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Baby did a bad, bad thing

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 12, 2009 11:15 AM

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Help me help Curious.

Q: Hi Meredith, column is great by the way. I have been in a relationship for 10 months now. We have gotten along so well -- have had disagreements but no real arguments. The other day my significant other called from home wanting to talk, but I couldn't as I was on a call for work. I called back later again and again, also texting and e-mailing to no avail. I have been getting the cold shoulder for five days now, with just texts on how disappointed he is and how he misjudged me. He won't tell me what is wrong, doesn't want to speak to me, I am heartbroken. I didn't lie, cheat or steal. What are your thoughts on this?
-- Curious

A: Curious, if I were you, I’d be more than curious. I’d be out of my mind, and I’d probably be sitting on his doorstep.

After 10 months, you have every right to expect honesty and explanations. If you did something wrong and he’s angry about it – if there was a cheat, a steal, a lie, an STD -- he’s supposed to explain that to you, not taunt you with accusing texts.

All you can do is leave a message – a last message – telling him (in a calm, honest voice) that you’re puzzled and upset beyond belief, that you have no idea why he’s disappointed and angry, and that you’d like to talk about it.

If he can’t manage honesty and an adult conversation after that, start breaking up with him in your mind. I understand that 10 months is a long time, but if this is how he deals with a major conflict, there’s no future. Unless you liquidated his bank account and invested the money in GM, there’s no reason for him to be shunning you like this.

Readers? Agree? What do you think Curious did that warrants this behavior? Should she wait on his doorstep? Is there any excuse for his mega-shun? Share your thoughts for Curious here. Read about break-up songs, Facebook cheats, and dating the exes of friends here. Submit your own quandary here.

-- Meredith

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68 comments so far...
  1. Sounds like he was calling to break up, and it appears he already has without informing you. Clearly not quality material.

    Posted by Alvin March 12, 09 11:43 AM
  1. Sounds to me like passive aggressive behavior from a boyfriend throwing a temper tantrum. He did not get the immediate attention on demand that he was seeking, so he's now giving you the cold shoulder IMHO

    Posted by Melanie March 12, 09 11:49 AM
  1. Maybe he was having a heart attack and needed her to get him help now he's dead on his kitchen floor? Sounds about as outlandish as his behavior. My husband and I have literally hung up on each other rudely due to work taking priority. Never have we had the slightest disagreement over it. We both know work is a priority - it keeps us with food in our bellies and a roof over our head. The most conversation we have ever had beyond the hang up was curiosity about why one of us was so busy. That's normal - this guy is behaving like a baby. I agree, she should give him one last chance to grow up and act normal or see ya later, buddy! Something is wrong with this guy and if he can't act like an adult and take a backseat to work on a rare occasion, then he's not worth your time.

    Posted by Jayna March 12, 09 11:57 AM
  1. I think you should definitely go to his place when you know or think he is going to be home and demand an explanation. My guess is he is with someone new. So you will either catch him with someone or you will get answers. Either way it's a win win for you. 10 months is a long time and you deserve to know what's up.
    He reached out to "talk", which may not be a good thing. But him not returning calls, texts tells me that he's up to something or involved with someone else.
    From a guys perspective, that's the easy way to break up, just wash his hands of it and that's it. But a true man would give you an explanation and let you know what's up. Exactly what Meredith says, if this is how he deals with conflicts it's prbably not going to be that great for you in the future. Get your closure, show up and give him a stiff right and demand explanantions.

    Posted by rock March 12, 09 11:58 AM
  1. What an immature little brat she's been dating! If he can't respect her need to be professional while on the job, he is a needy, craven little fool who will smother her with his anxieties if she stays with him. I'm wondering if he was looking for a way out of this relationship and he seized on this as his flimsy excuse. I disagree with leaving another message - she's done way more than she should and if any apologies are due, they are due from the little man. You reference this as a "major conflict". It is nothing of the sort - it's just a petulant little brat not wanting his Mommy to go to work. Ditch the loser! Rico - what do you say? You are my oracle!

    Posted by J Bar March 12, 09 12:03 PM
  1. This is always what Rico does on or about the first 300 days. He's kind, gentle, caring and emotive in order to get the relationship going, but then he reverts to a protective, moody and vacant partner. He plays this game to see how far he can go and how much 'hand' he has in the relationship. By these psychological actions, he will put you in a subservient position to always be coming toward him; thereby achieving the upper hand. It’s time to play your own game of ‘How do you like them Apples?’ and take back your good name. Leave him alone and watch him come back...Then kick him to the curb.

