i understand y ppl r so concerned about riri,i am 2.but wat about chris, no one is concerned about him.do not forget dat he 2 waz abused.nd he acted in defense,anger,nd being provoked.THEY BOTH TOOK THE WRONG WAY IN SOLVING THEIR PROBLEM…STOP JUDING BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH HUMANS AND YOUNG.PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.DON’T WISH HIM/HER BAD OR DEATH,THEY NEED PRAYER AND HELP.PLUS STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE SO DAMN PERFECT

i am a lady from Africa firstly i would like to thank Oprah for dedicating the show to all the Rihannas there are plenty of Rihanas in Africa women get beaten everyday by their husbands and this because most of them they are housewifes whom doesnt work in other cultures men are considered to be the head of the family the breadwiiner so a women has to do his way. As forRihanna's case we dont have to say seeing her parents abusing each other is an excuse for her to take an abuser most of our genration in Africa who are well educated who are financially independent we have witnessed the parents abuse for almost everyday for the 191119years

Its horible rihanna is nice and i dont know what chris brown was doing

I don't know how anyone can say "what about chris" or "it was her fault." the fact is he BEAT her to a pulp. maybe she hit him first or whatever, I'm not saying that's right either, but he should have been a man and walked away. obviously the situation is messed up but it is NEVER right for a person to hit another person.

I think the point of this survey is that kids are growing up in a culture where relationship violence is very common, more common probably than we realize and people don't report it because they think it's "normal" and that's sad. Then their idols like Diddy and Akon come out and say "it's normal for two people to be mad at each other, it's none of our business." what are they supposed to think?

My granddaughter loves Chris Brown's music. I have listened to it and found it appealing. But, how do you tell children that liking a celebrity or his/her work doesn't mean that you have to justify their bad behavior as normal. Using a comparison of Michael Phelp's behavior was also wrong. Neither should be accepted by our standards and mores. If we want to raise our kids with a concept of good and bad behavior, we need to start putting pressure on these promoters who are willing to accept the most unacceptable forms of behavior as okay as long as they are making money off the deal. Our kid's lives depend on it, and us to set examples and speak out on this repulsive behavior. If Chris Brown is not stopped, he will end up like O.J. Simplson.

Leah - No no no. This is totally, absolutely, positvely NOT okay. If he doesn't like her reading his messages he should tell her so, and they can discuss and argue about it, but the physical violence is NEVER okay. If some boy does this to you it is NEVER OKAY. Not even a little bit of it. If someone does this to you, walk away.
Sure, Rihanna shouldn't be reading him messages, but she doesn't deserve any beating for it. She deserves a scolding yes. Beating no.
If someone hits you ONCE because of a TEXT MESSAGE - think about what might happen when something more serious happens. If he doesn't it once, he will definitely do it okay. Walk away. Walk away.

On another gossip site I saw a bunch of people claiming that the media attention is a plot by whites to put black men down.

Ever noticed how, whenever 2 people who aren't at the "top of the heap" (male, straight, able-bodied, wealthy, in the majority race and religion, etc.), people who don't automatically side with whoever's closer to the top (like automatically siding with a black man against a black woman, automatically siding with a straight Muslim against a gay Muslim, automatically siding with a rich Indian against a poor Indian, etc.) get accused of oppression?

What an awful story all around. I don't doubt that Brown may have learned to beat women by himself being around spousal abuse as a child. Nor do I doubt that Rihanna has reasons of her own to "stand by her man" even after he's beaten the hell out of her. But that's the point. These cycles of violence and unhealthy dependencies need to be broken. People ought to be reaching out to these two people and offering help, though Brown obviously needs to face justice, too. It is nauseating that these two kids are so warped and consumed by their fame that they have now recorded some sort of "make-up" duet.
And it's more depressing that so many youths think Rihanna was asking for it.

Dear Enablers,

I do not care what the excuse is for beating somebody up, but abusers are cowards and bullies.

