Fearing the worst, I held my breath as I walked down the stairs toward the backyard at the Liberty Hotel last Wednesday night. This was the hotel’s first installment of a new weekly party called Yappy Hour where the dress code states “Canines come dressed to impress.’’ I had visions of dog owners and their pets in matching cheetah-print Juicy Couture track suits, with the poor dogs looking miserable in their ridiculous duds while their owners got sloppy drunk on Grape Escape cocktails.
I’m happy to report that instead the scene consisted of owners enjoying a drink while their dogs frolicked au natural. I have always understood the need for short-haired dogs to wear coats or sweaters in chilly weather, but I’m usually ready to speed-dial the MSPCA when I see a dog forced to wear a tacky outfit - or worse, an ensemble that matches its owner’s clothing. Can you cite poor taste as grounds for animal cruelty?
“Whether or not dogs like to be dressed up depends on the dog,’’ says Debrah Schnackenberg, vice president of the Animal Protection Division for the American Humane Association. “While the American Humane Association does not encourage dressing dogs, as long as it doesn’t pose any safety risk and the dog seems to enjoy wearing the latest fashions, there’s no harm in dressing your pet.’’
In researching this column, I heard from several dog owners who insist that their dogs love getting dressed up. Of course, they failed to mention that they load the dog up with treats and smother the dog with attention when it wears rhinestone necklaces and little pleather jackets. Heck, I might even wear a pleather jacket if it meant getting treats and attention.
I also heard from dog owners who said their dogs hate wearing clothes, and refuse to get near ridiculous sweaters and hats. Blogger and dog lover Lisa Hanock-Jasie recalled the year her Belgian shepherd/chow mix Hugo was so distraught during a Halloween costume contest at Petco that he threw up in the middle of the competition and is now a confirmed nudist.
“I’ve interviewed dogs about clothing, and most do not like clothes,’’ pet psychic Bridget Pilloud told me. “They think clothes are silly, and that they cause people to see them as cute instead of seeing their true nature.’’
Now, I’m no pet psychic - heck, I’m not even an intuitive animal communicator - but I can still tell that some dogs would rather take a long bubble bath than be paraded about in an Ed Hardy doggie T-shirt. I attended a dog fashion show earlier this month where a chocolate Lab was forced to dress up like a former first lady, but the poor thing ended up looking more like Little Edie Beale from “Grey Gardens’’ instead. The dog’s face was sending a clear message: “The person responsible for this humiliation is going to be cleaning a mess off of the carpet tomorrow morning.’’
Dr. E’lise Christensen, a Manhattan veterinarian, told me she doesn’t see any harm in dressing dogs, and added that if dogs associate getting dressed with going for a walk, they may be more willing to wear whatever silly outfit is sent their way.
“There haven’t been any studies done on this, but I think the one possible issue with dressing dogs is that it may interfere with their ability to communicate with other dogs. If a dog is wearing a jacket, other dogs won’t see its muscles tense up or the hair on its back stand up. These are very subtle signals, but they’re important to dogs. A dog wearing clothes could be targeted by other dogs.’’
Indeed, they could also be targeted with taunts from other dogs for wearing cheap designer knock-offs. As you can tell, I’m in favor of letting the poor dogs go naked.
“I tell people ‘If you see a dog wearing clothes, and it isn’t writhing on the ground trying to get the clothes off, it probably likes wearing the clothes, so mind your own business and don’t assume the dog is being tortured’,’’ said doggie clothing designer Donna Angevine, who has created outfits for Rachael Ray’s beloved Isaboo.
Despite my love of fashion, kitsch, and animals, I’ll staunchly stand by the position that dogs should be spared unnecessary fashion. Save those embarrassing outfits for your kids; at least they can tell their therapist about it when they’re older. Your dog can only communicate by making a mess on the carpet.
Christopher Muther can be reached at muther@globe.com. 
