The city was briefly abuzz a week ago when Pack, one of the "Make Way for Ducklings" statues in the Public Garden, was swiped.
Mirabile dictu, Pack was speedily recovered and reunited with the seven other ducklings and their mother, Mrs. Mallard. But the theft was a reminder of the missing figure in the bronze family tableau: Mr. Mallard, the ducklings' father.
Not that he deserves to be there. "Deadbeat dad," I growled the first time I read Robert McCloskey's classic aloud to my then-preschool-age son.
Surely you remember the scene that prompted my outburst: Mrs. Mallard has just hatched the eight ducklings, but Mr. M. takes off on a weeklong jaunt down the Charles River, leaving Mrs. Mallard to guide her flock alone on the perilous trip to the Public Garden.
I informed my son that this was not typical daddy behavior, and was, indeed, appalling. He gave me that "What the hell are you talking about?" look I would come to know so well in years to come.
It's one of the challenges of parenthood the experts seldom talk about: How to stay in the moment, bite your tongue, and keep from spoiling the magic for your kids. How to maintain your adult reflexes while entering fully into their world. How to make sure the parental superego has the upper hand when the parental id is yammering to be let out.
It ain't easy. To raise children is to consume their culture in intense, concentrated bursts. In other words, to sit through innumerable PBS shows, to watch a lot of Disney and
"This woman is a freakin' idiot!" I cried involuntarily the first time I read "Amelia Bedelia," a book about a numbingly literal-minded housekeeper. My son gave me that look again.
Even if we are able to keep mum, it can be hard to stifle that subversive interior voice. Watching "That's So Raven" with my daughter, I would sourly ask myself whether Raven-Symoné was contractually obligated to overact every scene she was in. Watching "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody," I would ponder why on earth Zack and Cody's cute mom dyed her hair that godawful color.
It was hard not to make a few silent wisecracks when Ringo Starr showed up as the conductor on the insipid "Thomas & Friends," and then, even weirder, George Carlin replaced him. My eyes were on the screen, but my head was full of thoughts about the Beatles and drug busts and profanity-fueled comedy routines. (Before I saw Carlin in that blue uniform, I'd have thought the Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television would be "George Carlin and Thomas the Tank Engine.")
An even more skull-imploding instance of cognitive dissonance occurs when an actor from a kids' show suddenly materializes in the R-rated world of adults. Alison Bartlett, the winsome and wholesome Gina for years on "Sesame Street," made a startling appearance on a 2004 episode of "The Sopranos," semi-nude and in bed with Steve Buscemi.
Which brings me, inevitably, to the movies.
So many movie stars have done voice work in animated movies in the past decade-plus that parents can develop a distorted sense of their filmography - and an alternate-universe sense of pop culture. It can make for awkward conversation at dinner parties.
Here's me in 1999: "You say Tom Hanks delivers another virtuoso performance in 'The Green Mile'? Hmm, didn't see it. But I heard Hanks in 'Toy Story 2.' He was great! Hey, where are you going?" Here's me in 2009: "Whaddya mean, 'Wall-E' wasn't nominated for Best Picture? That's the only picture in the Oscar crop I actually saw!"
During the intensive parenting years, we often play a game of catch-that-reference to keep ourselves amused during kids' movies. I was willing to forgive Robin Williams for "Patch Adams" because I cherished the memory of his brilliant riffs in "Aladdin," as the voice of the Genie, including a rapid-fire sequence where he channels William F. Buckley, Walter Brennan, and John Wayne, among others.
Of course, it is possible to overdo these knowing nods to the grown-ups (yes, "Shrek," I'm talking to you). But smart purveyors of pop culture - and smart parents, I guess - know that part of parental multitasking is the task of keeping our adult brains alive. It's probably best, though, to keep the snarkiness to ourselves.
Don Aucoin can be reached at Aucoin@globe.com. 
