"Don't take things too seriously"

There are far too many horror stories that are thrown at first-time parents. If you don't do this properly, the baby will turn out stupid. If you do this, the baby will die. If you do this other thing, the baby is going to be sick. If you do this other thing, the baby won't grow up independent.

The bottom line is that infants are actually pretty good at keeping themselves alive, assuming you do things like feed them, diaper them and give them a place to sleep. You don't need to pump them full of Baby Einstein, have the "right" mobile, the "right" stroller, all-organic food, etc. Baby can even be taken out when it's cold (30 degrees) and even get a little sun on their skin, too -- it won't cause them to burn to a crisp in seconds!

My mother thought she was being helpful by telling me to give my daughter cereal at a week old to help her sleep through the night. Thankfully I had read enough books that I knew her digestive system couldn't handle that and the liquid diet of formula was best. It created some tension but I held my ground knowing it was best for my child. Who expects a week old infant to sleep through the night anyway? My husband and I were well aware that the first couple of months meant sleep deprivation.

I wish I had known about Elimination Communication (EC) when I had my first baby. It is awesome. I just thought it was cute when my daughter pointed to her diaper every time she had to pee (and would pee shortly thereafter)--this was as a newborn! Many of us noticed this. Had we used EC, she wouldn't have grown so reliant upon diapers (and probably been in underwear much sooner than almost three-years-old). www.diaperfreebaby.org It really works, as we found with our son.

Stay off of the Internet, there is a lot os scary information out there that is from very unreliable sources. Call you doctor if you have a question, you pay them a lot of money and that is what they are there for.

Not so much advice, but warnings I didn't head. The one that come to mind is a friend at work warned of the "black hole of sleep" in which all of my precious sleep would be sucked away by the new baby. I heard him, but didn't believe it. I am now a believer!

Advice: Buy only what you really need. Seriously - so much stuff we bought was utterly money wasted.

Ignored: Baby won't learn to fall asleep if you cosleep/rock to sleep

My mailman gave me two pieces of advice that I obey; 1. Do what feels right. 2. Ignore all the other advice.

One person's advice contradicts the next (and it's usually the 2 grandmothers that are contradicting one another!) . You have to choose your sources wisely and learn on your own. Do your own homework and make your own decisions.

I know this isn't quite what you asked, but the best piece of advice came from my pediatrician, when I asked about something that wasn't happening the way I expected - "The babies don't read the books." Every child is different, and for every milestone there is a range of what's normal (and just because your child doesn't hit some particular milestone in the normal range doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong!). Neither of my children EVER slept a wink on their tummies. I tried and tried, and finally gave up and put them on their backs. Again, the pediatrician - "If nobody's getting any sleep, then tummy-sleeping is not right for your child." Did I mention that I love my pediatrician??

I give all new parents the same advice, "Plenty of people wiill know more about babies than you do but no one will know more about your baby than you. Stick with your gut and tell everyone else (politely) to sod off!"

I was the first of my friends and siblings to have a baby, which was a blessing (no unwanted advice) and a curse (no good advice either). I wish that someone had told me that breastfeeding is hard - really hard - at first but becomes routine after about three weeks. I stuck it out because I didn't want to bottle feed but it would have been nice to know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel - it was a long three weeks! I wish that someone had clued me in to the magic of gripe water. I wish that I had trusted my gut and co-slept from day one instead of putting my son in that big, lonely crib where he was clearly unhappy. I wish I knew about attachment parenting. I wish I had ignored the useless iron and fluoride supplements.

I was a young mom but did do enough research that I felt confident about the big choices that were right for us (nursing, cloth diapers, no solids until 7th month, no sleep training) so any advice regarding very rigid, outdated parenting styles was easy for me to ignore.

I ignored everybody (except the pediatrician) and so far my children are fine. The worst advice I received? it was before the baby was born. I was told "you never go early with your first baby". Had I not gone with my gut and got to the hospital 15 days early, I don't know how my c section baby would have been born!!

The best one I got was that at about 6 weeks- or was it 10 weeks - the baby will need much more food that s/he did previously and that your milk and the baby's needs will take a bit to sort themselves out.

I ignore almost everything, and stopped reading. The most useless were: get the shopping cart cover, drink soda to gain weight (while pregnant from a Ultrasound tech), sleep when they sleep, you absolutely have to breastfeed, read "What to Expect", which I found to be far to simplistic.
Helpful advice was don't listen to anyone. The one I learned myself, read your baby, you'll know them best.
The advice absolutely no one listens to but should, DON'T BUY EVERYTHING! TAKE STUFF FROM OTHERS. I know you don't want your precious baby touching other people's yucky skeeze, but at least test that they like something before buying it.
The other, do your best to ignore your mother-in-law. Most likely she'll know everything about all babies and you could never compete, so nod smile and take your baby back.

