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Celtics love advice!

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  April 23, 2009 10:51 AM

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In honor of the playoffs, I’m finally posting love advice from the Celtics. Big Baby was too busy to dispatch words of wisdom, but team legend Jo Jo White and Mr. Personality Dana Barros were happy to step in.

I gave the guys two classic love letters (the cheater and Creepy Staring Guy) -- and one unpublished letter from a reader who is insecure about his height.

You'll see the letters below with videos featuring Jo Jo and Dana. Feel free to leave comments about their advice … the men in green can take your criticisms.

You can read yesterday’s chat transcript here.

Go Celtics/Bruins/Etc.,
Meredith


Love Letter 1:
Q: I have been married for over a year and love my husband with all my heart, always have and always will. About 4 months after our wedding I drank way too much wine and his best friend and I briefly hooked up. It has been eating me up inside ever since. I am now pregnant with our first baby and am wondering how I can move on mentally from this. Is letting time pass the only way to "forget"?
-- Kate08, Boston



Love Letter 2:
Q: I am in a strange situation. I'm attracted to a girl who works in my office. She sits in the same area but works for a different team, so there is no chance of going out for lunch together because it would be awkward. I started to stare at her to show my interest. For last 3-4 weeks she has done the same thing. Now she stares at me 10 times more than I stare at her. I said 'hello' and talked to her on 3 separate occasions and she said hello and talked in a polite manner. The situation now is that she shows her interest (I believe) by staring at me on various occasions throughout the day. When our eyes meet she keeps looking for longer than usual but doesn't smile. She looks a bit stressed for some reason (which I am sure is because of this situation between us). She is always attentive towards me and looks at me whenever changing her sitting position. The problem is, when we are in front of each other (example, in kitchen, etc) she acts strangely and looks at the floor and does not make eye contact with me, though I keep looking at her to talk. I am confused about what's going on in her mind and what I should do. She doesn't give me a smile, nor does she looks offended by something (may be she did not like me looking at her). Also once I talked to her in a usual manner she seemed a bit nervous to me. The next day when we saw each other in the office she did not say 'hello' and walked past me. I said 'hello' and then she gave a nervous smile and said 'hello' and then again started to look on the floor. She is not a shy girl and comes across very confidently with her colleagues (mainly male). Can you please tell me what is in her mind? Shall I ask her out???? If yes, then how and when?
-- John, New York



Love Letter 3:
Q: I am a 5'5", 38 yo male. I have wit, charm, intelligence, not obnoxious in any way (I think), but those general & subjective characteristics aside, fairly average + in looks & demeanor. It is my impression, going back a long way, that tall guys always get the girls. Women deny this when directly asked, but I have read empirical studies that paint a different story. In quieter moments, my women friends agree a taller guy is more attractive to them on an initial meet. Some women are bold enough to state their minimum height requirements as if they were buying a truck ("at least six feet tall"). Being likely a lot taller than average, I don't imagine you've experienced the disadvantage of male shortness, but would you agree that height is distinct advantage? Have you ever seen it overcome without an overabundance of another quality (charm, money, flash, etc)?
-- BrightonBob, Brighton


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44 comments so far...
  1. Rico does not like watching videos on websites and therefore will not be dispensing any advice today.

    Enjoy your Thursday,

    Rico

    Posted by Rico April 23, 09 11:48 AM
  1. Rico wants to give advice to the guy who is worried about his height...

    Here is what Rico is thinking:

    Rico says you need to stop worrying about something you can't change (unless you want to go through a ridiculously painful, timely, and expensive operation to have yourself "heightened") and focus on who you are and what you have to offer. You are too busy worried about your height and what others think and probably failing to take a chance. You need to know who you are, what you are and then go out and meet people. If you are focusing on your height then others sense this and will see it. If you go in with confidence and your head up that can add a few inches to your so called height. Height is not just your physical stature, it is also a state of mind.

    On the reverse side there are people Rico knows that are over 5'8" but seem to him to be about 5'4" so someone who may be taller can come across shorter and someone short can come across taller. Maybe you are meeting the wrong people? Maybe you are trying to date girls that are "out of your league". Rico does believe in this to some extent and even has his own classification for this. Rico likes to say "Are they picture compatible?". What this means is if you can see yourself in a picture framed with the other person there is a chance. Sometimes people are not picture compatible...YES RICO KNOWS LOOKS ARE NOT EVERYTHING but the reality is that physical attraction usually starts there.

