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Tee Many Martoonis

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet the fiancée of my husband’s business partner. We hadn’t met before because she recently had her second baby and is understandably busy. Unfortunately, by the time I met her, she was “three sheets to the wind” as my mother phrases it. Imbibing doesn’t bother me, but probably explains her actions. For the next half hour, she proceeded to tell me how much she always hated me and why (yes, the word “hate” was used multiple times). As I sipped my diet coke (I was DD), I heard all about my perceived flaws and how angry I have made her. The point of the conversation was to tell me that she no longer hates me, but did because of some things she thought I’d said. As it turns out that I did not say them or they were misinterpreted, she thinks the world of me and looks forward to spending more time with me. During the time I mostly nodded my head and drained my glass.

I know none of us are on our best behavior when inebriated, but I also believe that true feelings can come out during this time. I was extremely uncomfortable during this encounter but didn’t put her off because I don’t want my husband’s business partnership to suffer. As it stands, I simply would rather spend minimal time with her in the future. I also wonder, however, if I should let this slide as I realize I’m far from perfect when drinking – perhaps I shouldn’t rush to judge. Still, I was hurt that someone would hate me before even meeting me, based upon statements taken out of context, and then would tell me all about her hatred toward me. I’ve never dealt with this before.

What do you suggest?

K. Potts

You can wallow in the past or live in the future. I’d choose to live in the future. Being drunk shouldn’t be an excuse for her poor behavior, but it is an explanation for poor judgment on her behalf—giving you the blow by blow of her old and new feelings about you. It’s what you do with her revelation that matters.

Give her the benefit of the doubt that in a more sober state she wouldn’t run off at the mouth the way she did, and that she means it when she says she thinks the world of you and wants to spend more time with you. You don’t have to be her best friend, but being a friend will certainly be good for your husband’s partnership, and it may end up being a good thing for you, too. Good luck.

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