It is _always_ OK when someone else's kid is in danger. (e.g. they are running into the street, they are in a locked car in the heat, etc.). In fact, I would argue that it is a requirement of life to perform this simple social service. We've had situations where we waited by a car with kids in it until the parents returned just to make sure they were OK. We hadn't reached the "we must call the police" stage yet, but would have soon. You may get some annoyed glances, but that is OK. You would want this help if your kids ran into the street.

Where things become iffy is when the parents are around, and you see them use mildly abusive language, slap them, etc. These are things we do not do with our kids, and may certainly scar them for life, but are at the same time, a chosen parenting style. Where this crosses the line into child abuse is a hard call. I imagine you know it when you see it.

Interestingly, there are a number of people who because of their chose professions are required to contact DSS if they see or suspect child abuse--they are mandated reporters. My wife, who is a pediatrician, cannot simply watch when she suspect that there may be child abuse. She is obliged to get help.

Locked in a car or wandering around - I'd wait and watch. Not in a carseat - I'd let that one go.

Wait and watch? Watch the kid die? Or, watch to see if someone comes back? Or, wait by the car for the police to arrive?

I did ask a little one recently whether he knew where his mom was when he was in CVS. He looked at me weirdly. I get it--it's not like I'm wearing a sign that says "harmless, mom of 2", particularly if my kids aren't with me at the moment.

I wouldn't get involved in the car seat thing, either. (In other countries, rear-facing infant seats are still put in the front--I couldn't say anything to my friend! That's just what they do there!)

People do look at you like you are out to hurt a child, especially if you ask them if they are lost. This has happened to me at least a handful of times. I am a young woman, so it kind of astounded me to see someone look at me accusingly. These were also parents who told their children not to talk to strangers, but didn't tell them what to do if they are lost. So, the kids were just wandering around crying. I have a child now, and would more likely say something polite, or just something, to the person talking to my child, wether suspicious or not. So, please weirdo parents who think everyone in out to hurt you, don't be a jerk, most likely someone is trying to help. You wouldn't want me to stop trying to be helpful to someone else because of your lousy reaction.

I like the idea to tell the child to find another woman with children. It seems to be a pretty safe bet.

I've spoken to parents several times about leaving their kids in the car at Dunkin Donuts. One mother went in and waited in line for over 10 minutes without once turning around to glance at her 1 and 2 year olds in the car. I stood by the car, waited and suggested that she start using the drive-thru.

When it comes to safety/danger, I go with my gut and would always intervene. Too many people walk by and don't act.
There was one episode with my own child that made me realize there are people who WOULD act. I was in Walmart and my daughter started throwing a fit. My mother was with me and I had her take my daughter out to the car while I finished paying. She was screaming the whole way and it was one of those embarassing moments where you couldn't get out of there fast enough. When I got to the parking lot I was 'greeted' by a frantic stranger. The woman asked me what my name was and if I had a daughter. Then she asked me what her name was. At that point I came around the corner of the car and my mom and daughter were there, so I answered her. That woman and another woman were standing in line near the door and heard my daughter screaming and yelling "I want my mommy!" Both of these women looked at each other and said 'did you hear her say I want my mommy?' She thought my daughter was being kidnapped from the store and went out to stop it. She was standing at the car and wouldn't let them get in until I arrived. She apologized, but all I could do was THANK her over and over because not many people would have acted on that...and God forbid it was a real situation!

Who goes around looking in other peoples cars?? That's just creepy. And, if a baby was crying in a car, you wouldn't be able to hear it unless a window was down. Cars are pretty much sound proof these days. And since when aren't people allowed to day dream, and block things out, while walking thru a parking lot? Give all those people a break who walked by the "real looking doll". I'm all for helping a child in need, but probably wouldn't notice if one was locked in a car.

Thanks for commenting, jah927. It's worth clicking the link to the ABC News story to read the details. Many people leave the window open an inch or so, thinking that's enough to ventilate the car -- it's not, but it does let the sound out (ABC had a recording of a crying baby going full blast). As for looking in other people's cars... I agree, that seems odd. But it's not at all strange to park your car, get out, shut the door, and notice something about the car parked next to yours. The question isn't "would you notice," but IF you noticed, what would you do? -- LMA

jah927...I watched the program and the people weren't just walking by. Most of them stopped, looked, thought about it and continued on their merry way. That is what is creepy.

