I know you’re lonely. Tired of nights spent with a freezer-burned pint of Cherry Garcia and TiVoed “Dancing With the Stars.’’ Fear not. I am now ready to reveal the secret passageway to domestic bliss. And it’s not Match.com or cougar night at City Bar. It’s a magic, undiscovered country where the rich and single eagerly await your presence. This place is called Arlington.
I know what you’re thinking. How can a town bordering such suburban sleepyvilles as Belmont and Lexington be one of the country’s top spots for singles to meet a “sugar daddy or sugar mama’’?
The folks at CNNMoney.com have the scoop. In a recent “best of’’ list, the geniuses who brought you such click-throughs as “Wells Fargo: Good Bank or Bad Bank,’’ spread the word of the country’s top places to meet the rich and single. Arlington, the proud hometown of not-so-funny man Dane Cook and sculptor Cyrus Dallin, lands at No. 10, just behind such lovers’ landmarks as Edgewater, N.J., and Herndon, Va.
“Massachusetts Ave. is the ‘spine’ of the city, where residents go to shop and dine,’’ the report states with such authority. “If you’re an old-fashioned guy or gal - and we mean really old-fashioned - be sure to check out the historical reenactment of a Revolutionary War battle on Patriots Day.’’
Skeptical? I was at first. After all, I live in Arlington. And frankly, with the exception of a few divorcees and widows, I couldn’t think of a single person on my block who was rich, single, and looking for that Miss or Mr. Right.
But the numbers don’t lie, according to Gabrielle Solomon, the editor at CNNMoney.com. “The idea is that income is high there and there are a lot of singles,’’ she told me. “So you never know what can happen.’’
Ain’t that the truth. At Gold’s Gym one time, I saw a tall, long-haired man in spandex. He looked so darn familiar, and then it hit me. Chris Smither, the folksy blues singer. Now that’s sexy! Was he single? Is he rich? Now I wonder. And then there’s Town Day. They sell food on the street. There’s the Walter V. Moynihan Town Day Run. And don’t forget the free balloons given out by a local realty company. In other words, we’re talking about a classic meat market.
You might not be surprised to hear that CNNMoney’s rating was decided without an actual visit to Arlington. That would be cheating. Instead, the rank came through a scientific examination of census figures that, according to CNNMoney, showed that there are 41,100 people living in town and 33 percent of them are single. The stat-masters then crossed the figure with the median family income, $102,681, and voila: a top 10 ranking.
“It’s actually pretty hard data,’’ Solomon said, though conceding the conclusions “may be unexpected.’’
That’s because they’re wrong, and I have a feeling Solomon started realizing that as well. A few minutes after our interview ended, I got a phone call from a friendly public relations person from CNNMoney, who tried to argue that my chat with Solomon had been “on background’’ and “not for quoting.’’
I needed a local expert for perspective. That led me to Noreen Donovan. She grew up in Arlington and commented on CNNMoney’s website about the absurdity of the town’s new status. She particularly appreciated the photograph with the entry of a woman (a searching single? a prospective sugar mama?) sitting on a bench at Robbins Farm Park.
“That’s where we went in high school to go drinking and run from the cops,’’ she said.
Things have changed, I told her. That’s where the wonderful Friends of Robbins Farm Park rent a massive screen and hold screenings of movies and Red Sox games. In other words, it’s a dating fiesta.
Donovan and I commiserated on the oddity of CNNMoney picking a town that was dry until just recently. “Where are you going to go to meet people? Brigham’s?’’
Then I asked Donovan the important question. Was she single? Yes, she said without hesitation. She’s 39 and lives in Bedford. “I got a good deal on a condo,’’ she explained.
Ah, I told her. I know just how you can meet Mr. Right. You need to move back to Arlington.
