I caught a show recently at the Wilbur Theatre featuring comedian Myq Kaplan. I happen to know Kaplan. He used to date a friend of mine, which is why I was squirming in my chair when he started to tell jokes about one of his ex-girlfriends. I kept saying to myself: "Please don't say anything mean. Please don't say anything mean."
Kaplan's jokes weren't mean, and they weren't about my friend. Kaplan's a classy guy when it comes to his comedy. He doesn't kiss and tell - at least, he doesn't kiss and tell with the purpose of selling out his past loves.
He explained to me later that he never bashes exes during his shows. His comedy is vague, and usually it's at his own expense. When the topic of ex-girlfriends comes up in a routine, he creates a composite character. "Most comedians, if they have ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend jokes, they do amalgamize or amalgamate - whatever the verbiage is," Kaplan said. "It's like one Voltron of hateful girlfriends."
This weekend, Kaplan and other funny people will converge in Somerville for AltCom, a showcase of alternative comedy. Most of the comedians will dish about their romantic relationships, past and present. Based on my interviews with some of the performers, the comedians will approach their love-related material with different levels of respect and varying degrees of privacy. They all told me there's a line you don't cross when talking about real-life loves - but it seems they've all drawn that line in different places.
Kaplan is conservative when it comes to disclosure. He doesn't name names. His relationship jokes are more about the construction of the one-liners than the person they're about. (He has one quip about meeting "the one" - on a scale of "one to 10.")
Lucky for Kaplan, his exes are just as polite. Kaplan used to be married to someone (before he dated my friend) who's also a comedian - Lainey Schulbaum, of the singing comedy duo the Steamy Bohemians. Schulbaum told me that the Bohemians' songs are often inspired by past loves, but she and her partner make sure it's unclear about whom they're singing.
The song "Sorry I Made Out With Your Girlfriend" is about real life, but no word on whose girlfriend was involved. "We exaggerate. We make up details," Schulbaum said.
Niki Luparelli, the other Bohemian, said it's easier to get away with making light of romance when you're working as a duo. With two women on stage, you never know whose life is being sung about.
Schulbaum said that even when she and Kaplan include jokes about their failed relationship in their routines, it's usually honest and therapeutic. She remembers hearing Kaplan tell a joke about having "an open marriage - it's called a divorce."
Schulbaum had to laugh. It wasn't an attack, just a coping mechanism for the truth. Not surprisingly, Kaplan and Schulbaum are amicable. Kaplan opens for the Bohemians as part of AltCom on Saturday night.
Brian Joyce, a comedian who runs AltCom, said the rules of disclosure change depending on whom you're dating. Kaplan's ex-partners (including my friend) are comedians. Joyce, on the other hand, is engaged to a "real person," a nonperformer. For that reason, he says, he's more aware of privacy issues. "You have to make it personal. At the same time, you're like, I don't want to blow up my girlfriend or my wife on stage."
Leo Allen, one of this weekend's performers, is more liberal about the privacy line. "My own personal opinion is that whatever's funny is OK, as long as it's funny." A former "Saturday Night Live" writer who has also worked on Comedy Central's "Important Things With Demetri Martin," Allen says he's a fan of Marc Maron, a comedian who talks freely about his divorce.
"He has a very, very personal show, which is hilarious," Allen said. "Very raw but incredibly funny."
Allen said that even non-comedians should know that if they date a professional funny person, they're signing off on become part of a routine.
"If you dated a painter and you didn't think you might show up in a picture. . ." he said. "All comedians are really painters."
The AltCom festival starts tomorrow; schedule at www.altcomfestival.com.
Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. You can read her daily Love Letters dispatch and chat with her every Wednesday at 1 p.m. at www.boston.com/loveletters. 
