Acting neighborly?

At first, my husband thought it was kind of funny; now her behavior bugs him more and more, too. And now he comes to neighborhood gatherings less and less - which only makes him more of a treasure to her when he decides to show.

Now, granted, I actually like this woman - if not for her, we would not all be hanging around together, and I really like my neighbors. She’s a more-the-merrier type of person and always wants absolutely everyone to attend every gathering - but especially my husband. And it’s getting to be sickening.

She has decided that they are “simpatico’’ (her word - and what, we’re not, after 30 years of marriage?). She has decided they have something special in common; still not sure what that is exactly, but I heard her say that to someone once. She gets all mushy when he arrives at the party, squeals his name, and attempts to hijack him and engage him in close, private conversation the entire time he’s there, making sure she sits right next to him. Invariably, he leaves the party early and goes home after less than an hour, and I’m left conflicted: happy that I do not have to worry about her hanging on him anymore, and sad that he’s gone and I’m at the party alone where just about everyone else is a couple. (P.S. She’s happily married to an absolute dream of a nice guy.)

I don’t fault my husband’s behavior; he is polite around her, tries not to be rude, and always seeks out other people to talk to. He’s as gregarious as me and doesn’t restrict himself to talking to strictly guys or gals at these parties.

What do we do, other than stop going to neighborhood parties?

HE’S WITH ME, Framingham

A. HWM, I get why this is a big deal. It’s not so much that this woman is all over your husband - it’s that she’s the ring leader of your social circle. Finding a good social life in the suburbs isn’t easy. If this woman is the key to your inclusion, it’s dangerous to upset her.

But you might have to.

You don’t have to tell this woman that she’s inappropriately flirting with your man. You can soften the message and say, “My husband gets very uncomfortable with the attention and he’s too shy to tell you. Is there a way you can make him less of a focus when he’s around?’’

Telling her that he’s uncomfortable is certainly a risk, even if you pretend that this is about his oversensitivity as opposed to her inappropriateness. This woman has a big personality. She might get embarrassed or angry. But confronting the situation is all you can do at this point. And really, she deserves to know that her behavior is putting someone off. Perhaps she’s oblivious and needs to be informed.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her. It could go horribly wrong, but if you’re already thinking about skipping these social events, what do you have to lose? MEREDITH

CLADDIE

Let your husband do the telling. Flat out: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were hitting on me and trying to win me over. But that’s never going to happen in a million years, period.’’ Your husband must be the person who delivers this message, because nobody delivers a message as clearly as a man who has had enough. JOEY

I have a big personality, so I can relate to this neighbor woman. I suspect she is fantasizing about the letter writer’s husband, without realizing that she is being obvious about it. She will probably be mortified to find out. So, I suggest having a very quiet chat with her. But be prepared. She may react with . . . maturity and start to back off - or she may get so embarrassed that she drops you entirely. Good luck.

WALKSOFTLY

If the husband didn’t like the attention, he would give her the cold shoulder, period. Everyone eventually “gets it’’ when it comes to the cold shoulder, unless they have a major psychological problem. BIGDADDY

Edited and reprinted from www.boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. She chats online today at 1 p.m.