Helicopter parents in the workplace

Same type of mentality that leads to fist-fights between fathers and coaches over making a football player run laps.

I am a manager of approximately 100 employees. If I ever get a phone call from an employee's parents I will not hesitate to place the blame on them for their child's underperformance. If their child were taught about taking responsibility for him or herself while growing up, perhaps he/she would have gotten the promotion, better evaluation, etc...

I have seen spouses get involved in a similar situation, where a member was employed by a non-profit group in an administrative capacity. The outcome of this spousal involvement was a formal change in policy to ban members from being considered for full time staff positions.

Unless the person is acting as a formal agent with a legal power of attorney, a relative has no place directly in a workplace issue.

When I was in high school, I worked for one of the major fast food franchisers, as did many of my peers. The owner and his managers knew we knew nothing about our rights as employees, and so treated us all like indentured servants and routinely used threats and intimidation on us. In a case like that, I have no problem with a parent stepping in to make sure their kid is treated fairly. But for the parent of an adult to do something like that is really wierd, unless the parent is a lawyer and the employer did something legally sketchy.

Eesh. As a recent college graduate, I think I would be MORTIFIED if my mother ever called my boss to complain. I also know enough about jobs to know that employers typically do not like it when they discover an employee is looking for another job, so I'm shocked that this woman actually tried to get a sick day for another job. I'm not saying that she should have been fired immediately, but that she should have known it was a possibility.

Either way, this is my job. My mom's involvement? That's limited to her hearing about how my first post-grad job is going.

I've experienced parents inquiring about jobs for their adult children as well. If only the parents knew that their actions immediately put their child at the bottom of the list, I think they might rethink it. The last thing we want is to deal with an employee AND their parent. It also means that the employee is probably not a self-starter if they need mommy and daddy to do the leg work.

I am a young professional who got through college and found a very good job, both on my own, but with SUPPORT from family. Support it one thing, but i did the majority of the work (4 year undergrad, internship searches, job search, apartments, all that stuff, etc.) on my own. I am disgusted by the fact that "kids" (my age group) still pull this type of thing. While in school, i KNOW too many people that should not have made it by but did because of situations like this. On the other hand, some who should have graduated with me did not because they accepted their mistakes/issues, learned from them. No doubt they are stronger (with a little more debt) than some i graduated with thanks to mommy and daddy. The same thing goes for "kids" my age getting money from mommy/daddy. Get a job, any job, or find a way to make ends meet, and not on your platinum card at 27% interest!

Interesting. 2 things come to mind 1) the employee obviously has not been there for longer than 1 year in order to qualify for FMLA and 2) we do not know if the employer is FLMA qualified (over 50 people, etc. etc.)

Regardless, I hesitate with the tit for tat and if you are asking an employee to take a pre-employment physical, would it be REASONABLE (just a key phrase here) to pay them for the time to go take the physical? More than likely this was an hourly employee who may not have been making very much money and not discussing (yet) the issue with the parent calling, was it worth losing a candidate for the job that you had taken the time to interview and hire?

The other thing here is that we don't know what type of job that the said employee was doing that required a pre-employment physical. Frankly if it was some crappy job and they were already being sticklers, then I too probably would have told the employer to go buzz off myself (or at least would have considered it). There was definitely some other underlying reasons as to why the employee decided to up and quit, job acceptance remorse, another offer on the table, etc.

NOW - for the whole helicopter parenting thing that is a whole other can of worms. I would be MORTIFIED if my mother ever did such a thing and perhaps the mother did without discussing it, but what I would do is flag that person's files as "Not eligible for rehire" and make sure they don't try to file for unemployment.

Is there a lesson to be learned here, not really. You can't control external things (like helicopter parenting) but perhaps the approach to the situation could have warranted a more favorable outcome if there was a REASONABLE (ah, again that key word) way to deal with it.

Just my $0.02....

I am a Director of HR. I too, unfortunately, have experienced a similar situation. Bottom line is simply this. The HR department was both generous and correct to allow the individual to personal, comp or vacation time to go to the appt.

I get calls from spouses and parents and I refuse to discuss the employment situation with them. I simply tell them they can speak to that individual directly. I cite confidentiality as the reason. The parent needs to stay out of the situation.