Being mad is natural - we all get angry or upset. Beating somebody senseless because you are angry is criminal, and the perpetrator should go to jail.

As a male I find it ridiculous how many people feel that this was "provoked" or "her fault". Yes, she was involved in the argument, and most likely was not saying the nicest things to him. But, was he under any physical threat? Could she have made his face look like hers did? I'm sorry, but I've been in plenty of heated arguments w/ girlfriends over the years, and never once did I raise a hand to them. There's nothing justifiable in what he did, plain and simple. And for her to go back to him afterwards just continues the cycle. She's gorgeous and I can guarantee there's millions of other men out there who would treat her FAR better than this "kid" has. I hope he gets jail time. And comment #1, are you serious???

i dont think the we should care to whats going on between them because we will never know what really went down, rite now everyone is asuming and coming up with their own conclusions but it will never be true because we werent there to actually see the incident...

There is no excuse for this type of violence, period. I don't care if Chris Brown was abused as a child. That means he needs help--it doesn't mean that his behavior is excused.

I'm tired of the media suggesting that Rihanna should somehow be punished for going back to him. She's doing what many other women have done. She loves him, she believes him, and she probably believes that she did something wrong. I hope she gets help, too, so she can get out of that mindset. I pray that he doesn't kill her first. Hopefully, everything is public enough so that it doesn't happen. I would hate to think that a 19-year-old man is beyond redemption, and perhaps he can still learn that this is not the way to treat anyone. But, if he was raised in a cycle of violence, it will be that much harder for him to break it. I wish that Rihanna could step away from him until he resolves everything.

Some guys hit girls. Some don't. The ones that do, always will. So simple.

This is one of the most upsetting things I have read in a while!!! How can people actually justify his behavior?? It is shocking!

Imagine if you went into a store and shoplifted something - a 20$ bag. And imagine if the security guard beat you up the way Chris Brown allegedly beat up Rihanna. Would that be okay? Would the store's security guard be justified in beating the hell out of you because you stole something. NO!!! He can arrest you and take legal action. But, he can't beat you up even though you did something wrong.

This is totally unacceptable. Yes, people can lose their temper, but Brown didn't lose his temper, he lost his mind. Beating somebody like that is twisted. Perhaps Brown felt violated, but that was not even close to an appropriate response. If this was two friends, both men, or both women, I have a feeling people would think its more controversial. We still have a way of thinking its the business of the couple and turning a blind eye when its domestic abuse.
I couldn't care less if his career is ruined over this, he deserves the consequences to his actions.

I think Tupac said it best...."I think it's time to kill for our women, time to heal our women, be REAL to our women"

poohbear (#11): one thing we DO know is that he BEAT HER BLOODY. He admitted he did it, she admitted he did it. It doesn't matter what else went down. That's the whole point everyone is trying to make. He had no right to hit her no matter what. It's time to stop sweeping relationship violence under the rug by pretending it's none of our business. What if Rihanna was your daughter, sister, best friend?

To parents out there, please teach your children, both male & female, it is not okay to hit ANYONE. It is NEVER the victim's fault and NO the person did NOT have it coming and ABSOLUTELY DID NOT ask for it. And another thing, teach yourselves and your children to find real heroes and role models. Just because someone is in the public eye doesn not mean they automatically have to be role models. They're human, they like anyone else make mistakes. It's really rediculous that because someone can sing, hit a ball, catch a pass etc. that makes them role model material.

The Boston teens must be coming from abusive homes and have learned violence. Anyone who blames Rihanna for Chris Brown's crime needs help. I only hope these Boston girls get the counseling and education they need to help them ascend beyond their current situations.

pooh - we did see her face. We do know what happened.
He hit her. They both agree to that.

Not ok. Not ok. Not ok. Not ok.

It is not EVER ok to hit your girlfriend. No matter what she says or does.

Real men don't hit.

Hitting her is not ok under any circumstances. It is NO ok. It is never ok.

