Civic and religious organizations offer these, as well as outplacement firms. Surround yourself with people doing the same kind of work.

Take a time out: Take time out during the week to schedule social time and time to enjoy not working. Schedule breaks for yourself each day to do things like exercise, read the news and eat well. As important as it is for you to be diligent in your job search, it’s also important to take the same kind of breaks you would allow yourself during a workday so that you avoid burning out.

Avoid Avoidance: It’s easy to spend time on unimportant details like the font style on your resume to avoid high-priority tasks, but committing to the hard work is what pays off; it’s a must. If you don’t like making calls to schedule networking meetings, start your day with at least 30 minutes of that activity. Avoid the trivial and easy activity, and push yourself to complete the challenging high value activity that may make you uncomfortable, but will make you employed.

Judy Shen-Filerman is founder and principal of Dreambridge Partners in Arlington, a cross-cultural leadership development firm.

By Cindy Atoji Keene

In the quest to understand the mystery of sleep, researcher Erin Evans has studied the effects of sleep deprivation in high stress work situations, from astronauts to police and doctors. “Sleep is more complicated than most people realize,” said Evans, a sleep medicine fellow at Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women’s Hospital. The effects of disrupted circadian rhythms – or the sleep-wake cycle – has been linked to everything from forgetfulness to obesity and heart disease. In addition to her sleep research, Evans is a sleep consultant at Isis Parenting, helping hundreds of families improve the sleeping habits of their children. As a mom of two children, though, Evans admits that even as a sleep expert, she’s constantly challenged by her 2-year-old son, who is a textbook case of a “poor sleeper.” “I thought I knew everything about sleep, but he’s putting me through the wringer.”

Q: You recently gave a seminar on how to help your child and yourself sleep better – what was the gist of the information you presented?
Q: I think many parents don’t know where to begin to address sleep issues. It’s only when sleep is being taken from you that it becomes an all-consuming concern. We imagine this peacefully sleeping baby but don’t know how to get to this reality. Sleep in a young infant is a moving target and while one 4-month-old might sleep through the night, another may need to nurse a few times a night. I firmly believe that there is no "one-size-fits-all" strategy. The most important thing is to develop a plan that is realistic and that the family can implement with consistency.

Q: How did you get interested in sleep as a research topic?
A: Sleep takes up a third of our lives. But why do we need to sleep so much? What is the point? We know now that sleep plays an important role in memory, learning, and cognition, but 10 years ago, when I first started studying sleep, it was more of a huge mystery. There continue to be many unanswered questions about sleep that intrigue me.

Q: What are the different ways to test sleep?
A: It depends what you're looking at. For insomnia, for example, people may not necessarily report sleep accurately – often they ‘misremember’ the amount of time they actually sleep. Sleep duration can be studied with a watch-like device that has an accelerometer inside. Because sleep and wakefulness differ by the amount of body movement, this wrist actigraph measures motion. If we have more extensive question, such as what does caffeine or light exposure due to sleep, we might use electrodes to look at brainwaves.

Q: What did you find out in your study of astronauts?
A: I went to the Johnson Space Center in Houston to speak to astronauts before and after space shuttle voyages. This was part of the largest study of sleep in space ever conducted. Astronauts sleep a little less in space and we wanted to find out why, and whether we can control this. We are now analyzing that data.

Q: Do you ever take naps?
A: I do, because I work the night shift, monitoring sleep studies. There’s a saying among sleep researchers, ‘Some must watch, while some must sleep.’ As a result, I often need to take a nap to set myself up for optimal cognition during the night.

Q: When there are sleeping scenes in movies, what do they usually get wrong or right?
A: They are almost always wrong. I find myself yelling at the television every time that happens. If someone is doing a sleep study, for example, they’ll put electrodes on someone to find out about their dreams. This cannot happen – we look at brainwave activity, but can’t know what someone is thinking or dreaming about.

Q: I love my married name. It's a rhyme-y, memorable name, which is a vast improvement over my maiden name, and I feel it's a nice fit for my line of work. Unfortunately, someone in the entertainment industry also feels the same way. If you do a quick internet search of my name, the majority of the hits on the first page refer to an elegant and demure entertainer. I have recently started looking for a new job and I'd hate to miss out on an employment opportunity just because the hiring manager thinks I'm someone else.

What's should be my plan of action here? I've thought about including some sort of disclaimer on my resume, maybe a light-hearted joke about not googling my name from a work computer, making sure the safe search is on, and rest assured, I am not THAT (insert name here). I'm a designer, and we designers get a bit more, uh, creative freedom with our resumes. Or is it best to just ignore the issue and count on the intelligence of my future employer to know the difference?

A: Your problem is more common than you would think. Several years ago, I answered a similar question in this column. As I recall the details of that question from a few years back, the job seeker was concerned about being mistaken for a famous convicted felon with the exact same name from the exact same town!