    Posted by valentino March 12, 09 12:09 PM
  1. I think there is something to comment #1. If a person is looking for an excuse to break up with you, they will often take the smallest thing and blow it out of proportion - so they can somehow not feel so bad for being a jerk and not facing the situation as an adult. I would give him the benefit of the doubt until you can talk about it, but be prepared that it may be over. If it is, off of something as minor as a call you could not take -just be glad you are rid of him, as a person like that will never have your back in the long run - and that is what you need in a relationship.

    Posted by Pat M March 12, 09 12:25 PM
  1. NO HE DIDNT HAVE A HEART ATTACK. HE IS A GUY HE WAS EITHEIR BREAKING UP WITH YOU OR HE PISSED BECAUSE YOU DIDNT STOP WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO TALK TO HIM. I WOULD TRY TO GO TO HIS PLACE TO MEET HIM OR IF YOU ARE CLOSE TO ANY OF HIS PALS HAVE THEM HELP YOU TO SEE HIM.GOOD LUCK. I WOULD BE GOING CRAZY IF MY BOYFRIEND DID THAT TO ME.

    Posted by LIZZ March 12, 09 12:32 PM
  1. It's either one of two things......1. he's a freak and you need to lose him or 2. he was looking to dump you and he just did....have a nice day

    Posted by nash March 12, 09 12:38 PM
  1. I'm thinking he has a problem with serious commitment especially as you're rounding that year mark.

    Posted by Rusell March 12, 09 12:38 PM
  1. I think this is a great opportunity to make a very important point clear to him - unless you are both committed to bringing problems to the table for you to both work on together - collectively - to find a solution, then the relationship is going no where long term. Make that clear with him without pointing the finger. Make it clear that you want this structure for the both of you, and that you want to participate in that effort. If he can't come to the table based on that, then consider yourself lucky that you found out now - and ditch him as much as it hurts....because it WILL hurt more later unless you can do this constructively in your relationship with him.

    Posted by spaceman March 12, 09 12:40 PM
  1. This is just a small glimpse into what he'll be like if there was a REAL issue. Move on...Been there, done that, and it only gets worse.

    Posted by Christine March 12, 09 12:41 PM
  1. I wouldn't call and leave another message. I agree with J Bar - he's using this whole thing as an excuse to get out of the relationship and it's lame. If he wanted out, he should have been a man and said so. Even if he did call you back do you really want to be bothered with anyone who would act that way? If he acts this way over something so minor (over nothing really), what would he do when something major comes up? 10 months is long enough for you to expect an explanation from him, but it's not long enough to try to hold on to him if he's this immature. It's easier said than done, but I'd let it go and move on.

    Posted by bumbly-bee March 12, 09 12:48 PM
  1. DO NOT go to his place, that's stalking. It also makes you seem like you are begging and puts him in a position of power. Just don't do it.

    I agree with Meredith on this one and also Nash (#9). Leave him a final message that basically says you don't know what his problem is but if he would like to discuss it like an adult, then you are ready to talk to him. Then be prepared to never hear from him again. that will be hard because of course you'll want "closure," but make sure you rally your friends, therapist, family, who ever you need to help you stay strong in your resolution to not contact him again.

    Posted by take the high road March 12, 09 12:51 PM
  1. Guys pull this crap all the time. Without reason, they just drop off the face of the earth or worse yet, do something like this, where they leave the girl puzzled and wondering what she did wrong.

    Dump him in your mind right now - even if he does talk you. If you get back together, and the stakes are even higher, he might pull this crap again!

    Posted by MV March 12, 09 12:54 PM
  1. This person was either trying to break up with you or he is exerting his control over you. In either case, it's bad. A person who controls you with his/her anger and silence is trying to keep you off balance so they keep the upper hand.
    I would email him and tell him that you are not interested in a relationship with a person who can't deal with issues in a mature way. Then I would not contact him again and not talk to him until he acts reasonably. This will not get better, just worse. If he was trying to break up with you, then you're better off without him and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're hurt. Ignore him, like it doesn't matter. I know it's hard, but following after him will only prolong your hurt.

    Posted by JB March 12, 09 12:57 PM
  1. Meredith,

    How can we get an update as to how this goes? I am curious to his explanation, pertaining to what she did.

    Posted by Josh March 12, 09 01:03 PM
  1. Quote from Alison Willcocks: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect."

