Dear Boston: Actually, it is you.

The food was poor, the service worse, the atmosphere ok. I had better meals in a box that came with a toy inside.

Todd is a deadbeat. Let him go! Boston doesn't need another non-tax paying loser who's businesses keep burning down.

I heart Figs.

Sure you're busy Todd, those home shopping promos don't just film themselves...

Both sides of this "break up" are stupid.

Dear Todd,

I have eatten in your place, they stink. Over priced sub par food every time. Who is mad any of your places are gone? Ego much?

Get Lost,

Boston.

P.s Oh New York will eat you alive, ha ha ha

His food was awful, the service was substandard and he himself is a complete jerk...Put him in the oven, not in front of it...

My professional athlete isn't being faithful to me while he's on the road? Wait--were we talking about restaurants? Now I'm distracted. I need to go find some charcuterie to complain about.

What a douche!! Creepy

To his point. My guess is Todd probably still smokes crack.

I love this - hysterical and all true.

I admit I did love Olives back when it was where the first Figs went. However, I came to actively avoid any English place when I learned that they purposefully left the music on loud at Figs to ensure rapid table turnover. He was a great chef, but he is all about revenue now.

My friend and I got food poisoning at Figs on Charles street. I will never go to a Todd English restaurant again.

This is the same letter he sent his ex-wife. Nice!

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I think I'm going to be sick. I never ate at any of his restaurants because of the bad publicity surrounding Olives. Todd is too full of himself. New York can have you.

This reads a bit like a hoax, but if true, I think it is odd that a guy who couldn't stay married to his first wife has these metaphors running through his letter: "Who could withstand the charms of this dark-haired Casanova," "Do you think pro athletes are faithful to their wives on the road," " I've got baby mamas all over the country," "You want to keep me in the kitchen, tied to a stove, barefoot," and, of course, "But maybe we can still hook up sometimes?" Plus the analogy to Charlie Sheen, who certainly has had a history of treating women badly. It is so over the top it makes it hard to believe this was really written by him, but, if so, I feel kind of sorry for him.

What a pompous a_ _ . Who care if you go to NY let them have your. You and your food stink

I have never eaten at one of this guy's restaurants, don't know who he is really (I've heard his name before, but have no clue why he's a "celebrity"), but have to say- he comes across as a DB of epic proportions here.

What a tool.

It is indeed a joke, not written by the real Todd English.

Todd English back - PLEASE!!!... His restaurants/ food is overpriced, service is horrible and food just STINKS!!!... WHO wants him back - definitely not I nor the others that are commenting... LEAVE US AND DON'T COME BACK TODD!!!...

After watching your shows, you have convinced me that I am better off staying home and making it yourself.

You are like the magician who describes all their tricks in detail on TV and then wonders why noone attends your live performances.

Todd is absolutely right! Given that the restaurant business is one of the most difficult, especially because of evolving tastes of customers, he has to attempt to keep ahead of the game by experimenting. Maybe not all of his endeavors were successful, but would it have been better if he had stayed with the same stale look and dishes for eternity?

I think the first salvo fired by The City of Boston was just plain unneccessary. Way to show gratitude. The criticism could have been communicated more constructively, and much more maturely.

I think it's pretty clear that this is a parody of an imagined Todd English reply. I don't think the Globe meant to fool you--it's an Onion-style "article."

You guys know that Todd English didn't actually write this, right?

(psst... it's supposed to be a joke!)

"It is indeed a joke, not written by the real Todd English."

Devra - can you elaborate on your quote? Sounds like a defamation suit waiting to happen.....

Todd English = overprice actor... for a real local celebrity chef - go check out Ming Tsai's Blue Ginger... sure - it is overpriced.. but at least he still cooks instead of acting and opening more chain restaurants for English's Corporate group..

"Todd English" is in quotation marks.

Oh, so true. The inferiority complex is so palpable you can taste it. Boston is like the little brother who envies, loves and hates his bigger brother, New York

Well ..... Devra First comes out and claims it was a joke (Not written by the egomaniac himself). It's easy knowing his ego as we do here in Boston , where this could well have been his real response But if anyone should know about it's authenticity it would be Devra I suppose

Parody is apparently lost on the morons of Boston.

Globe, anytime newspapers, websites or media outlets of any kind try to joke around with readers it always backfires ... especially if the entire site or pub is not dedicated to satire. When will you learn? This "letter" was a bad idea from the start. While the criticisms of Boston and its head-case citizens are somewhat apropos, this is just ridiculous, ego-pandering BS. FAIL!

Well, by the looks of the first 20 comments, it doesn't look like people took it as a joke. I admit that even I was 'had'.

My advice - get yourself a lawyer, because once TE gets a hold of this, it's on like donkey kong.

