As I absentmindedly reached for another slice of pizza, a friend sitting next to me gave me the side-eye and issued a stern warning: “You’d better be careful there, smiley. You may be wearing black, but it’s not very slimming on you.’’
After feigning indignation and volleying a few insults back his way - what are friends for? - he then said the words that I didn’t want to hear.
“Ever since you got all happy, you’ve been packing on the pounds.’’
As much as I blustered and huffed, I knew he was right. For the past year I’ve been dating a wonderful person. But as my happiness has escalated, my interest in going to the gym, playing tennis, or riding my bike has dropped off dramatically. Adding further junk to the proverbial trunk, my new dating life orbits around large breakfasts, indulgent dinners, and tubs of movie popcorn. You don’t need to study Bridget Jones’s diary to see where this is going. When one of my co-workers asked (rather loudly) “What’s going on with your eating habits?,’’ I began seeing visions of a Kevin Federline-size version of myself wandering the streets of Boston in an ill-fitting golf shirt.
The formula, however, seems backward. I was always under the impression that we party with our good friends Sara Lee, Col. Sanders, and Orville Redenbacher when we’re unhappy. Even the experts I chatted with were more than ready to talk about how people use food to help get through the rough patches. There seems to be no logical explanation behind the idea of packing on weight while blissfully happy.
“You know what it is? We love to eat, so we’ll do it under any situation,’’ says half-joking Boston University nutrition expert Joan Salge Blake. “Oftentimes when you’re happy and in a relationship, that relationship revolves around going out to eat.’’
Guilty as charged, Joan. Socializing at nightclubs doesn’t help either. Is there a bartender out there who can invent a zero-calorie mojito? Please?
At least I know that I’m not alone in the phenomenon. A study last year at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that newlyweds put on more weight than their single counterparts. Married male newlyweds gain six more pounds than gents who stayed single. And single ladies may want their men to put a ring on it, but once they get the ring, they gain nine more pounds over five years compared to those who are still on the market.
“Whether you realize it or not, you are telling yourself ‘No need to workout like crazy, he already likes me.’ We become more complacent,’’ says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo. “Did you notice that you also don’t feel the need to clean your place as much? Perhaps you are more comfortable with other behaviors, like belching?’’
Thankfully, there is no belching on my part, but there is a complacency that accompanies happiness. People who are off the market think there is less need for upkeep. What better way to celebrate a happy relationship than a reward? Unfortunately, we have been trained over the years to reward ourselves with food, says Kelly McGonigal, a health educator and PhD at Stanford University.
“If you celebrate your good mood with high-fat foods, recent research suggests that the brain gets tricked by the fat molecules into ignoring signals of fullness, so you keep eating,’’ McGonigal says.
“When we reward ourselves, we go shopping, or we eat,’’ says Karen Koenig, author of “Nice Girls Finish Fat.’’ “We don’t just feel proud. Whatever happened to just feeling proud?’’
There is another reason people eat when they’re in a happy relationship, and that has to do with a fear of intimacy. Lexington therapist Robyn Vogel says people use food issues to create distance and to avoid getting physically close with their partners. I’m fairly certain that my recent problem has more to do with full-on laziness and frequent flirtatious exchanges with Twinkie the Kid rather than avoidance.
Although it’s tempting, McGonigal warns me that my ticket back to Skinnyville is not making myself miserable. In fact, she explains that stress, fear, and depression are triggers for eating even more. Her suggestion is to change my dating behaviors. So apologies Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines, but based on professional advice, it looks like I need to cancel our date for tonight.
Christopher Muther can be reached at the 