    However, the version I prefer is if you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.

    Posted by A Dingo Ate My Baby March 12, 09 01:05 PM
  1. Why hasn't Rico commented yet? Rico, we're all waiting to hear what you have to say!

    Posted by Dan March 12, 09 01:09 PM
  1. i agree. DONT GO TO HIS PLACE. I did this once when an ex wouldnt come pick up his things from my apartment. Went over there, his room mate answered the door and i ended up leaving the box on the front porch after the room mate told me he wasnt there (he was). Ex phoned me to call me a stalker. and not even a thanks for the free shipping! Not worth the time or effort.
    Just dont respond to his bull of "how dissapointed he is" i thought mere was right. Calmly tell him you would like to discuss this and if he cant figure that much out.. than you might as well leave the babysitting to his mom.

    Posted by blahblahblah March 12, 09 01:12 PM
  1. Don't go to his house or workplace, whatever you do. That would be a very big mistake, and would only serve to make you look like the crazy person here...which you are not. Maintain your dignity as this immature, passive-aggressive man illustrates for you precisely why you deserve better.
    Of course, your mind is racing and you're going crazy inside! It's an awful feeling to be shut off with no explanation, and your reactions are so normal. Please - start to realize that you will never get an explanation from him and that you will never get the proverbial "closure," either. Close it down yourself, as hard as that will be, walk away and focus your attention on finding someone a lot better than this difficult and self-indulged guy.

    Posted by Jetta March 12, 09 01:12 PM
  1. Reward him with the same kindess he has shown you. Delete his number from your phone and block him from contacting you. Most cell phone companies offer this feaature both for voice and text contact. Then write him a long, angry letter and get out everything you have to say. Don't stop writing until there is nothing left. Then reread the letter, tear it up, and light it on fire.

    Tada! Closure.

    Posted by AG March 12, 09 01:19 PM
  1. You must not accept this kind of behavior. If the Silent One is breaking up with you and just won't say so, that's bad enough, but there's not much you can do. If he's got a beef of some sort, though, he ought to act like a man and let you in on it. You may need to find someone else, whose emotional age is more than eight years old, knows how communicate, and is willing to do so.

    Posted by Bony Melon March 12, 09 01:24 PM
  1. I read an interview with Tom Brady last year that made me stop liking him. Basically he said that at the end of a date, he always tried to make the woman think something was wrong with her. Probably he couldn't come up with anything for Gisele, but anyway, it seems to me that that is what this guy is doing. It's cruel, plain and simple. As for what to do now, I agree with Take the High Road's advice (#14).

    Posted by Sasha March 12, 09 01:25 PM
  1. DO NOT take the advice of previous posters and go over his house!! Who even CARES what his weak "explanation" is!! He was probably going to break up with you anyway, just let him go and be his weirdo self somewhere else!

    Posted by Pearl March 12, 09 01:26 PM
  1. Jack Bauer has stolen your boyfriend's mobile phone, locked him in a dungeon in the basement and is fixing to make a coat from your "roomy" boyfriend's skin. Call Clarisse! And you just wanted to sit back and feel bad for yourself? Where is the love?

    Posted by agentwalker'sfreckle March 12, 09 01:32 PM
  1. why is the title of today's column "Baby did a bad, bad thing" - there are no baby's in this story; just an immature adult with attitude and a young woman bending over backwards trying to deal with him. The title belittles the problem - and each member of the couple in an unproductive way.

    Posted by gizelle March 12, 09 01:34 PM
  1. Rico says:

    Sorry I was busy all morning to respond earlier...No Rico doesn't treat his (past) girlfriends with disrespect and Rico is happily married after many years of the dating scene.

    As for the curious girl...It is obvious the relationship is over. Why he was calling was to break up with you or to confront you about some issue. Move on, don't go to his house, call, email, text or send letters etc...That only makes you a crazy stalker. You have no children with him or any on the way I assume so why get yourself all worked up over it. Go have yourself a rebound weekend and get back in the groove. Most likely he's been seeing someone else and it just happened that she worked out better for him.

    You mentioned calling again and again, emailing, texting etc...that to me is disturbing enough then you mention going to his house??? Please, have some respect for yourself and walk away gracefully. There is nothing worse than a whiny, woe is me psycho stalker ex-girlfriend. How old are you?

    Love always,

    Rico

    Posted by Rico March 12, 09 01:38 PM
  1. I need to hear what Rico has to say...he seems to know best.

