First visit to Sonic

New England's first Sonic: It's open, in Peabody. Now all those ads will make sense.

It was the grand opening yesterday, and people wanted in. There were long lines. Loooong lines. All day, lines of cars idled. The environment whimpered. Route 1 commuters cried; the traffic on approach was execrable.

Questions about human nature: Why are people willing to spend hours of their lives waiting to be the first people to eat at a fast food chain? And why will people idling in a queue of cars always -- always -- pull up to block an intersection even though this gets them no closer to their end goal?

Just when it seemed nothing would ever happen and our quest was futile, like an angel she soared into sight: an angel on skates!

She handed out menus. This helped with our impatience, but looking at them made us hungrier. Sonic is right next to a Wendy's. My companion finally gave in and ran over to get a pre-fast food snack of chicken nuggets. What I learned on my trip to Sonic: Wendy's chicken nuggets are pretty tasty!

Watching other people wait...

Finally in. Ain't that America. Eating fast food in our cars, parked in a line. This is Sonic's shtick. This and staff on roller skates. (Or roller blades.) You park, push a button, and place your order as you would at the window of a drive-through.

The kids on skates are pretty adorable. And that orange Mustang very covetable. What decade are we in?

A more contemporary view.

The condiment guy.

Where did all these kids learn to skate? They're really good at it.

Sonic on the inside: employees only. (Yes, there's a bathroom, off to the side.)

De rigueur footwear.

Every order comes with mints.

Jalapeno cheeseburger, vanilla Dr. Pepper, vanilla shake. Plain vanilla isn't plain when it's in your Dr. Pepper. At Sonic, you can add all kinds of flavorings to your soda. Plain vanilla is plain, however, when it's in a shake: Other options include pineapple, banana, peanut butter, and malts. But the heart wants what it wants.

Sonic tots. We got them unadorned, but you can add cheese or chili and cheese. Greasy!

The reason we went toppingless on the tots: Sonic's Frito chili cheese pie.

This could have been awesome, but texturally and temperature-wise, it seemed as though it had been nuked too long, then left to get cold.

A bacon cheeseburger on Texas toast! Sounds like a good idea. Looks so much better on the menu than in real life.

Note how thin the patty is.

Was this dry, tan sphere ever a cow? Poor cow.

Ahh, vanilla Dr. Pepper. As promised by every Sonic veteran I asked, the drive-in's best offering is its ice: tiny little chunks perfect for crunching.

Total caloric impact of meal: youdon'twannaknow. (See here.) What is the culpability of fast food emporia when it comes to the obesity epidemic? It can be hard not to wince watching the crowds gobble. It can be hard not to wince watching yourself. Text from companion many hours later: "I still have no interest in touching food." Likewise. I ate watermelon for dinner.

Conclusion: If I were near a Sonic, I might get a drink or a shake. I might take kids for the fun of eating in (or on) the car and being served by people on roller skates. But it's not worth a special trip, never mind a 3 1/2 hour expedition. Now, when New England gets its first In-N-Out Burger, that will be a different story.