I think the main concern here is that kids think it was ok for this man to beat a women mercilessly. No matter what said or done-it is assault and battery. What does this say about the next generation? And it's no surprise that Nickelodeon didn't strip Chris Brown of his title because the 'kids voted for him'. As my mother used to say-if your friend jumped off the roof, does that mean you should jump off, too? Nickelodeon is also the 'kids' network that has softcore porn shows like Degrassi. I was a social worker and saw the ugly side of these things. My kids aren't allowed to watch anything other than PBS or dvds that I purchase for them. We have no video games. Any playdates are done at my house to ensure that my kids are not left unattended with the firearms, internet, video games or tv, or exposed to weird uncle Chester, 'friends' of the family, neighbors or inappopriate sublings.

leah (and the others posting who cannot write a sentence in English) -- I fear for your generation. Not only because you somehow find it acceptable for a man to hit a woman, but also because the txtspk makes you sound like an idiot. Perhaps one day you will realize that the way you present yourself in public has a lot to do with the way you are treated by people. "Public" nowadays also includes the Internet, as well.

I was raised (as a boy and a man) to know that it was never, ever acceptable to hit a woman. That definition has since expanded to include other men. The behavior is just plain unacceptable, I don't care where you come from or what your background is. The bigger person is the one who stops the fight and controls their animal instincts.

What do you expect in a state where a wife-beater can plead guilty to A&B and get his record wiped clean by attending "Anger Management Classes"? Oh, yes, and beating one's wife does not prove one is a bad father - one can still get partial custody of the kids. Lesson to abused wives/girlfriends:
don't leave him if you want to protect the children! He will get unsupervised visits with them once he is out of the court-ordered classes!

My child's pediatrician told me it is not unusual for a father to get one child taken away by DSS after beating him, but get to keep all the others - until they have been severely harmed, also. What a surprise - these children and their friends grow up believing this behavior is normal and acceptable.

These are the choices they (Rihanna and Chris) have made. She will have to live with it, no matter how much of a jaggoff the guy is. Let's stay out of it.

poohbear,

You are saying that "it will never be true because we werent there to actually see the incident..."

So if I make sure to beat somebody up in the privacy of my own home, nobody should judge me because they were not there to see it... Gee, I wonder how would that work for you if you were the one that thug beat up (privately, of course).

Ugh. Ugh, ugh ugh. LMA, thanks for posting this I will be having a talk with my 11 year-old son and step-daughter this weekend. I hope that none of my kids ever think like Leah (comment #1) or poohbear (#11). Scary thought process. I wonder if the parents of the kids who think Rihanna was at fault know what they're children think, and if they know enough to correct their thinking or perpetuate this behavior themselves.

Relationship violence is NEVER OKAY. NEVER DESERVED.

Sad survey results. Perhaps if more kids had their father's in the picture that treated them and their mother's with respect - these kids would know that Brown's behavior is, without a doubt or question, unacceptable under ANY circumstances.
For anyone to give this guy any wiggle room or excuse his behavior is setting them selves up to be a victum or abuser.

I have a question: WHO THE F*CK CARES??? I wish both of these talentless pieces of crap would just go away.

The point isn't who cares about two celebrities. The point is that someone beats up someone else and many teenagers think that a.) emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse is a normal part of a relationship and b.) the person who was beaten was somehow "responsible" for the abuse. That's what horrific. -- LMA

Abuse is Abuse - regardless if it is physical, emotional or verbal. Leopards don't change their spots. An abuser rarely, if ever, changes.

I wish there was a more formal poll taken, and I think this issue deserves it. For example, what were the boys responses vs. girls responses? Are these urban kids, suburban kids? Do we have any historical data to compare it to (say 20, 40 year old polls)? Without this kind of data, we can't identify where the biggest educational needs are, and if this is a growing trend or the same attitudes we've seen for years.

And I'm not trying to trivialize any of this... I almost puked when I read this article. I never dreamed our next generation would be anywhere close to this kind of acceptance. I just wish there was more context included before we assume that 1 out of 2 kids find this OK.