    Posted by Jasmine March 12, 09 01:42 PM
  1. I definitely think that you shouldn't go to his doorstep. I agree with Russell in that he has committment issues that are showing now that you are around a year.

    Posted by Peter Avallone March 12, 09 01:44 PM
  1. I was in a similar situation with a woman I dated for 13 months. She stopped returning my calls, texts and wasn't home when I went to visit her. I even sat outside her house for hours on end waiting for her to get home. I found out a week later that she had eloped with my "best friend". Although I doubt this is the situation here, I would definately end the charade and break it off with him.

    Posted by Peter Pipi'opi March 12, 09 01:44 PM
  1. My man did that to me recently and I kicked him to the curb!

    Posted by Andrew T March 12, 09 01:48 PM
  1. I had a stalker or two or three or...and let me tell you; you sound like one of them. Did I date you? Probably a relationship he wanted to end a long time earlier but was trying to be nice. I tried to be nice and all it got me was a stalker or 2 or 3 etc...Seriously, if he hasn't called after 5 days you are an idiot to keep trying unless he knocked you up or owes you money. Go get a blood test and make sure you don;t have some STD then go out and live life.

    Posted by beenstalked March 12, 09 01:51 PM
  1. meredith,

    Are you involved/married?
    I think you are gorgeous!! and smart to boot!!! ;)

    Posted by Josh March 12, 09 01:52 PM
  1. Rico has an addition:

    There are 3 sides to the story. Yours, his and the truth. What is his side of it? You say little disagreements, he may say big fights. Look in the mirror and then tell us all again what the story is. I wonder if you might change a few things? Whatever you do, don't stare at him or get drunk and stop trying to contact him, obviously if he wants to talk he'll call you. I am sure he got the messages. Welcome to life, it's tough sometimes.

    Anyone else have a question for Rico? I will gladly answer on here if you'd like.

    Thanks all for reading

    Posted by Rico March 12, 09 01:57 PM
  1. Reverse Guilt. Cheated on you.
    Get rid of your significant other.

    Posted by susan March 12, 09 02:08 PM
  1. The fact that he has returned your texts at all (however lame) signals to me that he wasn't trying to just dump you. If he was trying to just rid himself of the relationship, he would do just that and cut off all ties.

    I agree with some other posters and Meredith: Leave one last call. Be strong and dignified and tell him that if he is open to it, you are willing to talk it over, otherwise, this will be your last phone call. And make sure it is just that -- your last phone call.

    As hard as it might be to find a silver lining in all this, rest knowing that as much as you miss him, your life will be better off without him throwing these fits.

    Good luck. :(

    Posted by Kate March 12, 09 02:12 PM
  1. It is over. There is no need for an explanation or awkward follow up. The best thing you can do right now is be strong and make ZERO effort to contact him. Take some time to examine the relationship that was. Look at him objectively. Is he someone that you really felt was right for you?

    If he cracks and comes back, if you have decided he was right for you, then arrange a sit down with full disclosure expected. If you have decided that he was not right for you, then if he comes back, ignore him and continue moving on.

    At this point, you need to show strength, not weakness. Go about your business however pained and confused you may be at this time. This too shall pass.

    Hoss has spoken

    Posted by Hoss March 12, 09 02:21 PM
  1. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

    Posted by Been around March 12, 09 02:27 PM
  1. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

    Posted by Been around March 12, 09 02:27 PM
  1. I think reading a Tom Brady is a far greater transgression than what this lout committed, but that's just my opinion. Heed the words of William Shakespeare who wrote; "To the curb thou doth goest."

    Posted by Anonymous March 12, 09 02:28 PM
  1. It's all about control. If he isn't breaking up with you then he's setting the stage to control you. Don't call him anymore you've done enough. The key to a successful relationship is give and take. If he isn't grown up enough to discuss his feelings or perceptions then it will only get worse not better.

    Posted by RLSRD March 12, 09 02:30 PM
  1. OR he's a possessive control freak - and you MUST NOT have work to do, friends or family,HE MUST ALWAYS BE FIRST, especially if he's on the phone with you - HE IS CEASAR! OBEY CEASAR! HAIL CEASAR! And he's probably a batterer, and always was & will be....RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM EVEN IF HE CALLS & PRETENDS TO WANT YOU EVEN MORE THAN EVER.......

