Is There a Doctor In The House

It bugs me that because I chose to take my husband's last name, I now receive mail addressed to Mrs. John Smith. I changed my last name, not my first!!! It's enough to make me wish I had kept my maiden name. What's wrong with addressing mail to Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith?

"Dr. and Mrs. John Smith." Yikes. Are people still using the husband's name in place of the wife's? I thought that ended, oh, 30 - 40 years ago? How about Dr. John and Ms. Mary Smith (if she is not a doctor and uses her husband's last name). You also did not address two doctors in the family - which would be "Drs John and Mary Smith" (if he's the employee) or "Drs Mary and John Smith" (jf he's the employee).

Wow... such a double standard.
"Dr. and Mrs. John Smith"
"Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith"
So when the Dr. is male the female spouse is a nameless nobody.
But when the Dr. is female OF COURSE the male spouse is recognized by name.
An appallingly misogynistic answer.

etiquette is etiquette, like it or not. There is a proper way to do things -- if you choose to ignore them, that is certainly your right to be improper.

Folks, the reason all of this etiquette around names and formal addressing (Mr. & Mrs. , Dr. & Mrs., etc.) seems so misogynistic is because it IS misogynistic! More to the point, it's a tradition that dates back to a time when a woman was considered to be a man's property. And they certainly weren't doctors back then -- that's why in today's world, in formal situations there's no elegant way to address a woman with such a title.

And the fact remains that -- if you are a woman who has chosen to take her husband's last name -- you cannot really escape this misogynistic practice, and in fact you are very much participating in it. So if you're using your husband's last name due to a sexist tradition, it's a bit absurd to asked to be excused from it, or to demand to be called something else to make yourself feel less invisible. If you don't like the fact that your name has disappeared behind your husband's, you should have opted not to take his name in the first place (I didn't)! Stand up and have some pride, for chrissakes! The revolution for equality happened a long time ago, but apparently, some of us missed it.

How about Dr. John & Ms. (or Mrs.) Mary Smith? Why duplicate the last name?
In a less formal address we use Dr. John & Mary Smith.
In a personal address we would would use Mary & John Smith.

Technically, "Mrs. Jane Smith" is not an acceptable name form because the Mrs. title means "wife of." Ridiculous, yes. Why do women need to change their titles but men don't? It's old fashioned and out dated. Women should all choose to use Ms.; it adds some mystery!

Etiquette is, in and of it itself, misogynist. It is polite to move a chair for a woman, but I've never seen anybody move a chair for a man unless he is incapable himself. I hope we are not trying to imply that women are incapable of moving chairs. If you want the proper etiquette, look here; if you want to be pc, make your own choices and live with them.

I have news for you - you ARE Mrs. John Smith socially. Those rules haven't changed. Frankly, I'm proud to be Mrs. (my husband's name) socially and it doesn't take away from my professional accomplishments, nor my law degree. Get over yourselves.

Thank goodness people agree with me on this, I thought I was the only one who thought it was crazy that once a woman is married she is Mrs. John Smith and she loses her identity!

I agree with "what century is this?" when s/he stated that the answer (and the custom) is misogynistic.

I would prefer a more honest approach all around. Dr. Mary Smith and spouse or Dr. John Smith and spouse. Lets face it the only reason there being invited at all is because there married. People are too sensitive about trivial things.

I agree with the other posters. I really hate being referred to as Mrs. Man's First Name & Last Name. I am my own person with my own first name. When i did my wedding invitations I dispensed with the formality and wrote them to John and Jane Smith.

We just addressed our wedding invitations, and we intentionally did it the "wrong" way, by properly identifying the names and titles of both spouses. Since when were our collective rules of etiquette written in stone? (In the middle of the Dark Ages, apparently.)

Some of our etiquette dates back to a time when women were viewed differently, of course, but some of etiquette's rules were practical as well. The practice of moving a chair for a lady, for instance, dates back to times when women had to worry about managing their rather voluminous attire, so assistance with a chair was kind. I use my husband's last name as well as my family (father's) last name. Yes, it's mysoginistic, but your last name is going to come from somewhere. You could always choose a name independent of anyone else's. Or you could just refuse to look at it as a value judgment and get on with your life.

Goodness people, must you be offended by everything? I am a woman in my 20s and I think its cute to be addressed by my husbands name in a salutation- one more step in making it official. People can be equal and still take part of traditions at the same time.