Child Caring writer Barbara Meltz fielded this question during a Boston.com chat:

Question: I have 3 children, 10 1/2, 8, and 4. I often worry about the middle child (2 girls, boy respectively) being, well, a middle child.

I feel guilty that she gets most of the negative attention since she tends to be the most rambunctious of all three. My biggest concern is how being in the middle will affect her later in life. My sister is a middle child and has seemed to make poor choices in life, especially her husband, which makes her life so difficult and is difficult to watch. Thank you.

Barbara Meltz: Some people put more stock in the significance of birth order than others, but what's at the heart of it, I think, is the involvement and attention chidlren perceive they are getting from parents.

I think the mistake parents make is to always try to be equal and fair. What one child needs is not always the same for another, so that can sometimes backfire. You want your children to have an equal shot at your attention and love, but one may need more scaffolding for homework and the other doesn't, but that one has trouble with nightmares and needs more help at bedtime.

The message you want all your kids to get is that you are raising them according to their needs and sometimes that doesn't seem fair.

Agree with Barbara's advice? Write in our comments section if you have words of your own. Or ask Barbara a question of your own on Boston.com on Mon., Oct. 27.