    Posted by Been around March 12, 09 02:33 PM
  1. MOVE ON! That is it -simple. You called, you texted, left message, and he never responded. That is all... as we say " Next?"
    Now for Lizzy... and some others here, not all men are pigs, neanderthals, "rear ends". Why you say Of course, he is a man? THen in the same thought you say if a BF do that to you, you would be going crazy? Which is it, sweetie? You despise men but have to have one attached? I think you need as much advice as Curious here..
    So to recap - NOT all men are pigs, but this one does not deserve your time anymore... move on!

    Posted by Rican March 12, 09 02:35 PM
  1. Well here's a little tidbit of avice i've learned through the years of dating men. You can't trust them. One minute they are all lovey dovey and the next they are sneaking around playing tickle me timber with the neighbor. I've seen it a million times. Curious, I honestly think your man not only has trust issues but i think he's hiding something as well. If he can't give you the common courtesy to explain himself than ditch him...

    Posted by ThorNton March 12, 09 02:47 PM
  1. If he can't communicate.. especially if you honestly have no idea what the issue is that he is upset about. Then you have even bigger issues girlfriend.

    If you think he's 'the one' and you are in love with him - call him and leave a message - either he calls you and explains to you what the issue you or you assume it was to break up and no return call will make that final. Otherwise dump the a$$. And honestly that would be my first instinct to tell you anyway but I'm ONLY saying give him a break in case you DO really love him - and maybe he needs help communicating!

    Posted by KimberlyM March 12, 09 02:51 PM
  1. Curious, you need to step back and see how important this guy is in your life. If he is playing these games he's not worth it. Relationships can be confusing. I myself just realized/found out/admitted to myself that my bf of 3 years is actually dating a girl on the side! You're worth more than a slimeball who doesn't give you the time of day after 10 months!! Girl, get out there and have some promiscuous fun!! :P

    Posted by Ryan A. Thorburn March 12, 09 03:00 PM
  1. I agree with all above. Passive Aggressive control freak. He wants you to beg, cry and demand an explanation to make him feel important. Don't waste your time baby girl - instead don't even try to get in touch with him. Pack up anything you might have, leave it with a friend of his or mail it to him. Start dating immediately to get your mind off this idiot. Waste not one more tear, thought or emotion on him - that's exactly what he wants. This is a pure control thing.

    Posted by Liz March 12, 09 03:14 PM
  1. You've made several attempts to contact him by phone, emails, and text messages. Plane, boat, train or Santa’s sleigh he’s got your desperate cry for help and chooses to ignore it! What message aren't you getting? Do you really think that he doesn't get it? Please move on ........he has..

    Posted by Suzanne March 12, 09 03:16 PM
  1. Hmmm ... there are more important things in life than sitting around thinking of WHY he did this to you ... take Red Sox games for example!!! Lol

    Keep smiling and listen to your heart! :-)

    Posted by Felty March 12, 09 03:28 PM
  1. I dealt with girls like this before...I am a guy that has dated multiple girls at a time and when I decide which one(s) to keep in my "portfolio" I find a way to make them sort of dump me instead of looking like the bad guy dumping them. I have made myself seem too busy for a relationship or made a girl feel like she wasn't giving me enough attention etc...usually ending up with them just walking away. Unfortunately there is the random girl/woman that becomes a little bit crazy and stalks. This is usually because I am just that good in bed and a great overall guy so the women just can't seem to let go so easily. They think they can change me for the better (their project) not knowing that I have duped them from day 1. Sometimes I have actually used women purely for my own satisfaction of having an easy "friend" for a night when I need her around or the late night hook-up. I have done this for 10 months or more at times and with multiple women at a time so it is nto surprising to hear this girls problem. Learn your mistake and move on just like everyone is saying.

    Are you hot? Maybe I can add you to my ever rotating portfolio?

    Posted by Guy that has done this March 12, 09 03:54 PM
  1. I have the same perdicament with a lovely lady for whom I pine...........here's a hint(she writes this article)

    Posted by Josh March 12, 09 03:57 PM
  1. Although she doesn't know who I am. But still!! I know how it feels i guess:(

    Posted by Josh March 12, 09 03:59 PM
  1. It could be a number of things. But it doesn't actually matter what the reason is -- the only thing you need to know is he is bad news and you should stay away.

    He is using the not telling you as bait to get you to stalk/harrass him to beg him to call you back. It's his way of getting the attention from you he feels he deserves. By calling him, going over to his house, trying to ask him for an explanation, you are playing right into his manipulative tactics and giving him exactly what he wants.