Yes, yes, yes -- as Ipod nation becomes more and more the norm, more people are tuning out and fewer people are aware of what's happening around them or paying attention to others, which means there are fewer potential good Samaritans out there. NEVER assume someone else has called 911, and I've learned never to just walk by if something seems off or wrong. God bless the folks who stood by the car filled with kids until the parents came. If you are afraid of making the parents angry, you don't need to say a word -- just stay put until you know the kids (or the old person or the seemingly abandoned pet) is safe. These are the actions that make neighborhoods and communities safe and wonderful places to live, and we all can make a difference.

I called the police to report my neighbor about 5 years ago who would drive around with his two year old son unrestrained in the front seat. The police told me that it was the parent's choice and they could not do anything about it.

I think your approach is just about right. Better to get the glare than see a kid hit by a car. As to the child alone in a car, as long as they are crying, they are alive, so that is the time to call 911. Once they stop, it might be too late.

I find the more difficult issue is when a person is being too harsh with their own child. Intervening could cause it to escalate, yet not intervening feels awful.

“One mother went in and waited in line for over 10 minutes..”

Anyone who waits 10 mins in Dunkin Donuts has other and more serious problems.

An infant left in a car would drive me to call police. There are cases of children as old as 10 to 11 months who were left unattended for 15 minutes in car seats and perished. So, yes. I would stop immediately.

Children who appear older (6 and up)? I would wait. I used to hate going on some errands with my mom and she would often let me wait in the car while she ran in to a store for 20 minutes.

We have several neighbors who do not use car seats for their infants or toddlers and we have called the police, but nothing ever comes of it.

To that end, we'd called the police several times on our old neighbor - and notified DSS - when we realized that she was high on crack all of the time and apparently engaging in what, for all intents and purposes, appeared to be prostitution activities, all while her 8 year old son was home. On more than one occasion, she locked him out of the house with no jacket in the dead of winter; He came to us to help him open cans of food; She constantly screamed at him.

When she finally almost burned us out of house and home, police had no choice but to respond. Fortunately, damage was contained to her apartment and we only had to stay away for a few days until ours was deemed safe again, but what First Responders found in her apartment was appalling. Feces was everywhere. Entryways were blocked by piles of garbage. Hypodermic needles and crack pipes were found strewn across the floor and on the window sill.

DSS took her son that day, right out of school.

Our fears with respect to her child were realized (and vindicated) but our attempts to report our suspicions fell on deaf ears. Numerous phone calls to police, detectives and even DSS went unheeded and often, unanswered. It took an emergency before anything was done.

So, I wonder...for those of us who would do what we consider the right thing and intervene, what do we say when no one that we're reporting to actually cares enough themselves? I can't be too surprised that a baby in a car would be left alone by every day civilians it seems that the authorities themselves have been so laissez faire with respect to children in distress.

If I saw a child locked in a car during a warmer month, I'd wait around for a few minutes. If more than 10 minutes went by or the child looked distressed, I'll happily call the police, then smash the window in and take my chances with the cops arresting me for vandalism (good luck, it was necessary).

If I see a parent CLEARLY abusing a child (not just being physical), I'd say something. If they want to escalate it, especially if it's a man, let them get in my face and risk getting knocked out. Again, I'll take my chances with a jury on that one as well.

You know, I have to ask...why are so many so adamant about males being worse perpetrators than females? If my daughter was lost, I would encourage her to look for a parent with children, not necessarily a woman. Women can be crazy, violent, pedophiles, cruel and useless too.

If I saw anyone beating a child, never mind whether they were male or female, I would call the cops. Our experiences have actually shown us more women than men who neglect or abuse their children...it's altogether too evident in our neighborhood.

My husband gets the funny looks all of the time too - and often a cold shoulder from mothers - even though HE is the primary care giver, the one who goes to the park, to the stores...and the one who would and could render aid or help a lost child. But somehow, we've become a society of mothers who don't want to trust any man with changing a remote control's batteries, never mind sorting out how to assist a lost child or child in need. It's SO tiresome.