Thanks for commenting, 20/10. I'm hoping that this small local poll inspires something much larger at the national level. -- LMA

This is all crap!!! NO WOMAN deserves to get beaten! No matter what they say or do!!!! Chris Brown should have been man enough to walk away!!!!!

Violence is never the answer.

Except on TV and in Movies

...and in books for that matter.

Also - in the playground. And sometimes during kids' hockey games. And when that jerk in front of you cuts you off. Or if we don't like the way a country is behaving and we need to declare war.

Violence is also sometimes the answer when confronting a Yankees fan who is being annoying. Also - some believe it can be effective way of getting information out of an enemy when they are captured - especially if they are terrorists.

Violence is also the answer for many people who play professional sports.

Violence is always the answer in boxing.

This survey doesn't surpirse me. Our kids aren't dumb. They KNOW VIOLENCE is the ANSWER. You might, too if you think about it.

Perhaps we need to teach kids that there are other answers, too.

Have anyone here read her part in the police report she started it all and was the first one 2 strike him will driving now u tell me if she's a victim?? She could've made him crash so stop blaming him he obiviously lost it and got fed up of her constant verbal and physically abuse because it also states in the report that she is the one who is always hitting him while he walk aways he had enough and snap dam he is human it wasn't good but people learn from their mistakes.. Stop being so dam judgemental!

LOL Leah. A girl posting that it's basically OK for a man to beat the sh*t out of a girl is pretty funny. I guess you deserve that kind of treatment from a guy then if that's your standard. What is wrong with kids today? Oh, and go back to school to learn how to write ENGLISH.

Iris, so if a girl hits a guy it's OK for the guy to hit a girl repeatedly and send her to the hospital?? Just like Leah, you deserve a man like Chris Brown.

I like both of them and I hope they able to get past this and get back to normal.
Dating should be in love, or in like and fun, if you don't find that happen to you, then you should just dump each other and move on.

leah sounds like another woman suffering from battered wife syndrome..."HE STILL LUV ME; HE AIN'T DO IT AGEN"

you should seek help.

They both are at fault, then. He should have pulled the car over and told her to get out of the car. I'm sure she has a cell phone and can afford cab fare. Or maybe she should have told him to pull over so she could get out.

BOTH of them are wrong. They should keep as far away from each other as possible. The next time this happens (and there will be a next time, it's only a matter of the right text message plus booze and/or drugs) there's a decent chance one of them is going to end up seriously hurt or dead.

This isn't about miscommunication in relationships. This isn't about the fights that every couple has. This isn't about when it's okay to hit someone, and it's isn't about the careers of celebrities.

Relationship abuse, which includes (but is not limited to) physical abuse, is a terrible thing. It's more than just the act of hitting someone, or manipulating someone; the abuser is almost always someone that the victim trusts, looks up to, or loves. Abuse has nothing to do with rational issues; abuse is about power and control, as are other forms of sexual violence. It's about taking control away from the victim.

What about Chris Brown's career? How is that even relevant? This man assaulted his girlfriend and threatened to kill her. It doesn't matter who he is; he should be held responsible for what he did. His behavior shouldn't be rationalized or excused. Yes, we SHOULD be upset that a celebrity that many of us, or our children, might admire, did something so unacceptable and wrong. Our reaction, however, should not be that Rihanna must have somehow deserved what she got.

Sexual and intimate violence most often occurs with a male perpetrator and a female or child victim (the numbers are overwhelming). This violence is rooted in our social expectations and roles; we live in a culture where men are pressured to be as masculine as possible, and violence is an inherent part of American masculinities. Meanwhile, women are constantly pressured to take responsibility for their relationships; when something goes wrong, many women feel the need to apologize and rationalize that it was their fault.

In an abusive relationship, because the victim of abuse almost always loves or trusts her abuser, it's incredibly common for victims to still love their abuser after the abuse starts. It's incredibly common for victims to forgive their abusers and try to repair the relationship. There's a reason why we call it the "cycle of abuse;" it keeps going around and around.

