Unless your parents were killed in a freak pants factory accident and you're protesting any sort of leg covering — highly unlikely, Katy Perry, considering Wikipedia tells me your mom and dad are alive and well — you need to lay off the rompers and Daisy Dukes. For real. Granny panties are NOT pants:
I don't care that you're a bona fide PYT. You had no business wearing sateen crotch stranglers to the MTV Video Music Awards last night. With feathers! With a star-spangled halter top and a red, white, and blue-bedazzled clutch! Even Miley Cyrus can't keep her cookies down.
(Side note: "I Kissed a Girl" is clearly ripped from Jill Sobule's notebook. And your hair/makeup is a carbon copy of Zooey Deschanel's. It really, really annoys me that I sometimes mix up the two of you because Zooey, the hip priestess of all that is cool and fashionable, would never wear this monstrosity. I get cranky. Going pants-less is not a sign of originality. You're going to have to try something else, um kay?)
I'm all about finding a look that works and sticking with it as a reliable fall back when the oncoming trends become too overwhelming. But you need a friend, stylist, or heck, divine intervention to tell you that outfits like these are total no-nos:
I know, right? We can't believe it either. I was hoping — for your sake — that Diddy threw a fruit salad-themed party in the Hamptons. But, no. You freely wore this juvenile jumper to perform on NBC's "Today." You are covered in seeds, for goodness sake. And it's not doing anything for your svelte figure. Why put your tush through such torture?
I strongly suspect you wear shorty-shorts to the grocery store. Even your promo photo (below) features barely-there butt cover. Clearly, you've set your style agenda (vomit) from day one:
It's not 1945, and as far as we know, bathing costumes aren't required at the public pool nowadays. The good news? You've set such low expectations and standards, you can only wow us from now on. I don't care if your pastor parents are disappointed in you and I'm certainly not here to discuss the merits of your vocal talent. I just want you to feel our — the pants-wearing public's — pain to see you like this. Invest in some designer jean trousers. Or start small with a skirt. Your nether regions will surely thank us.