    Rico will go on record to say that he does believe height is important and looks are too as well as how a person dresses, walks etc...but don't get yourself hung up on something you just can't change realistically.

    Rico is around all day to see what others think and loves feedback form his readers...he is looking forward to the comments today.

    Love always,

    The one and only, RICO

    Rico

    Posted by Rico April 23, 09 11:54 AM
  1. Rico, are you going outside today to enjoy the beautiful weather?!

    Posted by Situation April 23, 09 12:15 PM
  1. Why isn't Jo-Jo White in the Hall of Fame?

    Posted by Leo Villani April 23, 09 12:32 PM
  1. This comment is directed towards John from NY. I agree with Dana you need to go up to her ASAP and just bluntly ask her out. Life is too short and if this girl is a psycho then you'll pick up that vibe on the first date. I would do it tomorrow because it's Friday and everyone loves a Friday...spirits are high. Plan a little din din outside somewhere because it's gonna be a nice weekend. Like Dana said get it crackin' because you don't want to be hung up on a girl that isn't worth your time. That's my advice... lets go!

    Posted by Nowit Ol' April 23, 09 12:35 PM
  1. Rico - why do you always talk about yourself in the 3rd person?

    Posted by Diem April 23, 09 12:42 PM
  1. This comment is targeted to Kate. First off...blame it on the A A A A A A Alcohol...haha i'm kidding just needed to get it out. I would def. not tell your husband. You both are happily married and having your first child. Time heals all wounds (not really but it sounds good). I would forget it push it back way deep in your brain. As far as the best friend is concerned...for all he knows he probably doesn't even think you remember the whole incident. You were trashed and temporarily attracted to his best friend who cares. You just briefly hooked up it's not like you you did anything more. DEF. DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Let it be!!! Be good Kate!

    Posted by Nowit Ol' April 23, 09 12:43 PM
  1. For every woman who likes a tall guy, there's another who prefers a shorter guy. My husband is 5'8", and only one of my past boyfriends was taller than 5'10".
    It's nice to be able to look into his eyes without straining my neck :)

    Posted by Noel April 23, 09 12:46 PM
  1. This comment is directed to Bob from Brighton. The way you described youself was good except for the fact your 5"5 which really mean your about 5"4 1/2 hahaha. Naw Bob i'm kidding with you. I actually know from experience that most girls don't care how tall you are as long as your taller than they are. You being 5"4 1/2 (jk) your still taller than 1/2 of the most beautiful women on the planet, so feel good about that. I will have to agree with Mr. Barros again by stating that pulling out and exposing your best quality is the only thing you can do. Screw your empirical studies...just the word empirircal is making me nausiated...geeez. Approach girls with confidence and swagger and we will have no problems getting girls...as short as Bouges or as tall as Manute Bol. Look at all the short italian mobsters that got all those girls...when you go out pretend your Joe Pecsi...you'll be fine!!!! "How do I amuse you...you mean like a clown"

    Posted by Nowit Ol' April 23, 09 12:55 PM
  1. Whoever posted question # 2 - You sound like a stalker. Rico says you need to tell her your true feelings and let it all out. Work is for months, but Rico says love is forever!

    Posted by Ricola April 23, 09 12:58 PM
  1. I'm 5'11" and a woman, and therefore in the minority around all you short people. I don't think I could ever be attracted to a man less than 5'10". It's awkward. Not even the best face and a great personality would sway me.

    Posted by Sessa April 23, 09 01:24 PM
  1. To John in NY: Blatently staring at women in any setting can come off as creepy, especially at work. She may be staring back because she's trying to figure out what you're up to, what you're thinking, why you can't keep your eyes on your work - I get the impression that it makes her uncomfortable and is causing her to appear stressed. When she shifts her seat she may be watching you to make sure you're not looking for an extra flast of leg, skin, panty line, etc. If she's not smiling or forthcoming with any overtly positive contact of any kind, I'd recommend backing off so you don't get slammed with a sexual harrassment suit (staring = unwanted sexual attention). If she is indeed interested and is just absolutely terrible at showing it, she'll approach you.

