Q. Dear Meredith,
I’m a 25-year-old attorney who graduated from Suffolk Law last year and hope to get into politics someday. Aside from my career aspirations I am desperately looking for a girl who I can sweep off her feet and live happily ever after. I mean, I have never had a problem finding pretty girls and have always been a sucker for intellectuals like myself. But what I have found repeatedly is that I always run into two types of women; the feminist types who hate being treated like a lady (hold doors, pay for dinner, walk on the outside of the curb, etc.) and put their careers before anything or anyone else. Then there are the girls who use me because I have a good career and are only interested in what I can do for them (concerts, purses, jewelry, all within three weeks of the relationship).
I have always called myself a hopeless romantic because I believe that all the money in the world is only as good as the one you share it with. I want to take a walk, look at the stars, and get lost in the moment. I want to make a girl a romantic dinner and go out for ice cream. A girl who I can bring lunch to at work just because it’s a Tuesday. A girl who likes it when little notes are left in her car and apartment - just to brighten her day.
Meredith, I don’t consider myself clingy (40-hour work week plus as an attorney). I am just someone who is looking for the real deal and not just a facade of love. Where are these girls, the ones who want to truly love and be loved? Is it that in the politically correct world we live in today, there’s finally no room for a hopeless romantic?
Sincerely,
LOST WITHOUT LOVE, BOSTON
A. LWL, you’re a hopeless romantic? Really?
I blame romantic comedies for making people think they’re supposed to immediately sweep someone (or be swept) off their feet for no good reason. I’m all for feet-sweeping, but that should be the second or third step in any good relationship. The first step is really getting to know someone as a peer.
My guess is that the women who aren’t letting you pay for their dinners (the dreaded feminists!) are put off by your approach. Your immediate push for romance seems disingenuous - and I’m pretty sure it is.
My advice: When you meet a woman, really talk to her. No lines. No notes. Just real talk. Then, if you really like her - and respect her - you can take her for ice cream or whatever it is you want to do. Romance means so much more when you actually know the person you’re dating. It doesn’t sound like you get far enough with these women to know whether there’s any real connection.
And whatever you do, cut it out with the anti-feminist talk. It’s ridiculous. You say you want to find a woman who wants to be treated like a lady. Most women want to be treated like a human. Think about how you’d want to be treated and behave accordingly. Be a friend.
Reader comments:
I fear that I speak only for myself, but women aren’t interested in being called or thought of as “girls.’’ Your use of that word demonstrates your lack of respect for women. - proudfeminist
Where can I meet this guy? I’d like to go for a walk with him and grab some ice cream somewhere. - More than friends
Meredith has hit it spot on. I’ve had men treat me like you’re describing - it’s great once you know the man, but full blast from the very start comes off as desperate and creepy. - neabob
This LW [Letter Writer] is not looking for a real relationship with a real human being, but some kind of romantic fantasy into which he can plug a pretty little doll. He means well, I’m sure. But he has A LOT of growing up to do. - lisalisa
Instead of looking for “the romance’’ with “the girl,’’ maybe you should try making a few female friends first. You’d learn a little about women, friendship, mutual respect - and then you might be ready for a real relationship. - bill
Edited and reprinted from Boston.com/LoveLetters. Visit Love Letters tomorrow for a letter from a Romanian transplant in the South End. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. 
