They circle their answers

“Bike widows,’’ or the wives of Crack O’ Dawn (COD) members, put together a questionnaire that was distributed at one of the group’s parties. The survey purported to be written by a doctoral candidate in Harvard’s sociology department, for a thesis on a condition called Collective of Disorders (COD). The condition involves “a strange mutation of the human species.’’ Some sample questions:

On a family car trip, you are most likely to be

a) the driver.

b) the passenger.

c) in a different car.

d) biking to the destination.

When packing for a trip, you make sure you remember

a) underwear.

b) a good book.

c) your toothbrush.

d) enough biking paraphernalia to stock Belmont Wheelworks.

Your highest budgetary expenditure is

a) the mortgage.

b) college tuition.

c) health insurance.

d) bicycle accessories.

Your most treasured photos are of

a) your wedding.

b) your child’s bar/bat mitzvah or confirmation.

c) your family trip to Disney World.

d) the COD at the top of Mount Fill-in-the-blank.

You have a compulsion to scrub, shine, polish, and tinker with your

a) lawn mower.

b) snow blower.

c) neighbor’s wife.

d) bike.

Your ideal social evening with the CODs consists of

a) listening to live music.

b) hanging out and schmoozing.

c) dancing.

d) giving each other awards and looking at pictures of yourselves.

Needless to say, the correct answers are all (d).