Advice I ignored: don't share the bed with baby. Co-sleeping was the key to my survival as a full-time working, breastfeeding Mom. It is amazing to me that in this country we are expected to return to work weeks after birthing (the dark ages compared to virtually all other developed countries who actually support working familIes by offering 6 months or more of PAID parental leave) , AND attach our exhausted bodies to a breast pump two or three times a day. And then drag ourselves up at night to take baby out of the crib to breastfeed? And don't forget about older siblings, cooking, cleaning... No wonder most women don't breast feed beyond a few months! I found that the only way for me to keep going was to get most of the breastfeeding done over the course of the night. Roll over, nurse, go back to sleep. Co-sleeping is not for everyone, but it was a lifesaver for me.

Worse advise from my pediatrician: You should be weaning your 13 month old. Yeah, right. I weaned myself from that doctor instead. Best advice: Trust your instincts. My kids turned out fine.

Best advice: The earlier you start with simple routines (i.e. bedtime), the better. Our daughter has slept through the night since she was 6 weeks old because of the routine we started her on after about 4 weeks.

Advice ignored: Co-sleeping is the best thing for baby and anything less is tantamount to abandonment and she'll never sleep through the night. Funny enough, 6 weeks is when we moved her out of our room too; Sleep when baby sleeps (no time, even with no other children).

Worst advice: If you don't breastfeed, you're a terrible mother who gives up too early. Sorry, but I dried up in spite of doing everything I was told by the lactation consultants - and beat myself up horribly over it because I listened to these sanctimonious moms who bestowed that gem upon me.

Advice I wish I had gotten: Babies can be started on meat much earlier than 9 months. America is the only nation that doesn't introduce meat as a first food as a course of routine. After talking to our pediatrician (too late on that score), she's been eating everything but honey. No allergies have surfaced, even to the dreaded peanut - and she prefers three cheese ravioli in basil pesto over mac and cheese. In fact, she'll gobble up the former and throw the latter on the floor. Hopefully this makes for a less picky eater in the long run - and one willing to try new foods!

I don't consult online experts or read all of the conflicting guidance and advice from this doctor or that. It's ridiculous

Advice I wish I had been given:

Advice I wish I had been given earlier than I got it: The absolutely best diaper rash treatment I've ever used is olive oil mixed with corn starch. My oldest would get diaper rash so bad, he would actually welt from it. We tried every over the counter medicine that was sold. Then a woman at work told me about the olive oil mixture and we didn't have a problem with it again. This was a life save for us.

Best advice I didn't get:
Breastfeeding is a constant challenge. After about a month, the soreness and initial frustrations will work themselves out as you and the baby learn how to do it better, your arms and wrists get stronger, and somehow the nipples finally heal. As baby becomes more active or gets teeth there will be new challenges, but your baby is smart and will respond to gentle, consistent discipline at the breast.

I wish I'd known how tough it would be, how hard it would be for me to nurse in public, how long the pain would last. I also wish that along with video of real births in my birthing classes I was shown video of real women with real breasts nursing babies. It would have helped me to see that it isn't always done like the illustrations in books. I wish America didn't have such an obsession with breasts and exposure so that women could learn how to do this wonderful and natural act in a realistic way.

Most people's advice comes from their past experience, it has nothing to do with the present moment between you and your child. Your child chose you as their parents, trust your own instincts and love them all the time.

My pediatrician didn't want me to let my infant sleep in a certain position (I forget which), for fear of SIDS. But my belief was that the baby just needed to be close to me and that I wouldn't roll upon her. Many times she slept on my tummy and it worked fine. I'm a believer in cosleeping and it has never been a problem for us.

I read the The Baby Book by Dr. Bill Sears that encouraged me to let my then nursing boy to sleep in my bed. I'm still trying to train him to sleep in his own bed and he's five years old!

I'm so glad I saw the movie "The Business of Being Born." It lead me to explore differnt approaches to the birthing process. I had read What to Expect When Your Expecting previously and now I know what a totally rediculous and stupid book it is. And the best advice I ever got was to ignore everyone else. And I also agree with the poster who wrote about elimination communication. What a wonderful thing it is to not have my toddler wearing diapers 24/7.

Though I'm not sure it would have made much difference (because I wouldn't have believed it) I wish I had been told that every my part of my life prior to children, and every semblance thereof, would be eliminated and re-created the day it was confirmed we were expecting. If I had understood this, I would not have spent much time doing things that were important at the time, but are now meaningless.

I remember the simple days of just getting in the car and going to the store for milk, or sitting down in a chair when I got home from work, going to bed early when I was sick, etc. Those days were lost very early in the maternity phase.

My blessing is two wonderful and healthy kids who couldn't possibly understand the daily sacrifices of parenthood, until it is their turn. Nor would I impose upon them the burdens they will (God willing) someday carry themselves. Now is their turn to be children and enjoy their lives. They should not have to worry about more than homework, minding their manners and understanding that daily chores are part of life.

The only real advice I hope to give someday is not "wait until you're older" to have kids. There is a lot to be said for starting your family immediately after finishing your formal education. For me, every day that passed B.C. (before children) was another day of lost to history instead of spending it with them. All the other problems encountered in my turn at parenthood, are truly little more than background noise...

