Does your husband have unresolved mother or father issues of his own?

Early puberty is also caused by the ubiquitous presence of hormones in food.

The husband sounds abusive, and should be in therapy. The son should be kept from it until months go by and the father resolves his anger issues.

I find that husbands often act like little boys and have temper tantrums of their own- Making it harder for them to get along. Tell your husband he needs to act like an adult.

I read Raising Cain for a school district wide book club and found it not at all helpful. I thought he spent a lot of time discussing various cases he had come across, but no time giving concrete/how to advice. Kevin Leman has concrete advice in "Have a New kid by Friday". The techniques really help me nip a brewing argument or negotiation session in the bud. It also works on husbands and co-workers.

"I find that husbands often act like little boys and have temper tantrums of their own- Making it harder for them to get along. Tell your husband he needs to act like an adult."

I think that you are generalizing about husbands and men in general. Perhaps you are having some conflict with your husband or some other man in your life but please do not lump us all into this category based on your sad experiences.

I think some fathers are harder on sons. I often feel they want/expect more of "their son." And, if he is the oldest child, forget it. I agree that fathers have to act more like an adult and remember that there is an age difference. So, they are not starting off equal to begin with. Sad part, these boys could be acting out just to get some much needed attention from their fathers.

While Barbara's advice is pretty decent, the comments are interesting.. lots of unhelpful advice from women who clearly have issues with men. Abusive?? Issues?? temper tantrums?? please. The Dad needs to man-up, understand it is not a personal attack, and be the adult. Junior is starting the separation process. A perfectly normal, but sometimes difficult process as he figures out who he is apart from his parents.

Reindeergirl and Mariah,
How do you come up with that? Nobody mentioned anger or violence. Maybe the kid has other issues. Maybe the issue is with mom. Your reply's are a bit harsh considering it is one side of a story. But using terms like "abusive" and suggesting he should seek therapy are unfair to say without knowing all the facts. Why is it that most women come right out and blame the husband???

Being a father and having a 9 year old, I can relate the situation. Regulary facing conflicts with my son, rest assured I love him and want only the best. It seems most of the times our conflict is due to either misunderstanding (by me of what it is that angers or antagonizes him), or it's a task that he does not want to do. I've learned a lot over time to improve the way (by greater structure/predictability) the way I present tasks to improve his "compliance". It's simple on one level, like "no video game until homework is done". Two final points is that this has gone on long before he turned 9, and yes, counseling has been of immeasureable value.

I love this blog. They screen out people's comments that the author doesn't like. I'll say it again, the women who post here who have indicited the father are the issue. He's abusive and has anger issues? Maybe he's a minister who is too lienent. You have no idea. Go back to Wellesley College you militants.

My fiance and I have been together for 7 years and we have the same problem. He and my ten-year-old son with Asperger's are often at odds. My fiance's methods of discipline are ineffective and he has a hard time understanding that he is digging a deeper and deeper hole that will be harder to get out of.

Since he does not seem to respond to direct advice, despite his "oh, okay, yeah", I have decided to schedule weekly family meetings as a means of modeling appropriate communication. I have set the rules based on what I think their relationship lacks (speaking in a respectful tone, no voice raising, no interrupting, speak for yourself/no blaming, honesty is accepted and encouraged, etc.) At these meetings, you can bring up any issue you want; if you don't have an issue or anything to share, you must compliment each of the other family members for at least one thing you liked that they did over the past week (to promote positive reinforcement).
My hope is to eventually rotate the leader of our family meetings so that each person may have a turn in guiding a positive discussion. I think this will take some time but I am keeping positive.

Obviously, no matter what, the parent should always be more mature than the child. The child may not like the parent at the time, but the parent must always be the bigger person and show love and kindness to his/her child.
Discipline is a must, but love goes with it hand-in-hand.

I understand what your kid is going through because i have been through that myself. When I was that age I didn't get along with my dad and it stayed that way to this day. So what I recommend is that you have your husband be more open and and trust worthy to his kid because at that age every little thing can effect how they may or may not get along down the road. Hope this helps.