Q. My problem, if you could call it that, is that I am a bisexual woman. Not bisexual as in I’ve had the occasional drunken romp with a lady, but bisexual as in I’ve had girlfriends. My family is ultra-conservative, and I have a feeling that if I told them, I would not be allowed to see my nieces. I had to explain to my stepsister that homosexuality is a completely different animal from pedophilia, and I know where she got that idea: my parents. I have let on to my stepsister that I have fooled around with women, but have not told her the extent of it, and she has let it slip that she has done the same thing, as well, although I suspect she’s firmly in the “fooled around’’ category.
My parents are old and are against gay marriage with the highly refutable logic that “marriage is between a man and a woman.’’ I am getting married to a man next year and am worried that it may come out at the wedding. I have no problem telling my friends. It is just my family members in another city who don’t know, so the likelihood that it will slip is about 50-50.
My husband-to-be encourages me to tell them but understands the quandary I am in. My deal is that if I am getting married to a man and intend to spend the rest of my life with him, isn’t it kinder to my parents to let them think their daughter is hetero, or am I letting the entire LGBT community down by not telling them and risking rest-of-my-life outcast status? Despite their views, they are the only family I know.
NOT-SO-INNOCENT BI-STANDER
A. Because you say your parents are “ultra-conservative’’ and old (and benighted), I would not give them information that, in a way, is none of their business and would also disturb them greatly. There is nothing to gain. You are getting married, and that will give them pleasure - and you’re doing it in the way they understand: a man and a woman! I don’t think you are letting down the LGBT community. Your peers know, and more importantly, your husband-to-be knows, so let’s leave Mom and Dad in the 20th century where they are comfortable.
Q. We are an older, retired couple who like to do our yard work in the summer during the cool morning hours. Starting at first light, around 6 a.m., is when we prefer to do our yard work. By9 a.m., it is much too hot to continue working outside.
Our next-door neighbor, whom we really like, has asked us not to do any yard work before 9 a.m. The noise from the weed whacker, edger, and lawn mower wakes up their baby. What to do?
UP AND AT ’EM
A. What to do - at 6 in the morning? Be quiet, for one thing. I, personally, would find making any kind of big noise outside “at first light’’ grounds for calling the police. I can tell you, having lived in Southern California, that the sound of weed whackers is an awful, annoying sound at any hour.
I would hope you’d accede to your neighbor’s request, because common courtesy dictates no noisy anything before 9. I don’t know which desert you live in for it to be too hot to be outside at 9 in the morning, but if that is truly the case, I suggest you change your yard work schedule to perhaps 6 in the evening.
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