Sexual and intimate violence is not something that we learn about in an academic setting, at least not until late high school or college, if then. We grow up influenced by social attitudes about violence, as well as ignorance about what sexual violence entails (I am guilty of previously thinking that domestic violence was limited to drunk men in dirty shirts hitting their wives with rolling pins).

What can we do about it? We can utilize the internet to learn about what sexual violence REALLY is; we can minimize victim-blaming by understanding that violence is about control, not something the victim actually did; and bringing up the subject with friends, family, and our children in an effort to dispell myths, open up a taboo subject, and eventually make enough of a difference that someday, if something like this case occurs again, 99-100% of Boston youths will agree that the abuser is at fault.

Also, while I am really annoyed with some of the ridciculously ignorant and inappropriate comments here, I'm also really glad to see that so many other people understand the issues. I've been working again sexual violence for the past three years now on my college campus, and the whole thing has been an uphill battle.

And to all those who think that things never change, keep in mind that until the 1980s, spousal abuse was legal, and one hundred years ago, women couldn't vote. Things DO change, and they can KEEP changing. We just need to ensure that the next generation doesn't grow up thinking that violence against women is okay.

It amazes me that some people think that Chris Brown's physical abuse was justified for whatever reason they claim. Whether Rihanna slapped him or started the argument, that doesn't matter. No man should hit a woman, period. Maybe it is because I am from the south, but I don't believe that physical violence, especially against women, is the way to solve anything. And for the people who are saying that Rihanna is trying to ruin his career? That is ridiculous. The girl has human rights and she is using them. I hope the women that are making these insane comments don't have daughters because they will have a messed up outlook on how relationships should be. And I'm sorry, for anyone who says "don't judge Chris Brown..." The man beat up his girlfriend. Of course I'm going to judge him.

Iris - I read the only available police report that was put out about a week ago...is there something more recent that I have missed?

There must be, because in what I read there was NOTHING that stated she "started it" or "hit him first" or anything of that nature - period!

Can you please supply me with these documents - I mean of course links to them? Because I don't know where so many people are getting this...of course from a forum such as this and it is just being repeated over and over as truth when there is nothing in the evidence to prove that!

If I am wrong, I will be glad to read the links provided! THANK YOU!

this is normal acceptable behavior in the city. i wonder why people flee to the suburbs?

My opinon on this is that we haven't heard from either of them plus we weren't there.
no man should never hit a woman nor a woman hit a man. lets keep it real woman tend to be all up in a mans face and sometimes provoking him to hit her . Woman also abuse their mates but I am just tired of everyone blaming him when she maybe the culprit.

riannia isnt the 1 to balme she is the victum in this , Cris is the 1 to blame , she HAD A RIGHT to get mad when she read the txt and he had no right to hit her .i hope she leaves him because he was lucky to have her for the time being and he is the 1 that screwd there realatioinship up with his childish ways of his anger controlment.

Ok ok ok now i kno wat chris did was wrong but come on... we are talkin about the cutest most nicest guy in the music industry... the whole incident is not totally all his fault... from what i heard Rhiana hit him first and i always thought that if u can give out hits then u can sure nuff recieve... but he didnt exactly have to beat her up like that... so basically what im tryna say is YOU all need to leave him alone hop off his swag!!... i mean come on lets not forget that the stupid bitch went back to him anyway so she must not have thought the situation was that damn serious!!!! LUV U CHRIS KEEP YA HEAD UP ND DNT WORRY BOUT THESE HATERZ!!!

riri neds to stop mesig with chris brown so get it sraught *****.

My daughter is entirely too young to be aware of this. A baby, she's still trying to figure out if that's her in the mirror or a playmate - and she doesn't even know that she's a "she" yet!

But the comments in this thread are hugely disturbing. Not only did seemingly half of the posters take the opportunity to spout off about the couple rather than about the question at hand, entirely too many seem to think it's OK that this happened.