Clever reply. Some truths about evolution of "self". However, English does support the rumor that he might be a 14-carat narcissist...and, that he is someone "we" can do quite nicely without.

Here's a story: I once sat at the bar at a tiny, very well-respected NYC restaurant with about four tables where it can be hard to get a reservation. In comes English and sits at the bar. As a former Bostonian, I noticed. Immediately he gets on the phone, and in a phony way that was unmistakably intended for the staff to hear, says in a louder-than-usual voice, "Hi, it's Todd...TODD ENGLISH..." Then when the staff came over, he got them to give him the reservation of a couple who had just shown up, and a girl who looked one step above hooker joined him at their now-private table to suck face. Lovely guy, clearly. My wife and I still make fun of him for that. No, it's Todd...TODD ENGLISH.

Ah - I'm not a stooge, but given that I saw NO disclaimer from the Globe indicating that this was a hypothetical response, I assumed it was real, quotation marks or not. I agree with ufogulp about the defamation suit. I wasn't feeling very good about the thousands of dollars I've dropped at Olives after reading this.

Kingfish Hall was the epitomy of overpriced and overrated (because of Todd English's name). Boston shouldn't apologize for having standards, and seeing past the fact that the restaurant was "sponsored" by a high profile chef. I know i can't speak for everyone, but i've yet to hear anyone say "I wish Kingfish Hall was still around"

Olives was GREAT, the short ribs were the best in the area. Figs is a great place to get a handmade pizza. I agreed with him for the most part until he went Charlie Sheen....Todd, don't be full of yourself

Todd,

You had to leave for New York. You weren't paying your rent or your taxes... you had no other option. Please take your sub-par cooking and lack of business skills to New York... everyone deserves to share the love!

Wishing you all the best!!

-G

If Todd English broke up with Boston, Boston would become the ex wife........ Much better off!!!! lol

Both pieces were genius and hilarious. Chef English, you are right. We have issues here, but come back to us when you can...

To bump a previous comment, and for everyone's edification...this is not actually written by Todd English...

That was AMAZING. Thank you.

He should have remembered the best thing about Boston, we will always have someone's back if they are good to the public. He just lost any chance of being respected or helped in this city.

Good luck in NY.

Wow, do this many people not understand that this is meant as satire? No wonder he split.

What a good sport! Cute response.

I've been a frequest customer at Olive's in the past, but after reading this, I'll never go back!

Get out of town, Todd!

Ha! People are still expressing their rage at this 'article'

This is a riot. Lighten up.

Kingfish was great! I has lots of meals there.

Loved Olives....With expansion can come mediocrity..The guy wasn't paying his bills...

Good luck in NYC and Vegas...Lot's of great places to eat in Boston...

These letters are weird.
Only in Boston would people get their knickers in a twist over whether or not a chef lived here or not. Clearly, Bostonians aren't just crazy and mean when their favorite sports stars who leave town - they're just plain crazy - about everything.
I hope Julia Child didn't get this much bad press when she moved to California to retire.

Why would Todd sue? He'd probably agree with everything said here, and he doesn't have to get dirty saying it himself.

I don't get it? Satire and parody have no place on the interweb machine. I count on media to be honest and factual. Creativity belongs in other fields...like medicine, politics and the military. I only read and enjoy hard core journalism which is why The Onion is my first source for news and important information.

Brilliant article; thank you for writing it. Please ignore the comments of the humor impaired.

How could you !! talk like this. you suck, your a mess.

Agree with what's been said..I never found his food to be anything exceptional. Lose a bit of the ego, Todd, because your talensts are a bit mediocre

I have been to Olive's in Vegas. Wasn't very good. You are so full of yourself. The previous posts were correct, NYC will eat you alive. Good bye and do not let the door hit you in the butt!

You didn't break up with me, I broke up with you.... and Boston is insecure? why even make the stipulation, or respond to the tongue-in-cheek article in the first place?
The whole letter is overkill.

If I were Todd English, I'd sue the Globe for slandering my name. Even if he is a jerk- everyone thinks he really wrote this, when that fact has not been proven. Nice reporting & fact checking there Globe.... just kidding, you're now one of the ones making Boston look bad!

I never liked Olives - had a very good friend that lived in Chucktown and loved the place, so I got to eat there about 6 times about 10-12yrs ago. I remember paying like $18 for a crab cake....that sucked. I also remember this ridiiiiiculous pumpkin dish thing served in a pumpkin. It was a nice stab at being unique, but it sucked too. Everything else was overpriced and average at best. Never got the hype with this place

Maybe they can open the 39th high-end steak restaurant at the Olives location. those always seem to do well here Lol

Kingfish likes to use one main spice in its food - SALT. I had fish once at that place and it tasted like a salt lick. Terrible.

