November 1, 2008

Is school turning my kid into a germaphobe?

The following came from a Boston.com reader Q&A with Child Caring writer Barbara Meltz this week:

Question: My child is 5-1/2. At school there is such an emphasis on hand-washing, not sharing food, polite coughing/sneezing which is great except I feel like my child is turning into a germaphobe.

He was really upset when I took a sip of juice from his cup. He is concerned about pollution, and if it will make him sick...also with other things that we have cautioned about (glue, markers, paint).

We try to be honest about what is potentially harmful, but maybe we just need to relax in our teaching? I feel like he really takes it in as black/white.

Barbara Meltz: You're right; kids this age are concrete thinkers, not able to see shades of gray. Their brain simply has not developed that ability yet. You will see some changes in the next year, but don't look for a whole lot.

Meanwhile, one way you can ease it up for him is by what you model. Sometimes, you can mutter as if you are talking to yourself but loud enough for him to hear, "It's a good rule to do X, but I can use my judgment and make an exception sometimes."

And then at the same time, introduce the idea of individual judgment to him. Start by asking him, "Do you know what judgment is?"

One way to explain it might be, "It's when a person knows about a rule and why that rule is good, for instance, that you put the cap back on the marker so it doesn't dry out, but then you use your own ideas about it sometimes, too. Like, I'm just going to put this marker down for one quick second while I use these scissors, so the cap will only be off for a very very very short time, so I know it won't have time to dry out. That's called, 'using my judgment.'" Start with something concrete like that.

Agree with Barbara's advice? Have some of your own? Let us know in our comments section below.

Posted by: David Beard, Boston.com Staff at 06:48 AM | Link | Comments (7) | Email

tags child caring, germs, kids

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7 comments so far...

I was just thinking this the other day when I picked my 6 y/o son up from his afterschool care program. There where bottles of hand sanatizer all over the place and although he has been going there for a couple years, I never noticed. I think they have "stepped up" with their sanatizing. There have been recent stuedies (well about everything lately) but recent studies that have indicated these products regarding two factors....making germs stronger, and peoples immute to them weaker. Its a bad combination. I have a friend that installed Hand sanitizers on all the enrtry ways into his home while his wife was in the hospiotal having their..........

Posted by sanatize this November 1, 08 08:25 AM

I am a teacher in a public school system. My school has NAEYC accreditation (National Association for the Education of Young Children). The aim of accreditation
is to make sure there is high quality in the classrooms. That being said - you wouldn't believe their standards for handwashing - so extensive and so particular. I do believe strongly in handwashing, but they go totally overboard. But we must adhere to their standards. It is a frustration!!!!

Posted by Faye Kolin November 1, 08 12:02 PM

"He was really upset when I took a sip of juice from his cup."

I would be, too.

Posted by Liz November 1, 08 01:36 PM

This is not so much about what they teach them in school as it is about how a child absorbs it. Some kids are more "intense" than others and so spew back what they hear more intensely than others. Tell you child that its ok to share germs in families. If you saw the latest study of how long germs linger on common household objects, you would understand how true this is.

Posted by ash November 1, 08 08:48 PM

I think Faye is on the money here. At my daughter's day care some of the teachers are positively paranoid about following dopey rules, afraid of the administrators who are in turn afraid of the accreditation thugs.

Kids respond more or less strongly to advice about sanitation. It took us a LONG time to teach our daughter to catch her sneezes. I don't think that's excessive, I think it's good sense.

Posted by Chris-B-3 November 1, 08 11:30 PM

One of the first rules I can remember my mother teaching us - DON'T DRINK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CUPS!

Posted by jlco November 2, 08 07:30 AM

I think in general people have gone wayyyyy overboard in terms of cleanliness. My kids are not going to die instantly if they grab a cookie without washing their hands, and I don't intend to follow them around 24/7 to ensure that they bathe their entire bodies in antibacterial solution every time someone breathes at them. Sure, they need to be taught the basic 'wash your hands after the bathroom and before meals' stuff. But immune systems need a work out to be strong, and killing yourself to shield them from any possible germs is unnecessary.

Posted by BMS December 8, 08 11:23 AM

DO NOT HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE!

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about the authors

Lylah M. Alphonse is a member of the Boston Globe Magazine staff and mom and stepmom to five kids ranging in age from toddler to teen. In addition to writing for Child Caring, she also writes about juggling a full-time career and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day, and about everything else at Write. Edit. Repeat. When she's not glued to the computer or solving a kid-related crisis, she's in the kitchen or, occasionally, asleep.
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Barbara F. Meltz is a freelance writer, parenting consultant and author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes; Understanding How Your Children See the World." A former Globe staff writer, she wrote the weekly "Child Caring" column for 19 years. That column earned her many awards, including the 2008 American Psychological Association Print Excellence award. Barbara is available as a speaker for parent groups.
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