First, think about how you can alter your name so it is bit different than the exact name of the well-known entertainer. If the famous person’s name is John Robinson, consider using John R. Robinson, III or Jack Robinson. Or you could also consider attaching an acronym like BFA after your name to clearly designate that you hold a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree. Some may still ask you about your name, but it sounds like you are ready to respond with a little dose of humor. Also, consider developing a Linkedin profile and adding the URL to your resume. The reader can then look at your profile, including your photo, and be assured that you are not the famous individual.

Those who share names with the famous carry a bit of a burden. However, usually after the initial comment or joke, the focus is on the candidate’s ability to do the job.

On a related note, I had a client several years back that had a small department of four employees. Three of the four employees had the first name of Sara or Sarah. When hiring additional staff for this team, they hoped they could find talent with a different first name.

Good luck with your search!

If you ask my wife about my best traits, "flexible" won't be on her list. So I couldn't wait to tell her, one day, what a long-time client said.

"Apparently," I said, "I'm the most flexible consultant she's ever worked with."

"Apparently," my wife said, "she's never had lunch with you."

My wife has a point here. I'm the sort of person who orders salad "with dressing on the side," a tuna sandwich "without extra mayo," and iced tea "with very little ice."

But my client wasn't talking lunch. And she wasn't just complimenting me, she was subtly influencing me. "I value flexibility," she was basically saying. "Keep doing that."

How do you communicate expectations?

There's a big difference, for example, between telling a child, "if you go to college," versus saying, "when you go to college."

Suppose, as a manager, you believe in Theory X. That's what Douglas McGregor, years ago, called the expectation that employees are lazy and unmotivated.

Theory Y, according to McGregor, is the opposite expectation. And a Theory Y manager will create a different climate and get different results than a Theory X manager.

Sometimes, you and I convey our expectations nonverbally, without even realizing it.

One disturbing study (take a breath here) involved rats. Lab technicians were given some rats, and then told they had to learn to run a maze.

Note: It was the rats who had to run the maze, not the lab techs. But if I were a lab tech, I'd definitely learn to run the maze, or run the hallways, or run for my life—anything to escape the rats.

Some lab techs were told their rats were super-smart and would learn the maze quickly. Other techs were told the opposite. And, sure enough, the smart rats outperformed the stupid ones from day one.

But both groups of rats were the same. The only difference—in a Theory X, Theory Y way—were the lab techs' expectations ("Expectations May Alter Outcomes," Wall Street Journal, 11/7/03).

Tip #1: Pay attention to your expectations. They influence behavior, yours and others, more than you think.

#2: McGregor's point wasn't to be a Theory Y manager 24/7. Sometimes Theory X is justified.

#3: For lunch, California Pizza Kitchen makes an excellent tortilla soup. But hold the extra tortilla chips.

© Copyright 2013 Paul Hellman. All rights reserved.

Pattie Hunt Sinacole is a human resources expert and works for First Beacon Group in Hopkinton, an HR consulting firm. She contributes weekly to Boston.com Jobs and the Boston Sunday Globe Money & Careers section.

The opportunity has finally arrived. You’ve attended business meals with your boss and with clients, but you haven’t hosted one yourself. This is your chance to shine.

But it can also be your chance to flame out. You might choose a restaurant that is so noisy you can’t hear or you might try that new place in town only to discover that the food is only adequate at best. What can you do to make sure your business meal comes off without a hitch? Here are seven tips:

1. Know your guest. What kind of food does he or she like? The best way to find out is to ask your guest or an assistant when you call. If asking directly feels too awkward, you can suggest two or three different types of restaurants and ask the guest which she prefers.
2. Choose a restaurant you know. You should always check out a restaurant first. Poor food will quickly put a damper on any event. Food quality and noise levels are important. But so, too, are comfortable chairs and at least some spacing between tables to allow for confidential conversation. Location matters as well: Choose a place that is relatively convenient for your guest.
3. Invite in advance. Last minute invites stand a much greater chance of being turned down—one week’s notice at a minimum.
4. Who’s paying? Traditionally, the person dong the asking is the host and is the person doing the paying. You should be prepared to pay the bill, so choose a restaurant that’s within your budget. If you can do it, arrange to pay the bill ahead of time so a check never even comes to the table. That way your focus remains on your guest and not on checking the bill and figuring the tip.
5. Establish the “Why”. Let your guest know the purpose of your getting together so he can bring pertinent materials with him. Or, it may simply be a friendly meal, an opportunity to get to know each other better. As the host, it’s your decision as to whether any business will be discussed during the meal.
6. Reserve ahead of time. It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. Make a reservation, and make it early. Arriving without one is a sure-fire way to end up embarrassed.
7. Reconfirm. That means check with your guest again on the morning of a lunch or dinner event. For a breakfast meeting, check the afternoon before. And while you’re at it, check with the restaurant, too, just to be sure your reservation is in order.