Thanks for commenting, Phe. I don't know why it's become that way, and I do wonder how women can gripe about men being bad fathers while, at the same time, assume they can't be trusted with kids. That's just not right. -- LMA

Contact your local RMV office and see if they have cards that can be filled out if you see an unrestrained child in a car. The owner of the card will be notified that SOMEONE is aware that their child is being mistreated...most likely by them. It's amazing that as a civilized society we allow a 16.5 year old to drive a car, but grown adults can be abject morons with regards to child-rearing. Please, watch out for someone other than yourself in this world.

On a visit to NY several years ago, I was reading a book on a bench at the Great Lawn. The lawn is enclosed by an oval walkway where I saw a boy about 5 years old wandering alone and crying for his mother. As a young man, I was frightened to approach the boy and perhaps be accused of something. Instead, I turned to the two women and one gentleman--all late middle-aged--who were seated on the bench beside mine, and I asked them if they had seen any parents with this child. They made it quite obvious they did not want to be bothered.

Not knowing what to do, I followed the child halfway around the lawn until a group of parents approached him and held him there until a police officer passed by. At least 20 people had observed the child and passed him without helping. Because of my own fear I can understand the hesitance among some. Yet, this was a helpless child, and we have an obligation to help children.

For a man, I think the best solution is to stop and observe and guard a child in need unless the situation becomes a real emergency. Isn't that sad?

First of all, I don't understand how as a parent you could forget your child in the car in the first place. Secondly, in this day and age of pedophiles why would you ever leave your child alone in the car while you run into a store, even if it's just for a few minutes? If you don't want the hassle of taking the child in and out of the car seat, then run errands when someone else can stay home with the child or if you need coffee that bad, go to Dunkin Donuts with a drive-thru window. It appals me at how selfish and irresponsible people can be as parents. I never leave my daughter unattended. If I did see a child being hurt or left in a car, I would definitely call 911 and smash the window myself. My husband and I were in Target about a month ago and there was a little girl, about 5 years old that was lost. My husband and I took her over to the customer service desk where the little girl was able to tell the girl her mother's name and she was paged over the intercom. The woman didn't even realize her daughter had been missing, she thought she had left her in the toy department, while she went to look for shoes. Unbelievable!

DSS now is DCF.
Was "Department of Social Services"
Now "Department of Children and Families"

I once went to pick up my 8 year old daughter from a friend's house and was with my wife and 1 year old. My wife went into the house to grab my 8 year old and told me to stay there with the baby. She starting crying because Mommy left and it quickly became bawling, screaming and it sounded horrible. We were on a dead end street with the windows open.

Next thing I know the mail lady is knocking on my window and asking if everything is all right, who was I, what I am doing there. I told her to mind her own damn business. I had busy bodies.

A child in a car, windows up, hot day gets a call to the cops and a broken window. Kids in a car, windows down laughing, I walk on by. big kids running around very young kids, yup, I step in,, SLOW IT DOWN NOW!!!! kid lost in a store, about to run out the door, yup, I step in. Abuse?? I am a mandated reporter, If I see a parent smack a kid because they deservied it, kudos to the parent, dont take crap from your kid. but if the parent is just beating the kid I will step in. I know the difference between corrective action and corp punnishment.

Last summer I ran into the grocery store for milk and left my dog in the car running with the AC on. It was really hot out so I locked the car doors because I had a spare key and kept the AC blasting. (my dog jumps out if i simply leave the windows open). I came outside 10 minutes later and the cops were there! A concerned citizen thought my dog was in a hot car roasting and flagged a police officer nearby. SO needless to say, I leave my dog at home now on hot days if I know I have errands to do. But I was thankful the stranger showed concern. As for children...I think any child left alone in the car...hot out or not, raises a red flag. I thought everyone knew that golden rule....just because you are going to be fast in the store doesn't mean it is ok to leave your child in the car alone. I am baffled that people still do this...and I would intervene at any point in time if I thought that child was being harmed...emotionally or physically...no matter what the situation. I guess it's a judgment call.

This is not about a child in a dangerous situation but a Mom who was probably at her wits end. I was in the local Petsmart and I had seen this Mom with her 3-4 year old very active boy. As my daughter and I walked around we could hear the mother calling for the boy. All of a sudden he come barreling at top speed toward the aisle we were leaving and I can see his Mom chasing him from a ways away. I reached out and grabbed his arm and held him there until she got there. He fell down in the process and I apologized for knocking him over but she was more than glad that I had caught him. Sometimes it does take a village!