To the Reasonable HR Chick: I think you misread the article. The pre-employment screening for NOT for employment with the CURRENT employer. It was for a NEW job. FMLA has nothing to do with it.

I would ask any of you to got a college or university and ask staff there what they think of helicopter parents. this is no surpirse to me as someone who works in Higher Education. Parents call for their children all the time on so many different matters. Students will even tell a staff member "I will just have my mom called." Helicopter parents have been around for a good 5 years and I would say in the last 2, are becoming involved even post-college

We are teaching kids that everything is somebody else's fault. They are perfect, but somebody else is to blame for their failures. Great way to go through life... People need to take personal responsibitliy.

To poster #7, what does FMLA have to do with anything??

The Reasonable HR Chick, what are you talking about? I am lost after reading your first three paragraphs.

Geez HR Chick.. FMLA has nothing to do with this. The employee left her CURRENT job because her CURRENT employer would not allow her to use sick time to take a physical for a NEW, job (and presumably different employer).

To The Reasonable HR Chick:

Typical HR. Doesn't bother to read the original post or is too dumb to understand the content. Hello. This is why ees don't go to HR for help.

Hey, The Reasonable HR Chick, you can't be very knowledgeable about HR if you think FMLA has anyplace in in this discussion. Also, asking a potential employer to pay for a candidate's time off is ridiculous also. Are you a practicing HR proffessional?

Reasonable HR Chick - what exactly are you talking about? This young woman needed to leave to go to a physical for ANOTHER job - not this one. She was leaving this one anyway - she just ended up doing so sooner than anticipated. And what exactly does FMLA have to do with anything? Reading comprehension clearly is not your strong suit. I hope you're more careful in your "HR" job than in your response here.

Wow--"The Reasonable HR Chick" is one of the reasons intelligent people often have difficulty getting decent jobs. She is a typical, shining example of the brilliance that permeates the field. As I was once told by a Harvard University internal employment counselor, "Dumb down the resume and cover letter; just because people work here (I would add ANYWHERE) doesn't mean they are intelligent."

until recently i worked in HR for the past 8 years. i got calls from spouses and parents all the time. at least the spouses would call mainly to get information on benefits. the parents - they were the worst. the parents were parents of 20 somethings! i would DIE if at age 27 my MOMMY was calling my place of employment. they would call for foolish reasons - to complain about their child's boss not letting them take a day off, to a poor review/merit increase, schedules. it was CRAZY. so sad.

And "The Reasonable HR Chick" is probably a helicopter parent herself- she calls up the employer after not understanding the situation whatsoever and babbles nonsense.

Let the helicopter parents do as they like; their children probably are only capable of functioning in society because mommy and daddy do everything for them. This particular case sounds like the employee gave her mother names and phone numbers of who to call. We should pity the employee more than anything; if she's bratty enough to have mom call her boss, she's obviously not capable of handling her own affairs by 23, and will likely never be able to do so competently.

the employee wasn't too bright to ask for sick time off to go on another job pre-qual physical.. shoulda simply called in sick with "a migraine" that morning. End of story... lesson: you NEVER, EVER let your current employer in on the fact you're looking for a new job.. EVER!.

As someone who has occasionally instructed college courses, I told my students that any calls or messages from parents that were not involving incapacitating emergencies or family emergencies would be ignored.

In other words, unless your mother or father is calling to tell me that you are in the hospital, or that you might need an extension on an assignment because you are flying home because your brother was in a car wreck and not expected to live, I don't want to hear it.

As a job coach who specializes in helping college graduates identify and find the right job, I often deal with parents, especially as they are the ones who typically underwrite my fees. Parents need to understand that there is a big difference between support and doing it for them. Whenever I get a parent who is too involved in the job search process, I stress with them that looking for a job is a life skill that each person needs to learn on their own. The child will not be taking his parent to work with them and now is the time to let them go and be independent.

One can start identifying -- in middle school -- those parents who will be phoning their adult child's employer.

I am shocked to hear that I live in a society where parents would call an employer on behalf of their "adult" children. How childish. We live in a very immature society and the parents set the example. Do their parents still wipe their bottoms for them too? Give it 10 more years and this will become the rule. Its no wonder we have the problems with texting and driving and young people having issues with credit cards, mortgages, etc. Our society needs to grow up.

