When In Rome...
Q. We partner in business with many individuals who are not native to, but now either reside in or frequent the United States to finalize paperwork to import/export products native to their country. Should I greet them in a manner that would acknowledge their native country? Is there anything in particular that would qualify how I address the visitor?
L. P., Tampa, FL
A. A second grader once asked me why, if his bed time was 11:00 PM, did he have to go to bed at 10:00 PM when he visited his friend’s home. The answer was simple: When he visited his friend’s house, he was bound by the rules there, not the rules at his own home. One of the basics of etiquette is to respect the traditions of the culture you enter. A culture can be as broad as East compared to West or one country compared to another. But it also can be something as specific as the difference between two companies or even between two office locations of the same company. Therefore, in your case, when your partners come to the United States to do business with you, they should be prepared to be greeted with a handshake. That said, it’s also considerate on your part not to force a person into a situation that will be potentially difficult. For instance, in greeting a woman of the Islamic faith, even though our culture accepts a man offering his hand to a woman in greeting, you might choose to wait to extend your hand until she makes the first gesture.
The issue of addressing a person visiting you rests on the difference between being formal and being familiar. It is more respectful to use a formal means of address such as “Mr. Sousa” until told by the person you are greeting to “please call me Jorge.” Before the person arrives, call the person’s business to find out if the visitor comes from a culture where a title such as Professor is used, or if he has a degree that indicates use of a title such as Doctor. An added benefit of making the call: You can confirm the correct pronunciation of the person’s name.
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Actually, our culture accepts a man's offering to shake hands with a woman, but it is not correct. A man should always wait for the woman to offer her hand, whether she's from an Islamic country or not.
Americans are typically viewed by most people around the world as being arrogant and insensitive to other countries' cultures--which IMHO is very true. That said, if you make the effort to respect their customs regardless whether you're there or they're here, it will go a long way to earning their respect and making them feel comfortable.
That's an important point especially when dealing with people from countries where the relationship is an important part of business, such as Asia and MidEast.
Interesting.. I (a woman) once offered my hand to an Islamic man to whom I had just been introduced, and he refused it. I can't help but wonder if I offended him or broke a rule of some sort. Was I wrong?
Thank you "Eggy". You do have good manners.
Can you explain why it is acceptable for those who come to this country to refuse to deal with woman? I find it rude on their part.
Eggy is correct....etiquette demands that a man wait until a woman - any woman - offers her hand before he attempts to shake it.
Cultural differences are difficult to understand but important to understand.Eastern culture is mostly respect others and offer more generosity.Western culture only me and mine.
It is ignorant and aerogant so try to be courteous and considerate with others.
RESPECT RESPECT
"For instance, in greeting a woman of the Islamic faith, even though our culture accepts a man offering his hand to a woman in greeting, you might choose to wait to extend your hand until she makes the first gesture."
Why this exception for Islamic faith?
And doesn't it assume that all people following Islamic faith think and act in the same manner?
Eggy,
If our culture accepts it, then it IS correct...for us.
Remember, that many Orthodox Jews will not shake hands with a person of the opposite sex. It's not an insult; it's meant to be respectful.
A second grader with an 11:00 curfew? Wow!
While I largely agree with the advice to go with the Western forms of greeting, I think a little research into the other culture's preferred methods would be courteous, appreciated, and would indicate your willingness to work with them at their level, thereby improving the dialog between you both. You would come across as an open minded and respectful person to do business with. Of course, if you end up in one of those eternal Japanese bowing situations, all is lost!
Ah yes. Censor my earlier comment because it asked a genuine question about why an exception is being made for Islam and Muslims, and why are all Muslims being lumped into one category who would be offended if an American takes the initiative to shake a Muslim woman's hand.
After all, we can't have "pesky" questions interfere with the regular programming.
This blogger might want to review your comment before posting it.
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Patricia Hunt Sinacole is president of First Beacon Group LLC, a human resources consulting firm in Hopkinton. Sheworks with clients across many industries including technology, biotech and medical devices, financial services, and healthcare, and has over 20 years of human resources experience.
Elaine Varelas is managing partner at Keystone Partners, a career management firm in Boston and serves on the board of Career Partners International.
Cindy Atoji Keene is a freelance journalist with more than 25 years experience. E-mail her directly here.
Peter Post is the author of "The Etiquette Advantage in Business." Email questions about business etiquette to him directly here.
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