Q. Hi, Meredith. I met this guy many months ago online. Things started off well, and he seemed very interested. Then he left for a multi-month trip over the summer. He kept in touch frequently, and when he returned to Boston things continued where they left off and seemed to be going well for a while - until recently.
For the last month and a half, I have seen this guy fewer than five times. He has been out of town for a considerable amount of time (for social reasons) and also recently started a new semester of grad school. I have tried to address the situation by telling him that if he is interested in other girls or isn’t interested in me anymore to please let me know sooner rather than later so I can move on. He responds saying that he is still interested but is just extremely busy. He has acknowledged that his behavior hasn’t been great and that he appreciates my patience. He also told me that his last few relationships ended badly and that he has a difficult time “trusting girls’’ and wants to take things slow.
I have asked my friends what they think about the situation. Most of my girlfriends say I shouldn’t even give this guy an ounce of my energy and time, but my guy friends think that I haven’t really “dated’’ him that long and I still need to be patient. He told me that he always has fun with me and he promises to end things if things change on his end.
I know that things need to either change or I need to move on. However, I’m willing to stick it out for a bit longer if this guy is genuinely busy. In a town where everyone is busy, at what point does busy just become an excuse for something else going on?
TIRED OF EXCUSES, Boston
A. I’m with your lady friends on this one.
My friend Danielle always says that “busy is bunk.’’ I’m with her on that. I’d describe myself as a pretty busy person, but when there’s something I really want to do, I make it happen. I rearrange my schedule. I make it a priority.
Even if your guy is legitimately swamped with events and trips, he doesn’t sound like the man for you. You’re looking for someone who will actually be present in your life. After many months, this guy has proven that he’s just not around enough to make you happy. Maybe if you were a traveling grad student, you’d like the casual nature of this relationship. But you’re not. You want more.
I also don’t like this: He promises to end things if things change on his end. That certainly suggests you don’t have much of a say in this relationship.
And this? He has a difficult time “trusting girls.’’ I mean, come on.
This relationship hasn’t been good for your head - and I think it’s time to meet someone who’s actually around.
MEREDITH
UNCOOL926
You are not being needy and clingy. I feel like sometimes a woman can’t catch a break - she is either a doormat or clingy. There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want.
ELI128
Meredith is making a lot of sweeping generalizations lately. You appear to be in your 20s, so this may not apply to your guy. But as life develops, people may indeed become too busy to do even things they want to do. I have two priorities: going to my job, and caring for my 5-year-old. After that, I may not get to things, even things I really want to do.
JC
Busy can be bunk, but not always. Some people travel for work, so they can be out of town every week Mon-Fri. Throw a child in every other weekend and they’re available for dating once every two weeks. People have different jobs/schedules/priorities. The letter writer seems young, so that’s probably not the case here.
SCOOTER69
Edited and reprinted from www.boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. She chats online today at 1 p.m. 
