Q: How do I combat age discrimination in hiring? I am 61 and I know that it is happening to me.

A: Unfortunately age discrimination does exist. A 2012 survey conducted by the AARP reported that almost one-third of Massachusetts residents report that they, or someone they know, has experienced some type of age discrimination. AARP is a non-profit advocacy group with a focus on those 50 years old and over.

Here are some suggestions:
• Ensure that your skills are current. Dated skills can hinder your search.
• Be tech savvy. Use social media as part of your job search. You should have a basic understanding of tools like Linkedin, Facebook, Twitter.
• Use technology to your advantage. Make sure that you research prospective employers in advance of any interviews.
• Consider a functional resume, which highlights your skills and accomplishments rather than dates.
• If using a chronological resume, consider summarizing your early career roles and focus on the last 15 years or so.
• Think about what age biases exist. Maybe they include inflexibility or an inability to learn new tasks? Within your responses to an interviewer’s questions, weave in examples that counter those assumptions. An example:

Interviewer question: Anne, tell me about a time when you had to train a new employee while you worked at ABC Company?
Your possible response: At ABC, I was often asked to train new employees based on my knowledge of XYZ software. I realize how important flexibility is when you are a member of a growing team. At ABC, we had a period of incredible growth in 2011, so I probably trained about five new employees during that period of time. (Then provide specifics on the process of how you trained new employees).

Finally, I asked Career and Executive Coach Tammy Gooler Loeb of
Tammy Gooler Loeb Coaching & Consulting what advice she would offer. Loeb offers, “Most people underestimate the scope of their network and its ability to be helpful in their job search. These can be both professional and personal connections. You are not only connecting with them, but also with the people in their extended networks who may be of assistance as well.”

My daughter's boyfriend, post-college, is trapped in a room with me, which is not good. I'm interrogating him. We'll return to him later.

"Empathize with the enemy," said Robert McNamara, former U.S. Secretary of Defense. You'd expect a Defense Secretary to be tough and, well, defensive. But for McNamara, empathy was a major life lesson.

What is empathy, anyway? It's not sympathy. In war, after you empathize with the enemy, you might kill him. Empathy means, like a good chess player, you study the board from all angles.

How do you do that?

"Be the other person," said psychologist Fritz Perls. Pretend, for a minute or two, you're him or her.

Suppose I'm having trouble with my graphic designer, Maxine. Her output is late and doesn't meet expectations. Maxine and I need to talk.

But first, following Fritz Perls's advice, I imagine being Maxine: "Ok," I say, "I'm Maxine. And Paul's right, I'm a complete screw-up."

No, no, no. That's not Maxine, that's me.

Maxine might say, "Paul doesn't give me enough time. And he's not clear; I'm never sure what he wants."

Is she right? Well, maybe. And even if she's not, it helps to anticipate her perspective.

Usually, we're so trapped in our own perspective, we don't even consider it a "perspective." We just assume we're right.

Let's go back to that boyfriend in the living room. How'd he get there?

One Sunday, my daughter, Becca, and her boyfriend, Max (yes, an alias) came for lunch, and I agreed to help Max prep for a job interview.

If you're a father, that's a wonderful assignment. You get to take Max into the living room, and ask him anything.

I could say, "So, Max, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

Max (puzzled): "Are they really going to ask that?"

Me: "Max, they could ask you ANYTHING."

Max and I rehearsed for a few hours. Then, as he and Becca got ready to leave, I wished him luck, and asked him to email how it went.

"Ok," he said, "but if you don't hear from me, I'm sure Rebecca will keep you posted." Then they drove off.

I was surprised by Max's response. "Is it so hard to email?" I asked my wife.

"Well," she said, "imagine you're him, and your interview goes badly—do you really want to tell Becca's father?"

Turns out, Max got the job.

But not the girl. My daughter just married a lovely man, very empathic, who understands many things, including email.

Tip: Shift perspective. (You can always return to yours.)

© Copyright 2013 Paul Hellman. All rights reserved.

Just last night I watched a television commercial which featured several people who own their own small business (really small, like one-person shops or a business with fewer than five or six people). They talked about their customers or clients who were just down the street.

Their experience got me thinking that their clients can easily be people they know outside of a work relationship. They may, in fact, also be friends. Doing business with friends adds to the complexity of the relationship. It's harder to ask for money from a friend. It’s the primary reason we counsel people not to lend money to friends. Getting paid back can be risky, and resentment over an unpaid debt often ends up ruining the friendship.

In business when you do work for someone and they owe you money for that work, they have, in essence, borrowed from you and now owe you. Businesspeople will tell you that clearing accounts receivable is one of the nastiest, most unpleasant parts of being in business. Many businesses actually build in an expense line in their budgets to account for people who don't pay their bills.

