Traumatic post stress

Once upon a time, a person - presumably a local woman - had a bad dating experience with a 29-year-old man named Dan Venskus.

On Dec. 7, that someone posted a note about it on a website called DontDateHimGirl.com. The site allows users - usually women - to share bad experiences about people they've dated so that others can avoid the agony.

The note about Venskus said, without apologies, "He's an [expletive] . . . that's all you need to know."

When I discovered this negative review of Venskus, I wondered if he was aware it existed. I Googled him. I found out that he works at the Other Side Cafe on Newbury Street. I called the restaurant, got him on the phone, and broke the news.

"Someone thinks you're an [expletive]," I explained.

Venskus was surprisingly calm.

"There are probably a few of those out there," Venskus said. "That's fine. That person went the extra mile for me."

Thanks to the Internet, this type of online review of another human being is pretty normal. DontDateHimGirl.com is one of many websites that serve as a clearinghouse for written rants about failed relationships. In more cases than not, posters use full names. Sometimes they include pictures.

These sites would have you believe that posting reviews about people you've dated without concern for their reputations is no big deal, but I'll tell you that it is. You can get sued. So think twice about what you write. Posting opinions is OK, albeit petty and immature. Posting lies about someone is not.

These sites are more than happy to open the floodgates for written tirades because, in most cases, they won't have to be accountable, at least not in court. Stephany Alexander, founder of WomanSavers.com (a site similar to DontDateHimGirl.com), explains that while men often threaten to sue her based on reviews posted on her website, those threats never materialize. That's because "Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act states that a third-party provider cannot be held liable for what somebody else says."

She's got that one memorized.

"It is the author that's responsible for their own posts," she says.

That means any of the 400-plus Massachusetts men who have been reviewed on WomenSavers.com would have to sue the author of the post for recourse, not the website. There's an active case in Colorado along these lines. A man has been charged with criminal libel (a rare thing) for writing a note about his ex in the "rants and raves" section of Craigslist.

The note claimed the woman traded sex for legal services. Craigslist keeps a legal disclaimer on its site about what people should and should not post, but the warning does little to scare users from ranting without consideration.

Of course, if you limit your rants to subjective statements, you'll be safe (although classless). No one can sue you for posting that someone is a jerk or ugly.

Someone has a note up on DontDateHimGirl.com about a well-known Boston-area chef who supposedly has "bad breath" and "small" hands. That chef has no legal recourse. On the other hand, there are a few other men who have plenty of good reason to hire a lawyer, assuming what's written about them on these sites isn't true. On WomanSavers.com, someone has posted that a Boston-area man "likes prostitutes." I found him easily with a quick Google search. I'm sure he'd be mortified if the people in his life ever found the listing.

Calling someone a bad name is an opinion, for sure, so Venskus, the guy who works at the Other Side Cafe, doesn't have a case against the woman who posted the note about him on DontDateHimGirl.com. He says he doesn't care. His friends and family wouldn't pay much attention to crazy rants on a mean-spirited website.

Still, after I notified him about the online review, Venskus called the woman he's currently dating to let her know about it, just to avoid any surprises. Apparently she found the DontDateHimGirl.com review rather amusing.

"She said I was popular. She said I have 74 hits," Venskus said, adding, "She doesn't think I'm an [expletive] yet."

Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com.