The boomerang kids

Struggling to make ends meet, adults are moving back in with their folks

Gone are the high school pictures, the teddy bears, the single bed of Becky Gorman's youth. She now has college and travel photos on the walls, books instead of bears, and a queen size bed. But the purple-flowered wallpaper from middle school remains, and she is once again sharing a bathroom with her younger brother.

Gorman, 27, has moved back into the Wellesley house where she grew up. Ditto for Michael, 23. There are many reasons they're in their childhood home: their new business, the bad economy, the high rents. Nine months ago they started their own clothing line, Mahi Gold. They need to save every cent they can, and living with their parents rent-free has allowed them to do that.

"I have a lot of friends who can't believe that I could live at home," Becky says. "My typical response is that it doesn't bother me, but certainly in an ideal world I'd have my own place."

The days when college graduation automatically meant getting a job and an apartment are endangered. With the US economy in a nosedive, jobs scarce, and rents high, "boomerang kids" head for home, where the living is easy. There are no firm numbers yet on the impact of the current recession, but those who study the younger generation say that empty nests are starting to fill back in.

"We confidently predict that there will be a notable increase in young adults boomeranging back home," says David Morrison, president and CEO of Twentysomething Inc., which researches issues relating to young adults. "This will be driven by ongoing economic instability, job insecurity, and ongoing corporate layoffs. More companies than ever are rescinding job offers from pending graduates." In addition, living at home has become a cultural norm, without any stigma attached, he notes. According to the 2007 US census, 55 percent of men and 48 percent of women ages 18 to 24 live with their parents.

Such intergenerational living arrangements can either be a blessing or a curse. The scenario that works best, say experts, is when the young person is working and contributing to the household. The worst-case scenario is when there is no job, no contribution, no departure date, and the parents are at odds over their child's presence.

"One size does not fit all, but there are some guidelines they should be aware of," says Joseph Tecce, a psychology professor at Boston College. First, parents must realize that their adult kids are no longer children but companions who can help run the household. Tecce doesn't believe in charging rent, signing a contract, or setting deadlines for moving out. But there should be some guidelines: "Parents are not running a hotel. Everyone should say this is a chance for us to enter into a cooperative venture. We love each other and we're going to help each other out."

It's obvious what the children get out of living at home - room and board, utilities, even cable TV. But what do parents get out of it? Tecce says they refill that empty nest, this time with an adult pal whom they raised. "The child can make a contribution to enrich the parents' lives."

Secure kids may view the living arrangement as a temporary necessity and appreciate it. But others will fuss over a loss of independence and feel like failures. "They shouldn't. Who would ever have thought the economy would be this bad?" Tecce asks.

Becky Gorman moved home to save money for a down payment on a condo. But she and her brother decided last spring to launch Mahi Gold. There went the condo. Michael moved back after a year and a half away at school. He now attends Boston College and works as a waiter.

Their parents couldn't be happier. "It's such a pleasure having them here," says Karen Gorman, a realtor. "It's fun to have them around, to interact with them on an adult level." The family eats together most weeknights, and Becky often fixes dinner. Everyone does his or her own laundry. No rent is charged.

Still, in some families, such living arrangements can cause emotional and financial stress, jeopardizing parents' budgets and retirement plans. John Dacey, a psychotherapist and professor emeritus at BC, suggests that both parents and children sit down beforehand and make two lists: What were the good and the bad aspects of living together before? What do I need to change? The family should meet monthly to discuss how things are going, he says. Issues could include music volume, smoking, curfews, finances, and whether the "children" can have a partner sleep over.

Dacey, who in earlier years had three adult daughters move home, thinks that rent - even a nominal amount - should be charged. "That's so the child feels like she's contributing something," he says, with the added benefit for the parents. Or she can help pay for the housecleaning, contribute to the food budget or utility bill, and do chores. "The idea that they just come home, and that's their right - parents often don't say anything but feel resentful," Dacey says. "The last thing you want to do is worsen the relationship."

At the Lenehan home in Whitman, the rules are straightforward: If the two adult children who have moved back home are working full time, they pay rent. "My son wasn't real happy about it," says Susan Lenehan, a former teacher. "I said, 'For $300 a month, where can you get all your meals, your electricity, your phone, and your laundry done?' We're working class, kind of ordinary people."

This month, Mark will be 24, Elisabeth 23. Since Mark has returned to college, at UMass-Boston, he is exempt from rent. Elisabeth, who graduated from Providence College in May, began work in September as a paralegal assistant. She pays her parents $75 a week in rent. She is also paying off college loans, so getting her own apartment in the Boston area was unrealistic. Mark has student loans, too.

Susan Lenehan lived at home until she married at age 34. She and her husband, Bob, an MBTA police officer, want their children to have more independence than they did. "We were really hoping they'd experience the real world, but once the loan payments started, they didn't have a lot of money left over at the end of the month," she says.

There is no set curfew. When the kids go out at night, their mother says: "I love you and be careful." Susan does the cooking and laundry, but everyone pitches in around the house. Most of the time, they all eat dinner together. Her parents take Elisabeth to the train daily to save her the parking fee.

"Maybe I'm just a nerd but I really do get along with my parents," she says. Still, it has been an adjustment. "To go from being on my own in school . . . back under my parents' roof and rule is a little different."

About the rent: "I'm working full time and I would feel pretty bad not paying anything toward the house."

On the downside, Mark sometimes telephones in the wee hours to say he's staying at a friend's house; Susan has told them to call regardless of the time. The grocery bill has ballooned. The water bill is also higher, with four people taking showers.

Then there's the issue of privacy. In their 24 years of parenting, the Lenehans have had exactly one semester when both children were away from home. They live in a small, seven-room house, on one level. "If my husband and I want to have discussions, we go for a ride," Susan says.

Still, she feels good about helping her kids, and says they can stay as long as they want. "I say to them all the time, I wish we could do more. But right now we're like everybody else, just keeping our heads above water."