Now, add in the complication of the client being a friend and the money problem gets even trickier. Yet, in spite of that complication, people do business with friends. Here are three tips to help make that business relationship successful, help you keep the friendship and still get paid for your work.

1. Bids. Make sure you spell out the scope of the work very carefully. When dealing with a friend, the danger is to be loose with how the work is defined. That lack of specificity is the start of having the work not go well and payment may not be commensurate with the work done.
2. Contract. When you go to a service area for work on a car, they routinely look at your vehicle and then give you an itemized proposal for the work that needs to be done. You sign on the dotted line for that work. Similarly, you need to draw up a work order, a contract with your friend that identifies the work, the deadlines, and the payment schedule for the work. Have your friend sign the contract to indicate his agreement to its conditions.
3. Payment. Getting paid is the hard part, especially when a friend drags her feet. It's amazing how fast money can become a problem between friends. Be firm, but not angry in any communication with your friend. One option to help mitigate the problem of payment at the end of a job is to have payments due at specific completion points throughout the job.

Finally, even though this is your friend, avoid the temptation to make any promises that you can't deliver on. It's better to say “No" up front than risk serious harm by not delivering
what you promised.

Q. If I am using a Headhunter to search for a job, what do I owe them in terms of exclusivity? How do I ethically work with two or more headhunters? Thanks.

A. First, unlike a romantic relationship, there is no exclusivity with a headhunter or recruiter and you aren't cheating on them if you select to see another one on the side. That should help put aside any guilty conscience or ethical dilemmas you are struggling with. However, there are some important considerations to make when working with recruiters, including how many you should be aligned with at any one time.

You need to be clear on what type of recruiter is right for your job search. Executive or retained search firms are paid up front by companies to fill a very specific role. If you are in a senior role, you should make contact with many retained search firms that specialize in your industry and role; there is no overlap with retained search firms trying to fill the same positions.

Contingency search firms are paid by the company after they fill the position and a few firms may be working to fill the same job at the same time. In general, it is expected that a job seeker will work with multiple recruitment firms. Partnering with only one limits the scope of your job search and puts too much emphasis on just one source. Just like you wouldn't respond to only one job posting, you shouldn't put all your eggs into one recruitment basket. On the flip side, by engaging with a plethora of different headhunters, you run the risk of them not taking your search seriously. Going back to the dating analogy, you will get more attention from someone who knows you are committed to them, even if it's not exclusively. I generally advise candidates to have two or three trusted recruiters in their job search circle.

According to Dave Sanford, EVP of Client Services for WinterWyman, a search and contract staffing firm headquartered in Waltham, “More importantly than the number of recruiters helping with your search, though, is the relationship you have with them. No matter if you are working with one headhunter or two, you want to be partners with them.” You have to trust in their ability to listen to you, learn about you, guide you and be truthful (whether good or bad). Seek out someone who is honest, open and well-connected. Ask if they can help you. If they tell you they can not help in your search, appreciate the honest response and look for other recruiting firms who can. Continuing to call or Email a recruiter who can not assist in your job search efforts will only frustrate you and it won’t change their response.

Finally, if your expectations aren't being met, don't be afraid to change partners mid-dance if you aren't seeing the results you are looking for.

By Cindy Atoji Keene

It’s called the “shelter shuffle” – the unstable life of the chronically homeless as they move from one place to another in a transient street life. For Deborah Conway, a longtime worker at Rosie’s Place, homelessness is also a state of vulnerability for violence, health risks, and emotional despair – especially for women. “If we are just able put a roof over their head, provide clothing, and a warm meal, this is a huge step toward giving them dignity as a human being,” said Conway, 48, who is the overnight manager at this Boston resource for poor, homeless or abused women to seek services or help. “We call it a ‘sanctuary’ for over 12,000 women who come through our doors every year, whether for just a bed to sleep in, legal advice, or safety from domestic violence.”

Q: You’ve been with Rosie’s Place for 14 years – what sort of changes have you seen in population that you serve?
A: I never imagined I’d see this many single homeless women. And they’re getting older and older– many are 45-55 with no housing. On the other side of the spectrum, there’s a rise in young girls, some whom have aged out of Department of Children and Families (DCF). Many of the women are mentally ill, maybe because of deinstitutionalization, early discharge or denial of benefits.

