Oh, the horror

Warning: If you have a heart condition, are prone to seizures, or are simply intolerant of tacky fashion, I suggest you stop reading, step away from the computer, and pop in some "Sex and the City" DVDs until the nausea subsides.

Sorry to do this to you, but honestly, sooner or later you'd be exposed to this:

No. Please, no. Stylephile's sheer hatred of these atrocious shoes is well documented (Here. Or here.) Somehow, I learned to live with kids and outdoorsy types wearing them — accepting things I can't change, and all that jazz. But high-heel crocs? Sadly, I foresee these plastic travesties clip-clopping their way onto Long Island beaches this summer. Gross.