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Letters

February 6, 2011

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Opposites attract

I read Ethan Gilsdorf’s essay about looking for love as a geek (Coupling, January 16), and it made me want to tell you about my parents. My dad is a self-professed nerd who worked as an engineer. Quiet. Shy. Wore ties (and a pocket protector) even after the office went casual. Mom is the opposite: outgoing, stylish, life of the party. They are so different in so many ways that I had sometimes wondered how they had stayed married for more than 40 years. But as I got older, I could see that mom was drawing dad out of his shell and that dad was slowing down mom. They are not afraid to do things separately, yet always find something to do together. They respect their differences. It works.

Jennifer Doboszynski / Waltham

Destination dilemma

With regards to P.M. of Nashua’s dilemma about whether to attend a destination wedding (Miss Conduct, January 16), my spouse and I can relate. We’ve had to decline invitations to destination weddings at various points during our marriage because of budget constraints. If P.M. does not go, we encourage delivering some honest feedback: “I am truly sorry we cannot share in your special day, but our growing family’s budget does not allow it.” Someday the newlyweds may experience this themselves.

Dina Lyons / Centerville

I find destination weddings annoying, and I would simply bow out with no feelings of guilt or remorse. After all, if the bride and groom require an outlay of $1,000 plus to attend their wedding, they have to accept that some people, even their closest friends, will not be able to swing it. I wonder, however, whether some couples actually prefer it that way. That is, they whittle down the guest list by creating financial barriers rather than risk offending extended family and acquaintances by not inviting them.

Gail M. Macdonald / Quincy

I agree that this lavish cost to celebrate a wedding is not acceptable. Hopefully, if and when our kids get married, we will not have to rein in their plans. It would be great to make a generous financial gift to the couple and let them decide whether they wish to have a lavish party or use the funds for a down payment on their first house. I am pretty sure the house would win. Of course, this would not go over well with the caterer, dressmaker, and all the others who are part of the wedding day production.

Jack Guerin / Weston

These weddings are driven by an industry whose profits depend upon encouraging the childish notion that a wedding is the “moment of a lifetime.” It’s all part of the “wonderful me” fantasy that apparently knows no bounds.

Jim Murphy / Cohasset

Couples have a right to hold their wedding where they see fit – and the guests have a right to decline the invitation. However, the couple should be considerate about the costs to their guests. When the hotels are expensive, the couple should not expect gifts and should clearly state that on the invitation.

Helen Slavid / Framingham

Why do certain couples “think this sort of thing is acceptable”? Because it’s their wedding! To criticize the bride and groom’s vision for their special day because it doesn’t work with P.M.’s child-care costs is ridiculous.

Maija Scarpaci / Topsfield

The moment my daughter and her fiance began planning their wedding, they made it clear that they wanted it to be on Cape Cod. My husband and I said, “Sure, but why should your guests be expected to incur the additional expense?” I said they needed to expect less expensive gifts, which was fine with them. Some people didn’t attend, but they sent as lovely a gift as they would have had the wedding been held locally. We would have loved to have had them there, but everyone handled it the way most comfortable for him or her.

Ann Marie Sullivan / Salem

Your column shows good timing. My wife and I drove to Florida to attend our nephew’s wedding. We enjoyed ourselves and our stay in a relative’s beachfront condo. We think destination weddings are fine as long as the hosts are picking up the tab.

Sid McDonough / North Weymouth

I have a possible solution for P.M. Why not look into renting a limo? It might be less expensive than staying at a resort, and then P.M. can leave after midnight without worrying about the three-hour drive home.

Paul Rensing / Newton

A Robin Hood Responds

It is no surprise that Charles P. Pierce has a problem with firearms, but seriously, he fears that a college professor might become violent because he purchased archery equipment at a discount store (Pierced, January 16)? Archery is one of the fastest growing sports in America. Would Pierce be as worried if the professor purchased a dartboard and darts?

Scott B. Lacey / West Newton

Love should work in mysterious ways

You should put Dinner With Cupid and its Post-Mortem results on separate pages. It’s too easy to glance down and see how the date went. I’d like to read about the date first, then see the results when I’m ready!

Catherine Booras / Lynn

As an aging veteran of the dating game, I notice that almost no one having Dinner With Cupid is enthusiastic enough about the other person to want a second date. Most of them say the same thing at the end: “Nice guy/gal, but I didn’t feel sparks.” If you get to know the person, your chances of developing a good relationship increase, and so may your desire. If all you want is a fling, you might as well pick up someone in a bar on the basis of looks alone.

Jacqueline Lapidus / Brighton

Comments Write to magazine@globe.com or The Boston Globe Magazine/Letters, PO Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819. Letters are subject to editing.

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