    I disagree with the final phone call or issuing an ultimatum. I'd just walk away.

    If he can shut you out like that, he's not someone who cares about your feelings, respects the bond you two supposedly have from 10 months of dating, or treats you like a trusted adult.

    I wouldn't be surprised if you don't call him that he'll seek you out to try to get attention from you again. Personally, I don't care what he would say to you if/when you talk. Actions speak louder than words. He has proved himself to be passive aggressive, manipulative, unfair and childish.

    Posted by Umber March 12, 09 03:59 PM
  1. Don't let people treat you like dirt, period.

    Posted by Selfrespect March 12, 09 04:04 PM
  1. Comment #30 ... Peter Avallone...

    The Irony! I dated Peter for over a year and found myself in the same situation as poor Curious! If this is the same Peter Avallone that never returned my calls/texts/emails/smoke signals (LOL), you have some 'splaining to do!!!!

    Forever,
    Lonely in Brighton A.K.A Stevie b

    Posted by Stevie B March 12, 09 04:06 PM
  1. I don't think he can check his voice mail and text messages while on an alien spaceship. None of the cell phone companies guarantees that kind of coverage yet.

    Posted by Amit March 12, 09 04:07 PM
  1. how do you dump someone in your mind???? Everyone needs closure. I've heard of very few situations where a significant other just stops calling unless it was after a few dates, not 10 months. Or a long distance relationship.

    It's pretty clear he is done. If you're going to lose sleep over it or if it's going to affect you day to day get answers. If you don't need answers, dump him in your mind. Whatever that means.... Leave the melodrama

    I like everyone avoided the standard "get therapy" responses.

    Posted by rock March 12, 09 04:11 PM
  1. He sounds like a controller & abuser...run

    Posted by Mary March 12, 09 04:16 PM
  1. Did your ex by any chance wear a yellow hat and trenchcoat?

    Posted by Curious George March 12, 09 04:24 PM
  1. Man, I don't miss dating. I'd rather get a root canal with no anesthesia. My opinion is forget about him, he's either not that into you and was/is trying to break up or he's a lunatic. Either way, you need to be done with him.

    Posted by GetOverIt March 12, 09 04:29 PM
  1. Maybe he will call you to the Springer show to tell the truth

    Posted by papi March 12, 09 04:57 PM
  1. Ten months is long enough for him to be a big boy and communicate like a gwown up. Its also about the time that someone with " intimacy issues " starts looking for a reason to cause a split shop. I agree, give him a last chance. I dated a guy for almost three months......he was supposed to come over for Sunday dinner.......it was all planned, and then he just pulled a " no show ".
    It was pretty humiliating. After I cooled off and gave him some choice words, I realized that it was his plan to sabotage the relationship at some point, one way or another. Ask him up front if that is what he's trying to do. Good luck

    Posted by Jenny March 12, 09 05:28 PM
  1. Sounds so familiar, I was dating a woman for several months. One day she just vanished into thin air, emails stopped, texts stopped, phone calls stopped. she even blocked me on Yahoo Messanger. Well 3 days after our last conversation, her status on Facebook changed to ENGAGED!!!! Not to me either

    Posted by Joe March 12, 09 07:04 PM
  1. Some people WANT to be stalked. Don't fall for it.

    And I can't believe people like this guy exist. I hope you send him the link to this column!

    Posted by window March 12, 09 07:12 PM
  1. RLSRD and Liz have it right. This is true even if, as I suspect, you were a little harsher in getting off the phone than you meant to be, and your feeling guilty over that has driven you to make many attempts to get in touch.

    Meredith, watch out. Rico is gunning for your role.

    Posted by Did Tom Brady really say that? Citation please March 12, 09 10:38 PM
  1. Rico doesn't want her role...I think he wants Oprah's or Dr. Phil's role...I don't think the Boston.com blogs are big enough for Rico's ego. He is brilliant and straight up and very amusing at times...but maybe he ought to start small and work his way up. Either way he seems to be better at his advice than Meredith.

    Posted by Tom Brady's response? March 13, 09 01:08 PM
  1. And, Did Tom Brady..., here's the bit I was referring to.

    Dates? "Whatever you do, keep 'em short. You can't let them know you're that interested. I try to get this across to my best friend. He's really into this girl, but I keep telling him she's got to leave that date thinking, What's wrong with me?"

    (Sorry, couldn't cut and paste the link and the quote into the same comment.)

    Posted by Sasha March 13, 09 07:49 PM
 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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