It’s almost like being there. Almost.

“We both got accounts right away when I moved up here,’’ Cetlin, 23, said, swooning at the memory of the special moment. “There’s rarely anything that happens to me or to him during the day that I don’t hear about almost instantly, or he doesn’t,’’ she added. “It feels like he’s right here with me.’’

It’s love, long-distance style, 2010.

Forget the days of the postman with his measly once-a-day visits, and those hand-written letters filled with dated news. Today, said Lisa Rehak, the founder of a blog dedicated to long-distance relationships, “your partner can be in your computer all day long.’’

For better or worse, virtually every long-distance relationship has a third party these days, and it’s not one partner’s ex. It’s technology. The central role played by Verizon et al. has been recognized by none other than the queen of the romantic-zeitgeist movie, Drew Barrymore herself. In “Going the Distance,’’ which opened last week, she and her love interest try to keep their summer fling alive cross country by texting, sexting, and chatting constantly on the phone.

As Rachel Kiichli, 26, former manager of the Mint Julep boutique in Brookline, put it: “The new pining is staring at your cellphone waiting for it to vibrate with a text.’’

But as the ways to communicate instantly grow in number, ease, and affordability — couples can text, e-mail, video chat, instant message, sext, and, if they’re old-fashioned, talk on the phone — the question must be asked: Does presence make the heart grow fonder?

Kiichli isn’t sure. She moved here several years ago, leaving behind a boyfriend in California. A tall, slim blonde with a great smile and an independent nature, she never wanted to be the kind of woman who put her friends second after some man. But when her boyfriend called from the West Coast she found herself cutting short conversations with pals, or popping out of a party so she could hear him on her cell. “I became that person,’’ she said.

And worse, she added, was that along with the instant communication came more insecurity. “A letter, you get to read it at your leisure and write back at your leisure, but when you can text, you wonder why he didn’t text back right away. What does that mean?’’

Experts agree that technology can cut both ways — helping people in good relationships keep connected when they’re apart, or exacerbating negative behaviors or feelings like cheating or jealousy.

“Imagine the root problem is that you don’t trust your significant other,’’ said Matt Wallaert, a behavioral psychologist with Churnless, a New York-based Web product development firm. “It’s easier to lie via technology, when you’re not seeing the face or hearing the voice. If the problem is jealousy,’’ he added, “they can stalk [their partner’s] Facebook photos.’’

In good relationships, he said, all this connectedness can make partners miss each other even more. “You can talk to them every day, but you can’t give them a hug. If you couldn’t talk, you may be able to distance yourself from the need for a hug, so in some ways, technology can highlight what you’re missing.’’

Expectations surrounding the technology can cause problems, too. Unreturned texts, calls sent directly to voice mail, missed Skype dates, all are new sources of friction. “The new sign of love is that you are constantly available for someone,’’ said Ilana Gershon, an assistant professor in the Department of Communication and Culture at the University of Indiana, and author of “The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media.’’ In other words, if you love me, answer your iPhone.

But some long-distance couples are “together’’ so much it’s almost as if they’re, well, together. Consider the relationship between Laurie Davis, 28, and her boyfriend, Thomas Edwards, 25. She’s based in New York, he’s in Boston, and, perhaps because they’re both professional dating coaches, the two enjoy more dates than most couples who live in the same city.

They have Skype date nights, where they both dress up and drink wine. They record movies and press “start’’ at the exact same moment and chat throughout the movie. They text all day long.

A recent date began with him telling her early in the day, “I’ll pick you up at 8.’’ At 8, he “arrived’’ empty-handed, at which point Davis, the founder of eFlirt expert, said, “What, no flowers?’’ “Check your inbox,’’ he responded. Be still my virtual heart: He sent an e-card with a picture of roses.

“Because you’re not physically involved it’s important to feel virtually involved,’’ said Edwards, the founder of the Professional Wingman. “This is the most I’ve ever communicated with anyone. But I’ve always been this person who over-communicated. This is what I’ve always wanted.’’

Well, almost. He’s planning to move to New York City so he and Davis can be together offline.

But for every aww shucks technology-enabled moment, there’s one that’s a bust.

Out shopping with other members of the Boston College field hockey team recently, Kara Mackintire, a sophomore, recalled how she used to look forward to Skype dates with her high school boyfriend, only to see his college buddies laughing in the background. “You feel like you’re missing out,’’ she said. “You want to be there, but you can’t.’’

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a therapist and author of “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage,’’ said she hasn’t seen any studies on the effect of technology on long-distance relationships, but predicted that one problem will not be easy to overcome, no matter how many video chats or instant messages a couple exchanges.

“The looming question is still the familiar one. Are the partners the type of individuals who can be without physical contact/intimacy for long periods of time?’’ she says. “I don’t think technology will ever take care of this central dilemma.’’

Beth Teitell can be reached at beth.teitell@gmail.com.