    Posted by Nic April 23, 09 01:26 PM
  1. To the guy worried about height: I found that as women get older (30 plus), height (and even looks) is less of an issue, and the man's character and stability is more important. Maybe its an issue on the initial meet, but I don't believe this the main thing for a lot of women. In fact, I know a guy whose 5 ft. 5 that a ton of women are into because he's got a fun personality, and two very attractive women with boyfriends no taller than 5 ft. 5". Some times I even think women like shorter guys. I grew up with a complex about my height (ultimately ended up 5'9"-but was much shorter than average growing), but got over it by accepting myself for who I was-and, then, women started looking at me with a lot more interest. One things I do know is women are into guys that are funny and make them laugh- let the height thing go, and you'll be in good shape.

    Posted by Sportsfan68 April 23, 09 01:29 PM
  1. Go Celts!!!! I thought it was pretty cool to have J.J. and also Dana Barros to give their take. I agree with Dana; and she should forget that it happened and move on don't do it again. J.J. says "come clean"; I don't agree, because her husband would make her life hell, or however long the marriage lasts - he'd throw it in her face every chance he gets. And again "Go Celts" !

    Posted by Been around April 23, 09 01:39 PM
  1. I liked Dana's straightforward, clear, and senseable answers to the questions. I had a difficult time hearing Jo Jo. I found the whole thing entertaining.
    Women should check this out. There's nothing like an honest opinion from the opposite sex.

    Posted by Frogeyes7 April 23, 09 01:46 PM
  1. How tall are the women you are approaching? There are plenty of short women, ahem, would would love a short man.

    Posted by JustForComments April 23, 09 01:57 PM
  1. I am one of those women who could never date a short guy. I am 5.8 and have dated guys my height and taller. Above 6 ft is definitely preferable. But the average woman is only 5.4, so you have a chance with them!

    Posted by L April 23, 09 02:10 PM
  1. Sessa and all the women who are caught up on a guy's height, you are missing out on your blessing. What does it matter if a guy is of the same height, shorter or taller than you?

    What matters the most is the way the person treats, respect, supports and enhances you. Anything and very thing else is secondary and insignificant. You all will learned so as you get older and live puts you on your ass!

    Posted by jeannax April 23, 09 02:21 PM
  1. I am about 5'9" and I have nailed at least 6 or more women taller than me...it's not about the height but about the length!!! Attitude will get you where you want to go.

    Hey Rico, what is this operation you speak of? I'd love to be 6 feet tall. How much and where do I sign up?

    Posted by birdfan April 23, 09 02:28 PM
  1. For the woman who cheated, either tell him or dont but at least be responsible and go to a therapist to figure out why you did it. "I was drunk" doesnt cut it. I'm married and I've been hammered but I havent cheated. There is a reason why you did it so I suggest you understand and come to terms with it so it doesnt happen again especially if you are bringing a child into your marriage.

    For the guy who is staring at the chick at work, Either she thinks you are a creep for staring at her, she is shy about liking you, or she likes you but she is in another relationship. You should start with some casual conversations about work or whatever when you can or try making her laugh when you catch her looking at you. You might as well go for it and see what happens or you will drive yourself nuts. If she's not interested she will at least be flattered.

    For the guy who is short, dont sweat it too much. First of all women are probably more self-consious than you are so while you are worried about being short or whatever, they are just as worried about their weight, hair, zit, etc. Aside from that, my wife has single friends in the city who are dying to just go out on a decent date with someone who isnt a douche bag. I hear all of their horror stories and if you can just hold an intelligent and humerous conversation, keep her interest, and value what she is saying you'll have a "leg up" (get it? leg up) on most the the idiot guys out there.

    Posted by Rico's supervisor April 23, 09 02:29 PM
  1. Dear Sessa and L:
    So you can dunk over your boyfriend...Just because you're a (pick one) Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, Cryptid, doesn't mean your good fortune won't change. Believe me...if you found yourself a paraplegic, your precious "list" of what you want in a man would need revision. 5'5" would look awful good from a wheelchair. Never say never.

