Less than a year and a half. That's how long the spoilsports at the Massachusetts Public Health Council have given us to enjoy ourselves. Starting Nov. 1, 2010, restaurant chains with more than 20 outlets in the state must prominently post the calorie counts for all their offerings. The move is aimed at fighting obesity. But if we've learned anything from the 1990 Food and Drug Administration rule requiring almost all packaged foods to carry extensive nutritional information, it's that America can't blame its weight problem on a lack of data. Darn.
Still, Massachusetts' new in-your-face rule will have some effect: an uptick in that most beloved of all dieting sports - rationalizing. It takes a clever "dieter" to figure out how to make calories vanish, or to feign ignorance while surrounded by large menu boards blaring the bad news. How good are you at cooking your own diet books? Test your aptitude with this tongue-in-cheek "quiz."
1. If a slice of cake has 350 calories and you eat the whole thing, sliver by tiny sliver, how many calories have you consumed? a) 350.
b) If you didn't eat all the frosting and left a lot of crumbs, including large ones, 0.
c) It depends on whether there was a witness, and whether the slice's existence was known to anyone but you.
2. You've just flown from London to New York. Your flight left at 9:30 a.m. and arrived at noon local time. You ate lunch and an ample snack on the trip. When you arrive in New York, you eat lunch again, and dinner that evening. What happens to those extra lunch calories?
a) They disappear over the Atlantic, absorbed by passing time zones.
b) They're a duty-free bonus in recognition of a long day during which you burned extra calories, even though you were sitting the whole time.
c) This is why it's not a good idea to travel internationally. Better you should have gone to the Cape.
3. You've always enjoyed the barbecued chicken on a farmhouse roll at the fast food place around the corner from your office. You sensed it was fattening but, lacking hard numbers, continued to buy it for lunch daily. When the chain is forced to post calorie counts, and you come face to face with the sandwich's 790 calories, you will: a) Switch to salad.
b) Continue ordering the sandwich, but add a side salad that you imagine will lower the calorie count.
c) Under the theory that what you don't know can't hurt you or your thighs, begin patronizing a smaller place that isn't required to post nutritional information.
4. A colleague keeps a candy dish on her desk. Because you're on a strict diet, you don't allow yourself treats from the vending machine. You do, however, regularly help yourself to your co-worker's goodies, often finding a reason to chat her up just so you can snag a fistful of M&Ms or jelly beans. Do these calories count? a) No, they're "social calories," and, like a social drink or cigarette, are in no way bad for you.
b) No, the exercise you get darting to her dish when she goes to the bathroom burns more than you're consuming.
c) No, because others are also indulging, and their collective calories cancel out yours.
5. You were abstemious all day, but at dinner, in addition to an entree, you allowed yourself large servings of whole-wheat bread and olive oil, an entire avocado, and, for dessert, a slice of flourless dark chocolate cake. Did you overeat? a) Are you kidding? Between the anti-inflammatory properties in the olive oil, the fiber in the bread, and the antioxidants in the avocado and the cake, it was practically like taking vitamins.
6. You had a stressful day at work, made worse by an unpleasant texting exchange with your teenager and a call from the realtor telling you the couple who seemed interested decided not to make an offer after all. On the way home, you stop at a convenience store and get a half-gallon of ice cream, which you eat sitting in your car. Why don't those calories count? a) Everyone knows therapeutic eating is a freebie under the "I deserve it" exemption.
b) If you'd waited until you got home to start your emotional eating, you would have wolfed down a lot more. That half-gallon warded off an even bigger binge.
c) It's better than drinking alcohol (which is also high in calories, and without the calcium).
7. Given your body size and the amount of exercise you get, you should consume 1,800 calories per day. But it's only 2 p.m. and you're already at 2,000, and counting. The wise thing to do is: a) Act like a retailer and "mark down" those calories. That slice of pizza? Normally it's 400 calories, but for you, 250.
b) Act like a corporation and declare the start of a new "calorie day" - it's the diet equivalent of a "fiscal year" and puts you in charge!
c) Act like an American and eat on credit. Use tomorrow's calories today, and don't worry about a thing. What's the worst that could happen?