Q: With many women fighting addiction or, increasingly, under the care of the Department of Mental Health, how do you find ways for everyone to peacefully co-exist as overnight guests?
A: Most shelters require guests to leave each morning, while our program allows women to stay for three weeks or more if needed. Some are like long-time roommates, so conflicts are bound to arise, whether it’s keeping bedroom windows open or closed or agreeing on a television show. Sometimes the solution is as simple as providing ear plugs if another woman snores. And with many disputes, I tell them, ‘The majority rules.’

Q: Among other services, why does Rosie’s Place provide clothing if women need it?
A: Feeling good about oneself is one of the first steps toward making positive changes. Some women come here with virtually nothing, and we provide free clothing to over 400 women a month, including coats during the winter. The clothes are carefully sorted but we have almost constant shortages of size 16 and up. If we have nothing that fits, they’re given a voucher to go to Goodwill.

Q: Another one of your roles is creating a homelike environment to ensure that all the women staying at Rosie’s Place feel comfortable and safe. How do you do this?
A: I tell them, ‘This is your home; keep it clean and don’t mess it up.’ It’s all part of respecting dignity. Just because you’re homeless doesn’t mean you’re destitute. Women share responsibilities, whether cooking, cleaning, watering the plants, or emptying trash.

Q: You were once homeless yourself. How does that help you understand what others are going through?
A: I was pregnant and went to live with my boyfriend’s family. They didn’t want me in their house – it was too many people, so for about a year and a half, I moved around to different places. I sometimes wondered, ‘Where am I going to sleep tonight?’ Then after the baby was born, I now had an infant and still no home. Finally, I was able to able to get an apartment with my now-husband and eventually even buy my own home.

Q: Throughout the years, have you had any encounters that have stuck with you?
A: I've developed a close relationship with a woman named Linda, who was comfortable in her situation of homelessness. She was not on drugs; she was just someone who didn’t want to make a change. Over time I would gently bring up the idea of applying for housing. About five years ago, when she was in her late 50’s, she finally agreed to apply, and she recently got her own apartment. That’s very gratifying because I consider her a friend. I also have been working with Moira over 12 years, and am getting close to her considering to apply for food stamps.

Q: How have you seen attitudes toward the homeless change through the years?
Many people are sympathetic to homeless women if they feel it’s not their fault – if they’re fleeing domestic abuse or have lost a job. But if a woman has mental health or drug issues, there can sometimes be a lot of judgment. They don’t realize that it can just be a matter of the “cards you’re dealt.” I never assume I know what has happened in a person’s life. Homelessness doesn’t discriminate.

Q: I have been working for 15 years in one profession but only have an associate’s degree. I was transferred to North Carolina for a job several years back and am trying to return to Massachusetts. Do you think employers would be willing to take my years of experience in lieu of a bachelor's degree?

A: You raise a common question in the world of career management: experience vs. education. Usually experience, and relevant experience, wins out. However, some industries still have expectations, and even requirements, around degrees.

In the field of education and higher education, degrees matter and a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree or even higher may be required or preferred. In many knowledge-rich industries like biotech, life sciences or health care, degrees are also important and in some cases may be required. In many consulting roles, the firm employing consultants would like to be able to tout “MBA with 12-plus years of experience in pharmaceuticals” or “BSN with 10 years working within Boston’s finest health care institutions.”

Conversely, there are some industries in which degrees may be preferred but related work experience often trumps the degree. These industries would include manufacturing, retail or construction.

Massachusetts, as a state, can be a challenge for those who don’t hold bachelor’s degree. Massachusetts beats out all of states when comparing the percentage of residents who hold bachelor’s degrees. Almost 40% of Massachusetts residents hold a bachelor’s degree.

It would be wise to start networking in advance of your relocation back to Massachusetts. Connect with friends, family and colleagues and let them know of your plans to return. Often times a vibrant professional network delivers valuable information that could lead to job leads or at least intelligence about your field (i.e., who is hiring and who is not). Job boards can provide information about hiring trends and skills which are in demand.

Visit www.boston.com and click on the jobs section. There is information on hot jobs in Massachusetts, job postings, interview tips and other career resources.

For twenty years I owned an advertising agency. Several times during those twenty years I would get a phone call from a client. “I just wanted to let you know that when Bruce (who was one of my art directors) answers your phone, the way he does it makes me feel so appreciated.” Clients actually took the time to call me to let me know how impressed they were with Bruce and with the company just because of the way he answered the phone.

Now the first thing to realize about this compliment is that Bruce, as an art director, was more than willing to answer the phone if it was ringing. Not his job, but he did it, and he did it in a way that built relationships and impressed people enough that they would call just to let me know what how great Bruce was and how good he made them feel just by how he answered the phone.

