The following is from a Boston.com reader Q&A this week with Child Caring writer Barbara Meltz:

We have a niece that is almost 18 and gets very little structure from her parents. She has no driver's license, no job, is not attending college and has basically no drive at all.

When we talk to her about what she wants to do, she thinks that we are picking on her. She is not outgoing at all and the things she wants to do, we tell her that she will need to go to school.

I did take her aside a few weeks ago and tell her that if she is interested in something, or wants to learn more about a school or job field to let us know and that we would do what we could to help her find the answers. I'm also afraid that her two younger sister are going down the same road.
M

Barbara Meltz: Hi M, You may have more influence with the two younger nieces; create a variation of "take your daughter to work" and try to expose them to appropriate possibilities.

College is not for everyone, but everyone needs a way to feel good about herself. I'm not saying to give up on the 18-year-old; I would try to find ways to expose her to jobs or programs that you think might be interesting to her.

And what about talking to the parents? What do they imagine for her? What you can do and how much influence you can have as aunt/uncle is obviously going to be dictated by the relationship you have with the parents, too.

Agree with this advice? Have some of your own? Let us know in our comments section below -- and ask a question of Barbara Meltz during her next chat on Monday, Oct. 20 on Boston.com..