Q: What do you think of a spouse that does not in any way celebrate the holidays? No gifts or cards for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentines Day, etc. He's great about lots of other things but does not do holidays. I am hurt by this as they are important to me but he doesn't understand that.
A: What about Chrismukkah?
Look, the fact that he’s “great about lots of other things” is probably more important than his treatment of holidays. Still, I understand why his special-occasion-phobia would bother you, especially when it comes to anniversaries. You’d think he’d want to celebrate your success as a married couple. But I get it -- some people just can’t deal with obligation, malls, deadlines, and all that comes with holiday festivities.
If your spouse is one of those people – and you’re the opposite – a compromise might be a joint gift. Once a year (pick the most random day possible), both of you choose one gift that will improve your lives as a pair. It could be a vacation, a television, a comfy piece of furniture … an annual splurge that’s a joint investment.
It'll be fun to work together to pick it out, and you’ll both be able to enjoy the result. Seems like a fair compromise.
On a side note, I’m curious to know how he feels about St. Patrick’s Day. If he spends it anywhere near Guinness, you have my permission to call him a hypocrite.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.