    Posted by valentino April 23, 09 02:34 PM
  1. Bob -
    As a 5'1 female who's recently started seeing someone only an inch taller than you, I will tell you it's refreshing not to have to stand on a freakin' curb to have to kiss someone anymore (haha). You'll find alot of us short women will agree with me.

    Posted by me April 23, 09 02:41 PM
  1. I'm with you "L". I am another one of those women who like a tall guy. I am only 5'4", but I have always been attracted to guys taller than me & older than me(smile). I would never date a guy shorter than 6 feet. I love looking up to a guy, and feeling like he is my "protector" but anyway I digressed. But to each is own, every women is different, so Bob keep ya head up, your "queen" is out there somewhere.

    Posted by What to say April 23, 09 02:41 PM
  1. Jo Jo seems retired in more ways than just from the NBA. Barros' advice hints at d-baggery as a positive trait for guys. The responses previously seen here for "The Cheater" and "Creepy Staring Guy" were better and more in touch with the quotidian lives of real people. As for BrightonBob, does he have a little voice that goes "peep peep peep"? The Lottery vids were inexcusable.

    Posted by Bony Melon April 23, 09 02:42 PM
  1. For once I am in agreement with Rico! I don't watch internet videos. But I will comment on the letters:
    1. Define "hooked up a little". If you did not sleep with this guy than FORGET about it! It's still not right and you should not have cheated, but it happened. If you did sleep with this guy... UH OH... I think the guilt will eat you up if you don't tell. But your husband may never forgive you. Especially since you chose to tell him NOW when you are pregnant with his kid and he may feel trapped.
    2. I think you have a schizophrenic personality disorder, in which you are creating emotional situations from things that do not actually exist. She is probably staring at you because you are staring at her and creeping her out. She is nervous around you because you are scaring her. Move on to someone you actually talk to and don't just stare at. Ignore her.
    3. I'm not going to lie. I am attracted to tall men. Always have been. Always will be. I'm 5.6". However, my female friend that was 4'11 thought men that were 5'5 WERE tall. So go find the short women. Yes tall men and attractive women have an evolutionary advantage even in this day and age. It is proven because it goes back to evolution. Men react to women they are attracted to in a certain manner due to reproductive fitness. Women are the same with tall men. Tallness has a correlation to physical prowess "hence he can hunt and take care of me" evolutionary strategy. That being said, if I met a man that was perfect for me, physicality wouldn't matter. That all fades away when you find someone you love. There is a difference between love and attraction. We are not animals. Good luck.

    Posted by Joc April 23, 09 02:52 PM
  1. Sessa-
    How about dating 2 dwarfs (LP) of 3' each?

    Posted by valentino April 23, 09 03:12 PM
  1. Sensible AND Funny.

    The most entertaining part about all of this are the comments from Rico. Why doesn't he have his own column?

    Posted by girl April 23, 09 03:18 PM
  1. Wow, there's some really awful advice to the 5'5" guy. First of all, never start an advice posting with "Well, I prefer tall men, but...." Way to make him feel good, ladies.
    New England is full of small women, if you'd rather have someone who's shorter than you. I'm only 5'4", and I can safely say I'm taller than many of my girl friends. My taller girl friends tend to be insecure about their height, as women who are small are considered "cute." That's why they go for taller guys. But here's the thing: I have found all kinds of guys attractive, no matter their height. It's all in the way they carry themselves. Are you funny? confident? easy to talk to? That's all you need! The height issue goes out the window when you find a nice guy.

    Posted by Small is Beatiful April 23, 09 03:34 PM
  1. This is directed to BrightonBob... I realize that being a short male can be demeaning, and a shot to your pride, but you shouldn't let it bother you so much. I am 5'11" and have dated many guys who are much shorter than I am. The height didn't matter to me because their personalities were the best. Now, I am engaged to someone who is 2 inches shorter than me, and I don't even notice the height difference. I fell in love with his personality...which is what women should do with you. If a girl only cares about the fact that she can "look up into her man's eyes" then she isnt the gal for you. The woman you're meant to be with will love the whole package. Be proud of the person you are... You have a lot to offer!! :o)

    Posted by MissRedSox19 April 23, 09 03:34 PM
  1. I'm also 5'11 and though I've dated men shorter than me, it is really, really difficult. One inch shorter is one thing. Three inches is another -- let's be honest here.
    So, yes, I prefer a man my height or more. But, as someone pointed out, the average woman is 5'6 or so. Mr. 5'8 should have no problem finding a woman shorter than himself.