I once heard a story about a car, locked at a horse race (or some other outdoor sporting event) with a dog inside. It was hot outside. Over the loudspeaker, there was an announcement: "Would the owner of a white station wagon, license plate ABC 123 please report to the parking lot to attend your dog?" Then a few minutes later, "Would the owner of a white station wagon, license plate ABC 123 please report to the parking lot? Your dog needs attention." Then, later: "To the owner of the white station wagon, license plate ABC 123, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your dog is fine. The bad news is that you need a new window." I only hope I can be so brave if the time comes!

This is an interesting issue. I fairly young (30), but I do feel a "change." My parents were always quick to act in a protective manner, but I am more hesitant, less confident of the reception. I will sort of put my body between a child and a roadway, open door, etc., and look around for a parent. This has always yielded an appreciative look or thanks. I have called the police for a dog locked in a car in the summer.

"I've taught my own kids to look for another mom with kids"
Really bad advice. Women can be molesters and kidnappers too you know.

"I thought I saw your mom going out to your car. Let's go out and see if we can find her." And before you know it your chikd is bundled n to a strangers car and gone.

You should teach your child to stand where they are, throw back their heads and scream at the top of their lungs until you come for them.

I appreciate your point of view, Mom of twins -- thanks. I think different approaches will work for different people in different situations. I've seen plenty of kids screaming at the top of their lungs in public; it can look like a tantrum, and many people ignore it. But I'm sure it works for some. I've also heard some people suggest that the child find a wall or another spot where they won't get jostled by a moving crowd and wait there; some say it's easier to see a kid standing like that than in a crowd. Anyone else have any ideas on what to teach kids to do if they think they're lost? -- LMA

I've taught my kids that if they get lost, stay exactly where you are (as long as it's not the middle of the street...) until i come find you. Don't feel like you have to wander further to find me. I will find you. Don't leave with another adult. And that adults should never ask advice or directions from children.

My sister was a family court judge, so she'd seen a few too many things. She teaches her children a secret code word that anyone who would come to pick them up who is not in the family must say. If they don't know the secret family word, ont' leave with them....

I think people are too quick to mistrust and blame parents, no questions asked. We are constantly required to make split second judgment calls in impossible situations, with our attention divided. The worst is when multiple children run off in separate directions while you are trying to pick out that one thing you desperately needed to buy, or are waiting for the child lingering in the bathroom. Yes, sometimes it is the right thing for a stranger to step in - but the good samaritan should approach with the attitude of being a supportive ally to a parent who needs help, rather than faulting the parent. Calling 911 on a parent is an extreme act of hostility that should be undertaken only when warranted by extreme circumstances.

If you're interested in discovering your parenting style based on the latest research, please check out the Parenting Style Application by Signal Patterns on Parenting.com.

The underlying model developed by our team of psychologists reveals an underlying complexity far richer than just 'strict' or 'relaxed' classifications.

And what's particularly interesting is that you can take the test for a spouse and see where potential conflicts might lie and get advice on how to deal w/them. You can also compare results to your friends'.

My mom always taught me in a store to go to the front customer service desk or ask someone with a name tag for help. I did this with the kids I Nanny for.

Some parents need to chill out on all the protect their child stuff. I brought my nephew to the childrens museum. I am a 23 year old male, and i swear if you try to help a child it's like crazy mom time. I was walking with my nephew when i saw a kid struggling to get out of the jungle gym in the center of the museum. So i walked over and tried to help him get untangeled. Next thing you know nutty mom is ripping her kid out of the jungle gym and staring me down like i was wearing a clown suit, with candy in my hand, outside of my black van. What I've come to discover is that it's not my job to help your kid and most people don't appreciate anyways. So to all the nutty moms relax. Some people genuinly care and are just trying to help.

If I saw a kid who looked in danger (from heat, etc) I'd smash the window and rescue the kid while calling 911.

Otherwise, it depends on the situation. At a mall parking lot I'd probably call 911. But at a Dunkin Donuts, I'd just ignore. I won't leave my daughter in the car unless she's continuously in my sight (such as checking the P.O. box). If I'm going inside, for instance, Dunkin Donuts, then I bring her with me.

