Recipe: Pumpkin pie a la Pigalle

Aram Boghosian for The Boston Globe

The recent social-media spat between a Pigalle customer and chef Marc Orfaly left us wondering: Just what could be in that pumpkin pie? Here is a recipe inspired by the event. Definitely one to clip for your next Thanksgiving! If you have any questions on how to proceed, please call me.

'You must enjoy vomit' pumpkin pie

Makes one 9-inch pie

1 pre-baked pie shell
1 raw chicken breast
1 3-pound sugar pumpkin or kabocha
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
1 can (13.5 ounces) spinach
2 containers pork lo mein from sketchy Chinese place on the corner (note: doesn't matter which corner), at room temperature
2 cups heavy cream
1 pair testicles (can be purchased frozen at specialty markets)

1. 1-2 weeks before serving, unwrap pie shell and set on shelf in refrigerator. Unwrap raw chicken and chill beside it until flavors have mingled. Reserve chicken.

2. Take sugar pumpkin or kabocha and find a tall building with roof access. Take elevator to roof (if there is no elevator, it is fine to take the stairs; this step will simply take a bit longer). Drop pumpkin from edge of roof.

3. Return to ground level and scrape pumpkin chunks from street, storing in compost bucket, bed pan, garbage bag lifted from city trash can, or other handy receptacle. Return to kitchen and simmer chunks in pot of water until tender. Drain.

4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a food processor with metal blade, beat together pumpkin chunks, reserved raw chicken, sugar, cornstarch, spices, salt, eggs, evaporated milk, and canned spinach.

5. Throw chunks mixture into pie shell and bake until filling is set, 20-30 minutes. Let cool on wire rack.

6. Eat 2 containers pork lo mein.

7. Wait for chills to set in. You are almost there! The next part won't be pretty, but judging by how fat your face looks, you most Likely shouldn't be eating anymore greasy Chinese food anyway, Sweet pea. xo.

8. Vomit into heavy-bottomed saucepan or Dutch oven. Pour heavy cream into pan and simmer until cream is infused. Strain through a fine strainer. (Some prefer to wrap vomit in cheesecloth, but we find this unnecessarily fussy.) Chill cream.

9. Whip cream until it almost holds peaks but remains runny. Cut pie in slices and serve with dollops of the whipped cream.

10. Oh yeah, the testicles. If you had any clue about eating out, or balls, you would know what to do with them.

11. Apologize to your angry, ranting guests, then friend them on Facebook.

Not adapted in any way, shape, or form from the actual Pigalle