I was curious enough about the situation that I listened to what Bruce said and how he said it. The “how” was impressive. Invariably, he’d put down whatever he was doing and concentrate on the call. Then, as he answered the call, he’d smile. It’s amazing how people can actually hear a smile on the phone.

When he started speaking, he always included four elements: a greeting, our company’s name, his name, and then he’d ask how he could help the caller. His greeting wasn’t just a hello, it showed gratitude for the person calling: “Hello, thank you for calling PostScript” he’d start out. Then he’d give the caller his name: “This is Bruce.” And he’d complete the greeting by asking how he could help the caller, “How can I help you?”

So that’s it. Six simple steps to building relationships when you answer a phone.

1. Take a moment to focus on answering the call.
2. Smile just before you pick up the receiver.
3. Say hello.
4. Give your company’s name
5. Then say your name
6. And finally, ask how you can help the caller.

Why does it matter how you answer the phone? Because, first impressions matter. You can answer with a dull monotone “Hello” or “Ace Corp,” or you can answer the way Bruce did. The monotone “Hello” does nothing to engage the caller. Instead it leaves him wondering why he bothered to call at all. On the other hand, Bruce’s greeting not only makes Bruce look good, it makes your entire business look good.

Take a moment to call your office and listen carefully to how the phone is answered. Is it welcoming? If it is, great. But if it’s not, plan to do some basic phone answering training. It’s worth it.

Q. What are some tips on dealing with a layoff? I have a great education and seven years of experience in the education industry. I'm not "entry level," but I'm seeing numerous positions at this level and nothing at the mid-manager level. I worked so hard to get to my current salary level and many positions I'm seeing are substantially less. Is it crazy not to pursue a job because of the low salary?

A. After having been laid off from an organization, many people think they need to accept taking a step back in responsibility and compensation to find a new job. This does not need to be the case. Many years ago, people impacted by a layoff were often considered "suspect" regarding their skills and talents. This has changed as many layoffs are financially driven and not all performance driven; great employees are affected by layoffs.

Tips for dealing with a layoff include taking advantage of all support offerings your former employer will provide. These benefits most often include financial support (severance), benefits continuation (COBRA) and career transition support (outplacement). If these services are not offered, ask for them. Employers may need to be educated on what is available to support employees. Most often people see the immediate value in severance and benefits, but not in outplacement. They choose to walk away from the valuable benefit, with notions of "doing it myself," or a limited knowledge of the wealth and diversity of services available.

The kinds of issues you encounter are the types of job search questions that can be faced by developing a strategic job search plan. After a layoff, one of the most important parts of your job search is your "public statement." You need a strong answer to the questions of why you are in the market and what happened at your former employer; it can't be apologetic or a long explanation of your entire career history. Your answer needs to be a short statement that says, "The organization changed direction (or had budget cuts) and my position was one of XX eliminated. I enjoyed working there, did well and recognize the business situation they are dealing with which led to the reduction. I'm now looking for opportunities using my XXX skills." Practice this statement until you are VERY comfortable saying it to anyone you meet.

If you are only looking at posted positions, you are focused on one of the least effective job search strategies- posted openings. Posted openings can be clues to other opportunities within the organization; by using a networking approach, you may be able to find your way in to gain information about other opportunities and compensation structure. You can respond to postings and know what your bottom line for compensation really is.

Make sure your resume showcases the middle management and leadership skills you have utilized; this will differentiate you from the entry level roles. Be prepared to respond to salary questions and be sure to give a range to any potential employer. You have earned your compensation and have the experience to show for it. Be committed to the amount of work it will take to the find the right job, at the right pay.

By Cindy Atoji Keene
Etsy vendor Dara Cheek wants to encourage the “buy local” craft movement in the Boston area. She’s a new breed of artist curator who aims to bring online artisans into collaborative communities, including assembled marketplaces that showcase some of the 58,858 items sold by Etsy members in the Boston area. “Even as the Internet opens up new connections and opportunities, it becomes even more important to bring the world of Etsy outside to the people,” said Cheek, who makes natural and global inspired jewelry.

. Q: What’s the learning curve for a craft-prenuer such as yourself?
A: It’s definitely a new approach to first build an art or craft business online using e-commerce websites such as Etsy. It’s forcing artisans such as myself to be not just smart at artsy endeavors but also tech wizards who can master keywords. It takes technological knowledge to make yourself visible in a very saturated space. It took me two years to get up to speed and understand search engine optimization, tagging, titling, and other ways to display and categorize. I’ve also had to embrace blogging, promoting on Facebook and Myspace, tweeting products, , participating in blog giveaways and charity donations, utilizing Pinterest, Flickr, and Tumblr, and most recently, making use of new crowd-sourced shopping/curating sites like The Fancy, Luvocracy, Svpply, and Polyvore.

