Here's your letter of the day ... something to read before you shovel (again) ...
Q: I have a website and a blog, and I have a stat counter that shows me what IP addresses regularly visit my site. Over the past few months, I've suspected that my ex-boyfriend who I haven't talked to in 4 years is one of the people visiting, but I have no real way of knowing. I just happen to know that he lives in the same town in which the IP address is registered. I want to email him and ask if he's the one. We were together for nearly a decade and the break up was very sudden. I feel like I need to clear the air and see if we can be friends but I was the one who broke up with him. What do I do?
A: iCurious, you saved the most important details for last. You dumped him? And the break-up was sudden?
It may very well be your ex's IP address. In fact, I'm willing to bet that it is.
But I live by a rule: The dumper isn't allowed to reach out to the dumped after the dumping. It's the dumped who determines whether a friendship is possible. (If you read that twice, it should make sense.) There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but they're few and far between.
As the dumper, you stay silent. If your ex is ever ready to say hello and be friends, he'll reach out.
That said, iCurious, I do wonder why Mr. IP address is still on your mind and why you're so "iCurious" about whether he's watching you. Perhaps you're just feeling bad about how things went down.
But could it be that you're second guessing your decision to let him go? Maybe when you say "I want to email him and ask if he's the one" you're really wondering whether he's "the one."
If not, please leave him alone and let him Google you in private. It's his right.
Readers? Share your thoughts here.
Also, Confused is still trying to decide whether to call off the wedding. You can help with that one here.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.