That the only things I really needed before my baby came was a few onesies, diapers, lanolin for sore nipples and burp cloths. I outfitted a nursery, bought toys, stuffed animals, things that made pretty music, furniture, bedding and everything else I saw. But my baby slept with me, she really just wanted to hear my voice, feel my skin, look at the smiling faces around her. Wait until your baby is around awhile before you start buying anything. Chances are good you won't need as much as you think.

Worst advice: that formula could be deadly due to bacterial contamination (which of course is extremely rare). Yep. A nurse told me that, so I'd be sure to breastfeed. Then when I had trouble, and wasn't producing enough milk, my baby lost weight and I was a complete mess, thinking she was staving to death but that if I fed her formula, she might be poisoned. Pediatrician had to "prescribe" formula so I could get on with it. Lesson: Be wary of zealots on both sides of the breastfeeding debate. Do what is right for you and your family.

Bottom line: a happy mom is a happy baby.

1. Don't underestimate how smart babies are. They can understand what you are saying far sooner that you realize it. You can hold toddlers to a higher level of behavioral responsibility than you think.

2. Parenting is all about the guilt. The sooner you get over it, the sooner you can parent.

For clothes - only buy what you need to fit your newborn! Wait until later to buy the larger sizes. Case in point - my baby was due in the fall and before he arrived I bought a bunch of cute summer clothes to fit a nine month old. Well at two months he was fitting into his three-month clothes and at five months he was breaking into the nine month sizes. So many brand new clothes wasted because I was trying to buy ahead sizes for different seasons.

Read Kahlil Gibran's chapter "Children" in the book "The Prophet" http://leb.net/gibran/

The advice I ignored: never co-sleep with your baby...without co-sleeping nursing in bed I would never have gotten any sleep; let them cry it out - never did it and I can tell you that my 6 year old sleeps very well thank you...in his own bed; and was also told repeatedly to sleep and eat on a schedule - did no such thing and don't regret it.

Advice I give now: follow your instincts, and that is the only advice I will give now.

@Phe "Best advice: The earlier you start with simple routines (i.e. bedtime), the better. Our daughter has slept through the night since she was 6 weeks old because of the routine we started her on after about 4 weeks. "
Sorry to break it to you, but your daughter didn't sleep through the night at 6 weeks because you had some magical bedtime routine. She slept through the night at 6 weeks because you got damn lucky.
That's the kind of advice that new parents need to ignore. It will give you an inferiority complex if you get a normal baby, and especially if you get a difficult one! You can optimize your baby's sleep with some routines, but no guarantees!

Not to worry too much - but I find this is typical of older parents. In general I think waiting (in age) to have kids is way overrated - have em young while you have time and can stand the lack of sleep ;). Kids can and will make mistakes and that's how they grow and learn to be self-sufficient. Of course making consequences reasonable (don't put them in real danger) but I also think many parents way overestimate the dangers facing today's children. Nannystatism starts young these days.

Be sure and use grace as much or more than hard discipline and/or harsh/quick reactions to screw-ups.

Best advice: Don't listen to advice. I went with my gut from homebirthing to nursing to baby doesn't need a $200 stroller. He's none the worse for wear.

Worst advice: Don't eat garlic. My baby loved it when I had garlic or other spicy food when I was nursing. He would eat an amazing amount the next day.

We also made sure that we shared a lot of the sleep deprivation and such -- hubby would diaper, I would nurse, etc. It made their relationship much closer, and us more understanding of each other's tiredness.

Best advice was from a friend and dad of three ... God (or Nature or whatever omnipotent thing you believe in) makes first children hardy enough to withstand first time parents!

Worst Advice: Don't eat garlic when you are breastfeeding. Seriously, think about it - does that make any sense? As my pediatrician asked me" Do you seriously think that all the Italian mothers cut garlic out of their diets?" Eat what you like and eat lots of healthy varieties (with water!) and you and the baby will be fine.

Best Advice: "it's just how god makes 'em." If you have a great sleeper, eater, nurser, rejoice! If you don't, know it's just the baby and the phase will pass. There isn't much you can do to change your baby and if you become wedded to a system or theory you'll just feel like a failure (remember these books are written to make money -- so there has to be some "Golden Nugget" to sell the book - in reality, it's just trial and error and sometimes the baby just moving on). Listen to your pediatrician, buy a book that seems to fit your parenting personality (I liked Baby 411, but you might not!) and refer to it, but don't underestimate your instincts.

And even better advice -- "lotso f people know more about babies than you, but noone knows more about your baby than you." So just be gracious and take your mother in law's (or aunt's, mom's, neighbor's, etc.) advice w/ a smile and grain of salt. I wish, in retrospect, that I hadn't been so offended when my mother in law criticized my choices (she didn't even want me to try breastfeeding!) and just been a little more gracious with her. After all, mom is still the boss - well and baby too - and the pair of us are still doing the breastfeeding thing at 13 months!).

Oh, and my own -- don't stress about the breastfeeding thing. I urge all moms to try because you may find it to be a great thing like I did. But also know that it is only one part of being a mom. There is so much more to it than your boobs!

K