Why so many fashion mistakes?
Every day, or so it seems, you read about another recall: office chairs with bolts that can loosen and cause cubicle workers to tumble, single-meter sockets that can short out and cause burns, and, of course, cars. Millions and millions of cars.
What I want to know is this: Why no fashion recalls?
If the consumer protection folks think a garment can’t leave a scar, well, they’ve never made what is known as a fashion mistake. The stilettos that seemed walkable in the store (ha!). The wrap dress bought under the delusion that Spanx would take care of a bulging tummy. The yellow top - purchased because it’s sunny and bright - that turns its owner’s face sallow.
Such mistakes are painful to discuss, particularly during a recession. But the celebrated writers Nora and Delia Ephron recently brought the issue out of the closet. In an interview with New York magazine about their new off-Broadway show, “Love, Loss, and What I Wore,’’ Nora reported that her sister Delia has a “brilliant’’ theory: “One out of every three things you buy is a mistake.’’ Globe interviews with real women - and with real woman Delia Ephron - made clear that though each mistake is different in its own horrible way, categories do emerge.
There’s the mistake you know you’re making but, like a doubting bride at the altar, feel powerless to stop. I bought an adorable ruffled blouse that I knew was too young for me, and so palpable were my misgivings that as I was handing over my credit card, the boutique owner said quite definitely: “Returns are for merchandise credit only.’’ Two years later, I still haven’t worn the top, but neither have I given it away. I’m not ready to admit defeat.
Other mistakes reveal their folly only later. Away from the saleswoman’s spin and after you’ve removed the tag and lost the receipt your purchase turns on you. Only then does the sweater that gave off a “festive’’ vibe reveal itself to be, in fact, loony.
“I looked like a clown,’’ Jenny Clancy, a disappointed Anthropologie shopper told me.
Often the shopper discovers the mistake by looking in her own mirror, but sometimes the garment is a time bomb set to detonate in public. That happened to fitness guru Zayna Gold. “I bought a winter white Juicy Couture coat,’’ she explained. “When people told me it was like a marshmallow I thought it was a compliment to the beautiful color. I didn’t realize they meant it made me look like a marshmallow.’’
She wore it to a hair salon. “When I took my coat off the stylist, who had never met me before, said, ‘Oh my god, you looked huge in that coat. And you have such a great body. What a shame.’ ’’
The Ephrons told New York magazine that the biggest clothing mistakes always involve colors and prints, but lots of other purchases are turncoats, too. When I got Delia on the phone, she said she once bought an entire car that was a mistake. “I knew it the minute I drove out of the lot.’’
Lucky for her, the pumpkin-colored Fiat was totaled in an accident that left her uninjured. Now if only her Miu Miu jacket would meet a similar fate. It’s a beautiful blue, but boxy. “Every time I put it on I feel like a big garbage bag,’’ she said.
How does clothing get us in its grip? Sales are a big culprit, says Kit Yarrow, a consumer psychologist at Golden Gate University, and co-author of “Gen BuY: How Tweens, Teens and Twenty-Somethings Are Revolutionizing Retail.’’ “People get so fixated on price they forget if they even want it.’’
As in other areas of life, fantasizing can also lead down a dangerous path. “Once your imagination becomes more powerful than reality, you’re in trouble,’’ Yarrow said. “If you’re hearing a soundtrack when you’re looking in the mirror, or imagining yourself in a scenario, that’s a bad sign. People start imagining a lifestyle they do not have.’’
Then there’s the Michelle Obama problem. More than one woman admits she’s bought something inspired by the first lady - the pale olive gloves she wore on Inauguration Day, a wide belt or floral pin - only to get it home and realize that, unlike Michelle Obama, she isn’t a 6-foot beauty with a fantastic body.
My Michelle mistake was a gold skirt from J. Crew. “This is what she wore on Jay Leno,’’ the saleswoman said. I couldn’t get out my credit card fast enough. I’ve never worn it, but who knows. If I get the call from Letterman to sit on the chair and talk to my fellow Americans, I’ll be all set.