And I've driven with friends who are pretty lax, one time she nursed her son as we drove down the highway. I was kind of wondering whether I'd get a ticket, or if the parent would get the ticket, if we were seen by a cop.

When I see kids not buckled in, sometimes I'm shocked only because we're so brainwashed nowadays, but when I was a kid, I wasn't buckled in. So I don't even care when kids aren't buckled in and I'd never report it. There are too many rats out there, especially holier-than-thous who are anti-spanking and bring the hellfire of child protection thugs onto innocent parents. Personally I don't spank, but then my daughter bursts into tears and collapses onto the floor whenever she's scolded. She'd probably have a heart attack if she was actually physically disciplined.

I've called 911 when I found an adult passed out on the side of the street. I've offered tissues when I noticed an adult or teen sniffling a lot with no tissues. I've helped other adults get strollers and suitcases on and off the bus. Children are people too, so why not help them too? A couple of times I've heard a child crying and sounding really upset (as opposed to crying and just making noise) and gone over to ask the adult (who was trying to comfort, not beat up, the child) if I could help, just in case. They didn't gtet all "MYOB!!! This is part of my culture!!!" and instead said "Thanks, but we're all set." C'mon everyone, you can give people the benefit of the doubt *and* step forward when you're concerned.

There is another option besides having your child look for a mother or father with kids. I was at the New Enland Aquarium on a crowded vacation day. My son with specials needs got separated from me. When I realized he was gone, it was like salmon swimming upstream to go the opposite direction around the giant tank. Meanwhile, he had been taught to look for a member of the staff in an official shirt. When I heard my name called over the loud speaker, I was relieved and extremely proud of my son for remembering what to do.

Several years ago I got out of my car in a Toys-R-Us parking lot and there were infant twins in carseats alone in the car I parked next to. It was not hot, so I wasn't concerned about that aspect of it, but was still concerned enough that I waited by the car until the father came out of the store. I didn't have a cell with me at the time, but if I had, I would have called the police, because I waited there for over 10 minutes. I confronted the father when he came out, and he **colorfully** told me to mind my own business, they were his F***ing kids and he could do whatever the F*** he wanted with them and maybe I should try dealing with F***ing twins and see how I handled it. I wish I had a cell with me or had gone into the store to call the police, because this guy was clearly losing it. I just hope that my confronting him at least made think before he did it the next time . . .

"I confronted the father when he came out, and he **colorfully** told me to mind my own business, they were his F***ing kids and he could do whatever the F*** he wanted with them and maybe I should try dealing with F***ing twins and see how I handled it."

Now I wonder if he was F***ing them at home. :(

Please visit our website at www.KidsAndCars.org. Our organization works to prevent the deaths and injuries of children in and around motor vehicles. The Washington Post published a wonderful article about the dangers that children face in and around vehicles. The title of the article is "Fatal Distraction"

#34, This is an example of parents being judged for making the best decisions they can under impossible circumstances, and his colorful response is just about how anyone would respond to being confronted with hostility like that. If you had simply said to him that you were concerned and waited for his children, that might have been taken as a caring gesture and been met with appreciation. As this whole incident took place at Toys R Us he was not inside pampering himself - he was probably buying formula and diapers out of immediate necessity. And he may not have been in control of what detained him inside the store. Have you ever tried to run a "quick" errand with two infants in your care? Leaving them in the car may well have been the safer,m most reasonable option at the time. The only risk being nosy people like you interfering.

Roberta - Your joking, right? Leaving two infants in a car alone for 10 minutes at the toy store is NEVER OK. PERIOD!! It doesn't matter if he is buying food for his babies or stopping for a beer or feeding homeless people. It is not the motive that should be judged, just the action. He is truly lucky that the police didn't come and arrest him, which is what they should have done for such blatant child endangerment. Wow! I thought I'd heard it all.

However, his hostility is proof that from now on my first response to such incidents will be just to call the cops.

"#34, This is an example of parents being judged for making the best decisions they can under impossible circumstances, and his colorful response is just about how anyone would respond to being confronted with hostility like that."

That "colorful response," "he could do whatever the F*** he wanted with them" also describes what Fritzl in Austra thought he could do to his daughter (and then to the children he had by raping her).