Reminds me of an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond".

To The Reasonable HR Chick, you are making our HR profession look very bad!! Perhaps you should get out of HR and do something else instead. This issue has nothing to do with FMLA at all. The employer, in the long run, is much better off without this employee. Not only did her mother called, imagine what else would have happened if the employer keeps this employee around. The babyboomer and X-er parents seem to teach their spoiled children that it's always someone else fault! Back when I was growing up, I get spanking, grounded, and paid for my college. What happened?

It is beyond my comprehension why people even make comments out here in cyber world..perhaps because they don't have to identify themselves when commenting on situations that they really know nothing about, or worse yet are less than truthful about. Strangely and unfortunately I have very direct personal knowledge of the events in question.The situation posed here originates from the absolute root of the problem. Trying to soothe your soul dear? Looks a little desparate to me. You made that kids' [and everyone else there]work day miserable and you were told that why she left but you couldn't leave it alone. I've never felt compeled to comment like I do now.. I have not once gone to bat for my kid. She'd kill me! But that day may come some time and I'll do it anyway. And that the same reason my friend did it.Not because it's a hobby for her but because sometimes it's the right thing to do.OMG I'm so glad she's got a great new job and has left behind a cruel incompetent individual as a supervisor that has to only tell half a story so that she gets opinions in her favor.

If this is who I think it's about, you are so lying, shame on you!!!

Wow...just incredible. It's amazing how this employee got through the screening process of two human resource departments. There seems to be some character shortcomings here from both the employee and the helicopter parent.

This post is eerily similar to one that I am aware of. I believe the truth lies somewhere in between. In the circumstances described, the employee was due compensation of some sort whether it was to use personal time, compensation time, or vacation time for a doctors appointment. Employment law does not discriminate if the medical appointment was for the current employer or new employer. If there was confusion, the employee manual was not clear at all. It sounds as though this "professional employee" was being honest about the time off. Kudos to her, she could have lied. All three categories are often paid upon departure and in the scenario presented, the HR department agreed. As a manager, I have to sit back and wonder how the issue becomes so large over a 2 hour "absence from the job" whether it is categorized as personal time or vacation time. The reaction of a "professional employee" as she is described, to abandon her job leaves suspect in my mind there is more to the story.

The situation I am aware of involving the same description in the "Helicopter Parent" the employee gave proper notice and the "boss" was mad that a 2-4 week notice had not been given. As a result there were a number of hostile memo's sent the employee's direction, therefore creating a untenable situation to complete one's notification period The employee did leave prior to fulfilling the 2 week notification period however wrote a letter to the superior explaining how much she loved her job but the work environment had become impossible.

I have no comment on the parents involvement as I related earlier I suspect there is more to the story. As managers we need to manage our staffs, produce profits to please our bosses and to deliver a level of service to maintain and increase business. From an employee's perspectives, unless you are a terrific boss. there are few systems to critique a manager's performance. Perhaps lessons can be learned from both sides in this situation.

There are two issues that I am noticing. First of all, had she given her notice already as you usually do not have to go for a preemployment physical unless you have a job offer. Secondly, if she did give her notice most employers do not allow you to use time off of any kind so if that is the case it seems that the employer was not too much out of line not granting her the time off.

The posting by A FELLOW MANAGER hits the nail on the head. He/she obviously knows what she's talking about. Clearly, the "other" manager knows absolutely nothng in the social skills department. Let it lie, the "other manager' knows how wrong she was and just can't let it go!!!
Hard to believe she is the "ONLY" reason the employee left in the first place.

"The child will not be taking his parent to work with [him] and now is the time to let [him] go and be independent."

The time was 5 years ago, when the "child" became an adult and went to college. We are considered *legal adults* in this country at age 18. Parents should have started the "letting go" process a loooong time ago.

Employee to new employer: "Yep, I got'em to let me have the day off with pay me so I could complete my pre-employment screening process with you! My Mom always told me that honesty is the best policy"

New Employer: "Hmmm, perhaps we should rethink our decision to hire you... My Mom told me the very same thing."

Employee to new employer: "Don't worry, I'll never do the same thing to you!"