Resigned to a life alone
It’s been 7 years, and she isn’t going to change to suit someone
Q. I’m a 53-year-old female. I’ve been divorced for a long, long time, and my children are grown. I’m smart, funny, educated, sophisticated enough not to embarrass anyone if taken out to a nice place, but also appreciate the proverbial hamburger on the grill. I love rock music, I am artistic and creative, and I have a good handle on life in general. I have a decent job and a little side business that I created and run all by myself. So, what’s the problem? You tell me!
I have not had someone special in my life for years despite efforts to “get out there.’’ I had a lone four-year relationship that ended badly (he left me for someone else), and since then I have been alone. That was seven years ago. I’ve tried Internet dating, friends of friends, courses, church, you name it. I will tell you I don’t have traditional good looks and I wear a plus size (just barely plus, mind you!). However, I keep myself attractive and wear nice clothes, my hair is nice, I have all my teeth - you get the picture. I am overlooked on Internet sites (I often think that in real estate terms, I just don’t have “curb appeal’’).
I know - you’ll say, “Just wait, he’s out there,’’ but honestly I’m starting to wonder. My friends all say they can’t understand why I haven’t been able to find someone. For a long time I felt like it was my looks, my weight, whatever. But I’ve decided that I am what I am, and if I can’t be me then it’s not worth it just to have someone else. I guess my question is, how can I learn to be content with the status quo and enjoy the moment? I’m afraid I will end up as a crazy cat lady who doesn’t even own a cat. What is one to do when it seems that love won’t come?
WILL I END UP AS A CRAZY CAT LADY? Cambridge
A. I wish I could say he’s out there, but I have no idea. You’re doing all the right things (church, classes, etc.). All you can do is keep doing those right things. Please consider that you’re not alone even though you’re lonely. Some of your married friends may be lonely within their relationships. I’m not saying that you should make yourself feel better by assuming that everyone else is miserable, but you can take comfort in the fact that you have friends, children, and a drive to be creative. Some people would trade their boyfriends in a heartbeat to have those things. It’s a tough age, for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to meet someone. Value all of the good stuff, the fact that you have two sources of income and a great sense of humor. Crazy cat ladies do not make jokes about having their teeth. They’re too busy feeding their cats. Many of the letters I receive come from lonely people who are wondering why they don’t have a partner. They’re just like you. I believe it was the great and tantric Sting who once said, “Seems I’m not alone at being alone - a hundred billion castaways, looking for a home.’’ Now stop me before I move on to “Eleanor Rigby.’’
MEREDITH
RINKRAT27
Be comfortable in your own skin and content with your current situation, and the correct vibe will be put out there. If guys get a whiff of neediness, loneliness, or insecurity, they keep on moving.
HOSS
Have you thought about getting a dog? They bring great joy to your life and give you exercise (I’m not at all saying that you need it though). Who knows, maybe you’ll meet a hottie veterinarian someday.
BECAUSEICAN
Just keep on keepin’ on. P.S. Be nice to the crazy cat ladies. I am already one at age 27, and I am a man.
KRABAT
Edited and reprinted from www.boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. She chats online today at 1 p.m. 