Yeah, the worst service I have ever received at a restaurant was at the Fig's in Chucktown.
You have to be doing a pretty crappy job to earn the badge of worst service ever.

At some level this is right, but Todd English isn't the guy to claim this about Boston.

One of the most irritating things about this city is the faux-celebrity factor. What's funny is that to Bostonians, these people are not famous in anyway. They think they're famous and the Globe has to have some kind of pop culture section so it's the same unremarkable people over and over again. So who is this crew? Red Sox ownership and their annoying wives, the guy who wrote bringing down the house and his annoying wife, local politicians that wish they were players at a national level, local real estate barrons.

Who don't you see carrying on like this? University professors, people who have been in award winning movies that happen to be from Boston, Venture capital and private equity firm executives that invest in successful companies. These are typical Bostonians - they're highly successful, but they don't parade around town pretending to be big fish in a small town.

So while there's a lot of truth in this, especially when it comes to the double-standard whining, but what's really funny is that English considers himself to be a celebrity at all.

He's just another member of the Boston faux-celebrity crew and only famous in their own eyes.

We WANT people like this to get out of this city and not associate themselves with it.

I can't believe at least half of the posters here didn't realize this was a joke. A spoof, satire, a fake letter - get it?!!!

God, no wonder Scott Brown got elected.

Thanks for the great memories at the old Olives, the new Olives, and the restaurants in DC, Vegas, and New York...The food was good, the buzz was great and TE was always a cordial, and engaging host....To all his critics - maybe you should try Pizza Hut next time....

How obnoxious.

I never thought of Todd English's places as top dining destinations. There are so many excellent restaurants in Boston, one barely has time to visit, why bother with his? I will take Craigie on Main, Via Matta or Hamersley's over any of his places any day.

Also, what the hell does baseball have to do with food? Sure, there is some overlap between the foodie crowd and the sports crowd, but it is not huge. Have you seen the average fan at the stadium? They would not know good food if their life depended on it.

Good riddance.

Who cares if it's satirical, it's just not funny... you have to have some very thick skin not to find this "article" insulting on some level. Agreed, this is a FAIL on the globe's part.

Who is Todd English and why do I care?

I quit subscribing to the Globe when I couldd not stand another issue of Ted Kennedy/Obama mania. However, a good game was always to count the references to Todd English in any given issue. Of course, it was not up to the slurping of Obama and Rose/Ted/John/John Jr/ Bobby/Victoria et al! Other than that idiot who used to be in charge of the Mass Film Bureau (Robin something) Todd English was number one!

Of course he's full of himself, he's a CELEBRITY. He doesn't have to answer to "Boston" anymore than Lindsay Lohan has to answer to...well, anyone. Olive's was great when it was new...hmmmm how many restaurants can you say that about? Born and raised in the immediate Boston burbs, I think sometimes "Boston" is a bit too cocky too. That's probably what clicked with Todd in the first place.

I prefer Boston's letter to Todd. Probably because all these clever people posting here got together and all wrote it, combining their perception and wit. Personally, I'm astounded that the population of an entire city could do that without it being covered on the daily news or snarling traffic or something. That's a big group to get together.

Oh -- maybe they did it with Google docs so everyone just group edited the letter. I bet that was it.

Yet another failed attempt at humor from The Globe. Really, this might be worse than that unfunny Belichick/Ryan piece Dan Shaughnessy wrote back in January about the imagined plane ride.

Yo Globe--you're a NEWSpaper!

I stopped reading at "I mean, who smokes crack anymore?"

I admit I moved out of the city when it stopped being a fun challenge to find parking, but it wasn't that long ago and I'm not particularly old. I know how to use the Internet and do so daily. I know Leann Rimes (who cheats on husbands) just married a man who cheats on wives (who cares, the deserve each other), that Chris Colfer kissed Darren Criss, and that there's some kind of wedding happening in a few hours so I think I have some idea of what's happening in the world of useless celebrity information and I have honestly never heard of this guy. I did eat at Olives once and walked out thinking, "Meh."

The things people get all lathered up about. Weird.

This Todd English bashing is ridiculous. We have more important problems to deal with than what the Todd English empire is up to. I also find the whole tongue in cheek approach of these pieces sad. Either write an article and put your name on it or say nothing. I'd heard that Bos Mag was calling around trying to dig up dirt on Todd. Guess no one would go on the record. So I guess that's what forced the love letter concept.

I agree with whoever wrote this 100%. Whoever does NOT agree with this never lived anywhere but Boston. It's ridiculously sucky here and it just shouldn't be.

Olives was up until the fire , one of he best restaurants in town. If you have never eaten there you certainly can't comment. It is a huge loss to Charlestown and to the city. Todd obviously did not write this but no matter what he does or where he lives Olives should reopen.