Q: What’s the holy grail for Etsy sellers?
A: There are millions and millions of items for sale, so to get on the website’s front page and be featured in the highlighted collections is one of the best ways to get found. I’m constantly trying to master their search algorithms, which is tricky because it changes all the time. It’s all optimized for how a buyer would search for an item, and not for the sellers.

Q: How do you take an “Etsy-style” photo to highlight your listings?
A: There’s a lot of debate about photos on Etsy forums. When I first started out, I tried to take interesting photos that showed off my personality. I framed my jewelry in a natural setting and used moss and branches as ornamentation. But now there’s been a shift from staging of items to simple, clear close-ups of objects on a white background. I use a large white box and fill it with cotton filling so it adds texture and shadow, and then zoom in as much as possible.

Q: What other online craft marketplaces are gaining traction?
A: I also sell on Scoutmob, another site for independent artists. They have a special focus on searching websites by locale, so it’s popular among the younger crowd and folks looking for deals. I also like the Daily Grommet, Handmade Artists’ Shop and Fab.

Q: After factoring all your Etsy fees, PayPal fees, materials, and time, do you make a profit?
A: It's really difficult to say. I'm still in the process of building my business. All the fees do add up. Etsy recently changed the way they accessed fees; they take about 3 percent of the sale and it cost 20 cents to list an item and another 20 cents if you need to renew your listing. Paypal fees are similar; they charge for every sale as well. Of course, you have postage and shipping expenses and any ads for Facebook or Google advertising.

Q: What do you do about shipping?
A: I sell small jewelry pieces so I try to keep them affordable and still provide shipping in a method consistent with my brand. Etsy encourages sellers to ship in a thoughtful way as opposed to just throwing something in a box. I ship everything in a silver foiled gift box and a bit of ribbon so recipients recognize they’re getting a handmade piece from an individual seller.

Q: Why are you producing shows like “Assembled,” the handmade arts market at Assembly Row?
A: “Assembled” will showcase handmade arts and crafts at Assembly Row on May 18. It’s the first of an art series in Somerville, every Saturday through September. The first one features Boston Etsy artists and I’m responsible for collecting a curated group of handmade artisans to participate. I am focusing on diversity with a goal to have a broad range of styles, cultures, and media represented in the artwork being displayed For online artists, it’s just nice to get to talk to the people who buy your pieces and build a community with other vending artists.

Q: Etsy scandals have been in the news because of the controversy between "handmade" and "factory made." What's your view on all this?
A: There will always be unscrupulous people out there who just view Etsy as another virtual marketplace to take advantage of. It is so incredibly frustrating to have your handcrafted jewelry listed alongside an item that was stamped out by the thousands in a factory, both with the designation “handmade.” But I think my customers want something special – they want something with a great story behind.

8. How often do you work in your pajamas?
When I wake up, the first thing I do is finish pieces that were in progress the night before so I can get them off to the post office. In an effort to save time, not only do I not bother changing clothes, I drive to the post office in my pajamas to make sure those shipments get out in time.

Q: Could you tell me how to go about finding employment in the Boston area when you live in the Midwest? I live in Chicago. I do not want to come to Boston without a job.

A: Finding a new job from afar is a challenge. However, you can be successful with a plan. Some recommendations:

1. Connect with any area Boston contacts that you may have including friends, family or other professionals. LinkedIn is a great way to jumpstart these connections. Ensure that your LinkedIn profile is complete and includes a photo and recommendations. Add new contacts daily. On LinkedIn, you can join Boston-area groups that are related to your profession.
2. Most of the job boards allow you to fine-tune your search by geographic area. This will be especially helpful to you since you are focused on a Boston-area search.
3. Find out if your college or university has networking events in the Boston area.
4. Research professional associations in the Boston area.
5. Make sure that you clearly communicate that you expect to relocate at your own expense. Sometimes hiring professionals see an out-of-state address and assume that a costly relocation might be required.
6. Consider securing a phone number with a local area code.
7. If possible, consider planning a trip to the Boston area and plan several face-to-face meetings during these visits.
8. Don’t rule out temporary or contract roles. Often these roles lead to full-time employment opportunities.
9. Be responsive to emails and phone calls placed to you. You should try to respond to all of these inquiries within 24 hours.
10. Use Twitter to follow job hunting experts and companies. There are quite a few related to job hunting (and even specialized industries) which are Boston-centric.
11. Never say no to an introduction. When you are introduced to a new contact, you are also introduced to that individual’s entire network of contacts.
Finally, write a quick thank-you note (by email or mail) to anyone who has been helpful to you during your search.