Waiting for. . .
He wants to pop the question, but when is it the right time?
Q. The question here would be: How soon is too soon?
I am 27 years old and have been dating my girlfriend for 18 months. She is the one! She is smart, funny, and beautiful. We have the same interests and goals in life. She is my lover and my best friend. Since our first anniversary I have been thinking more and more about proposing.
At the moment, there are two main reasons we are not engaged: (1) I am waiting for the honeymoon to be over. We have not had any fights, only little arguments that have always been resolved quickly, and even those are rare. I know this period of bliss can’t last forever, and I want to see what the relationship is like once it’s over. (2) I once asked her how long she would expect to date someone before becoming engaged, and she said three years. Since she thought three years was a reasonable time, I was willing to wait.
The issue is that over the past month both of my reasons have disappeared. Last weekend was her birthday, and I had planned a “special surprise.’’ She had mentioned there was a show in town she wanted to see. I bought tickets, then took her out to a nice dinner and the show. Early the next morning, her two best friends called, and they wanted to know if she was engaged. I was a little confused, since she had said that she would expect to date for longer. It turns out she said three years so as not to rush me, but she made it clear that she is ready when I am ready.
Reason No. 1 disappeared when I was talking to my father; he said that waiting for the honeymoon to be over is a terrible idea. He said if he had waited for the honeymoon to be over before marrying my mother they would still be dating. He also mentioned that he was married to my mother for about five years before they had a serious argument.
If I know that she is the one is it dumb to wait just for the sake of waiting?
WAITING WITHOUT REASON IN BRIGHTON
A. The honeymoon phase is sort of a made-up thing. There’s a weird blissful phase in most new relationships - but there’s no way to tell when it will end. Your dad’s right - if you’re waiting to find out what your relationship will be like once you get sick of your girlfriend, you could be waiting a long time.
For your parents, it took five years. Some couples fight twice a day because that’s the way they communicate. Some couples don’t have problems until after they have children. Some couples are smitten from start to finish. Who knows how your relationship will work out?
No one can predict how love will feel in the future. When people commit (marriage or otherwise), all they’re really doing is pledging to take a journey with someone. They’re not supposed to know how they’ll feel in five years - they’re just promising to experience those feelings with a partner.
I don’t know what your background is - whether there’s a reason you want to be married sooner than later. And I do worry about anyone who says “She’s the one!’’ with such innocence. But I think you should do what you want. If you’re waiting for absolute answers first, you’re not going to get them.
MEREDITH
The honeymoon tends to end when you start using four-letter words - like dust, wash, iron, and cook. POWERCORD
The honeymoon is over when you put the ring on her finger. So I figure you’ve got about six more months of bliss before it heads steadily downhill. Enjoy! TD1967
Have you and your sweetheart had serious talks about, not just getting married, but being married? DEBORAH-ANN
Go for it. My husband (of 23 years) and I dated for 5 1/2 months, were engaged for 1 month, and married. Sometimes it’s just right. THETEALADY53
Edited and reprinted from www.boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. She chats online today at 1 p.m. 
