Q. My fiance and I have lived together for 28 years. We would have married, but we had a slight legal problem. “Jed’’ was still married and for various reasons never got a divorce. Nine months ago, his wife suddenly passed away. We decided it was time to marry, and we’ve set the date for October.
Jed’s 35-year-old daughter, “Diane,’’ thinks it is too soon. She didn’t attend my bridal shower (this will be my first wedding). She said it makes her feel bad when people ask what she thinks about our upcoming marriage. She did, however, drop off an appalling gift. It contained Vaseline, jaw pain relief lotion, earplugs, female sexual stimulating gel and size 4 thong underwear (I am a plus size). There was no card inside.
I found these items offensive and let her know it. She lashed back at me, saying it was all a big joke and meant to be funny. Now we are not speaking. I believe the whole thing was intended as a slap in the face, illustrating her displeasure with the situation. We had been close until her mother passed away. Am I being too sensitive? What do you think?
NEW BRIDE
A. Bridal shower gifts traditionally include racy, amusing items. Even if you didn’t find her presents funny and weren’t sure they were well-intentioned, you still could have laughed it off and made light of the situation.
When a parent dies, many children, for a variety of reasons, feel guilty for not treating them better. This could be why Diane is showing her loyalty to Mom now. Also keep in mind that her mother died less than a year ago and she is probably still grieving. It might help your relationship with Diane to treat her with a little more sensitivity, and we hope you will try.
Q. My husband and I have neighbors who have get-togethers every weekend, and they always invite us. We like them, but we cherish our time alone together or with friends and really don’t want to socialize with the neighbors every weekend.
Although we have attended several of their functions, we know they are offended when we turn them down. How do we handle this?
CANADA
A. You have become hostages to your neighbors. You are not obligated to tie up your weekends with them, so please don’t allow them to bully you into doing so. Say as sweetly as possible, “We’re so sorry, but we have plans this weekend. Maybe another time.’’
Q. I read the letter from “Shorty’s Mom,’’ whose 18-year-old daughter is mistaken for a child. I am a petite 18-year-old girl. I barely reach 5 feet and weigh 100 pounds. I am always mistaken for being younger - usually around 13 or 14.
Although my size makes some things difficult (I once had to ask a boy in my art class to reach the paint off the top shelf), I am proud of my height. Tell Shorty’s Mom to let her daughter know she is not alone in this world.
ANOTHER SHORTY A. We love your positive attitude.
Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. 
