This advice is dead on. The only thing worse than having adult feelings for the first time is having the adults dismiss these very appalling feelings as not real or insignificant.

I have this theory that parents who dismiss their kid's feelings as not real or complete because of their age take the very first steps on the path to isolating their children from them. All parents say they want their teenagers to be able to talk to them, but let's face it: You wouldn't confide in someone who dismissed your feelings, so why would your middle-schooler!

Aww...poor kid. I would just maybe treat her to a special dinner, whether it is making her favorite dish or taking her out and just explain to her that it stinks and that if she wants to talk about it you are available. Maybe share a time when your own heart was broken...
I know when I was a teen-the LAST person I wanted to talk to was my mom...not because she was a bad mom, but she wasn't very comforting in this area ("oh there will be others...it isn't the end of the world")...which is fine, it is what I loved about my mom (no nonsense opinions).

Personally I would be mortified to know that my parents found out about my 1st crush, and broken crush, and tried to console me. There are certain things in a child's life that should remain in the domain of the child, and childhood friends, but not parents. This is certainly one of them.

my 2 cents

I totally agree with Barbara. Acknowledge your child's feelings. Don't make light of them. Your first reaction might be that they are too young to have had their heart broken, but feelings are feelings and they are real and painful to your child. Tell your child that you know how bad they feel, that you wish there were something you could do to make it better. Then be ready with an attentive ear and plenty of hugs.

I agree with Barbara. As long as the parent is sensitive to whether or not the child wants to talk about this, her approach seems reasonable.

I agree with Barbara. As long as the parent is sensitive to whether or not the child wants to talk about this, her approach seems reasonable.

You're joking, right? Sorry - I'm for the facts of life - deal with it situation. Disappointments have already happened earlier in pre-school & elementary school. Sympathize, ask how they feel, give them a hug and then go on with life. It's also nice to inject that you can't trust anyone at any age.

"Personally I would be mortified to know that my parents found out about my 1st crush, and broken crush, and tried to console me. There are certain things in a child's life that should remain in the domain of the child, and childhood friends, but not parents. This is certainly one of them."

That varies from person to person. Some kids tell their parents about their crushes in the first place.

Meanwhile, remember an earlier blog post here about the difficulties of talking to children about death in the family? I just saw an article on the opposite dilemma: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/4568697/Toddler-makes-full-recovery-after-spending-20-minutes-under-water.html

"...A toddler who fell into a swimming pool and spent almost 20 minutes submerged under water has amazed doctors and defied medical science by making a full recovery...

"...'It was hard to explain to her sisters that she was alive because they had seen her die at the pool.'"

I am going through the "dating" process with my 14 year old daughter and every single month she excitedly celebrates her next months anniversary with him. He is a nice, respectful boy but I cringe at the thought of him ever breaking up with him as she would be devastated. We talk alot about what they do, where they go and she always has my attention if the need arises where they have had a disagreement - face it, its difficult for mothers to "butt out" of the kids' relationship for fear they will get hurt. Its our job to protect them.....

Tell her the truth. It will happen again and again and again. People rarely find the "right" person the first time.

Of course, as everyone here has said, tell the truth that this is hard for them but also that they will get over it. However, I think that it is how you tell the truth...respectfully and lovingly. If you treat you kid's feelings as "real" and their disappointment as "real", they just might come back to you with other problems and disappointments in life. Isn't this what we signed up for when we had kids...to be there when they are happy and successful, but also to be there for them when they are down and when they fail?

As someone who spent a good portion of her middle and high school years feeling tragic over crushes or boyfriends, I offer my recollection that the most comforting words I received from my parents were those that related their own experiences. My mom's stories gave me the sense that you really do survive these things, and my father gave me perspective by telling me that he was at one time a teenager who had to learn how to treat women well. I suppose this comforted me because it gave me a sense that, although their marriage was a strong and happy one, it took work and tough experiences to get them there.

"It will happen again and again and again."

Yeah, nice way to teach a kid to isolate themselves.

Focus on the "it stinks, but it'll be fine". Teach them how to deal with adversity WITHOUT shocking them with just how often it will happen!

why is everyone assuming that the "young child" in the question is a girl? Young boys have crushes too; and they can have broken hearts as well.

Beat the weakness out of the child.

I can see why g05 is bitter: unemployed, bankrupt, bad credit (pro-lawsuit, anti-minority). Maybe we need kids that have a sense of hope and empathy to counteract adults like you! And maybe if you trusted people, you'd have a better network to fall back on.

(Watch out! Your posting history can and will be used against you in a court of public opinion!)

I too would have been mortified if my parents wanted to make it some huge teaching moment instead of a very personal disappointment.

My son (14) had his first heart-break last week and he was really upset but trying to hide it. He talked it out with me and we left it with "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was." He is concentrating on that now!

Music. Dancing. Crying and laughing. Soup. Things that smell nice. Soft clothes. Alone space if needed. Yuck, that hurts.