About 5 years ago, I was at the Meadow Glen Mall in Medford, getting ready to leave. As I was walking out, I heard a commotion - a cat fight. I turned and saw two teenaged girls on the sidwalk, pulling each other's hair and screaming obscenities at each other. After a moment, two women who appeared to be their mothers rushed over. But they didn't intervene. As their daughters went at each other, these two adult women, far older than even me, got nose to nose, started carpet bombing each other with F-Bombs and then began physically fighting themselves.

Sadly, as time has gone on, I've seen too much of this behavior by parents and no longer wonder why kids as young as 6 walk down our street talking about "slapping bitches".

The results of the poll don't surprise me. Those, like myeshia before me, leaving comments to the effect that somehow, this "solution" to an argument is acceptable don't surprise me either.

They do, however, sadden me.

Our daughter will grow up to learn that in order to get respect, you must earn it - and that does NOT involve name calling, verbal or physical abuse but rather, how you comport yourself, your actions and deeds at home, in school and in your community.

I think that we all need to look at how we raise our children. We as parents should be our children's # 1 role model. If children are looking up to Rihanna and Chris Brown for guidance then we need to take a step back and look at ourselves. We are our children's biggest role models. We are supposed to be the ones spending the most time and teaching our children right from wrong. Not the t.v. or celcbrities. Also to cast judgement on a 19 year old boy and a 21 year old girl I think is a bit much. They will have to learn from their own mistakes and lord knows we all need to take a note from that.

I love chris brown and HATE DUMB RIHANNA she should have gotten out of the car she is soo stupid and chris brown might of hurt her but she deserved it

"But she deserved it." Really? How? And you do know that the car was moving at the time, right? -- LMA

the people that are posting comments saying chris is a victim as well is absolutely appalling. did his face look like rihannas after that car ride? in any circumstance there is no way to justify physical or any other kind of abuse on a woman. those statistics are horrendous and our society needs some people to step up and educate our youth on this subject. i watched a video on youtube the other day of two young boys acting out the "car scene" of rihanna and brown. they couldn't have been any older than 9 and that is just an example that our young people think that this is ok. they were laughing and joking around during the video with no idea of how wrong it was. parents need to start taking more responsibilty for there children and talk to them about this topic because when role models teach teens that this is ok, thats what they think. talk to your kids! and for the people who are commenting saying chris is the victim, i dont even have words for you. you need help.

rihanna staying with Chris is part of hte problem. IF she were to walk out and never see him again, that would send a powerful message that he did something wrong. but she goes back. Neither Nick, Nick Jr., Chris Brown, or Rihanna are allowed in our house. The whole episode from Chris beating her, her going back and Nick glorifying and honoring an abuser is disgusting and hte very worste scum bag low life trash behavior ever publically paraded around. If given the choice I'd rather have Micheal Plelps as a roll model for my girls. they'd be less likely to get killed from pot but after having two women, as girls, who I knew be killed by a domestic abuse, I thik this was very very dangerous irresponsible behavior on Rihanna's part. She is a foolish stupid girl.

I can not believe kids these days think its alright to abuse someone!
It's disgraceful!
Another thing: I don't care if someone is raised by a pack of rabid dogs, it's never ok to abuse someone mentally or physically.
Rhianna is not to blame and her going back to him, well, it's common in abusive relationships. Let's hope she gets out alive next time...
Instead of saying hateful things about the abused Rhianna, try reading up on why she went back? Learn about a situation inwhich you thankfully have never been involved in?

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 19, despite the fact that my childhood was not violent, simply because I didn't know the warning signs and had no experience in how to avoid it. I was lucky. I had a supportive family and got out after 9 months. It can happen to anyone, regardless of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, or geography, and if you think that your kids magically know better than to abuse or to put up with being abused, then you are fooling yourselves.

I've been saying for years that society would be better off if we taught relationship hygiene classes to our kids as much as we teach physical and sexual hygiene and health. We can't afford to simply hope that they will learn how to have healthy relationships by osmosis. When I have children, I will be teaching these things to them.