    If these shorter women, like #19, stuck to the same principal, there'd be no problem for anyone. A woman of 5'4 looks ridiculous with a six-foot man.

    Posted by lisalisa April 23, 09 03:46 PM
  1. Well, I am single, so I guess you all have a point. Okay, all you 5'5", start calling. I'm awatin!

    Posted by Sessa April 23, 09 03:46 PM
  1. Not all women prefer tall men. I am five foot two, and any great guy my height or taller would have made me happy if he had the personality and values I was looking for. My husband isn't significantly taller than I am, and I think he is just right.
    My mother's cousin is a rather short guy, about my height. He met a woman about his height, and they have 3 beautiful children. The boys happened to grow to be a little taller than their dad, but not by much. One of them recently married...another short woman. They are very happy. I think attitude is everything when it comes to finding your match!

    Posted by merilisa April 23, 09 03:48 PM
  1. Nicolas Sarkozy (president of France) is short and look at his wife! Carla Bruni is a total babe!

    Posted by c April 23, 09 03:48 PM
  1. To Kateo8,
    you made a mistake....you feel bad about it....it's tearing you up inside.
    Too bad for you!
    If you love your husband and don't want to ruin what you have with him....don't say a thing. The only thing you would accomplish by telling him is taking your burden and making it his....when he is not the one who has done wrong.
    However, if you think he is going to find out from his friend...or friend of friend...or one of your friends that you've told.....then your screwed. nice going, hope it was fun.!

    Posted by nco April 23, 09 03:59 PM
  1. I love men in general, no matter what their height. Height means nothing to me. (A disclosure: I am 5' 2" - and yes, 5' 2", not 5' 1", Nowit Ol' .) I love their personalities; I love their geist. I married a man of 6'; one of my best lovers (in the past!) was just a few inches taller than me. I jusy dig men, and I prefer their company to that of women. Wait - I prefer my own company, but when I have to be around other adults, I prefer men. I send my partner to see his women friends so I can be alone and do my projects. So - no worries! Just enjoy life - be a hedonist, like reindeergirl. Now Kate and Meredith both: why do so many of these letters involve alcohol? Why can't people just STAY SOBER when out and about? Now Rico: It's Merdeith's column, not Rico's.

    Posted by reindeergirl April 23, 09 04:08 PM
  1. birdfan... Very classy.

    Posted by Truman April 23, 09 04:22 PM
  1. Kate08 - married only four months and hooked up with your new husbands best friend - what kind of bottom feeders are the two of you? Don't tell him. If he has any shred of self dignity, he'd leave skid marks. What you did is unforgivable.

    Are you sure it's his child?

    Man, John and BrightonBob, you guys think you have problems.....

    Posted by bohica April 23, 09 04:49 PM
  1. Sessa-
    I need a foot stool to reach the pay phone. I'll call you tonight when the rates are lower......ahahahahhahaha.

    Posted by valentino April 23, 09 04:57 PM
  1. girl-
    Dapperdan sees you have a well developed sense of humor. He can see the hilarity of this Rico person from his knee-slapping posts. Rico's a regular Shecky Green.

    Posted by dapperdan April 23, 09 05:10 PM
  1. For the short fellow, I'm 5' and very cute and available. You sound terrific so if you are ever in Manhattan., ... To John at work, you want to "know what is going on in her mind," no one can tell you. Simply ask her out. That will end the mind games which might be frightening but will move you on to something more promising.,

    Posted by Elin April 23, 09 05:40 PM
  1. @Girl #22
    Rico says, Remember that there are many of me. Some of the best advise Rico has dispensed is from his foes (fauxs?). (Um, that was for you, Valentino. So was the spelling error.) Be grateful that Rico's ego spawned an array of anti-Ricos who (again) outrico the Rico.

    Love to each and EVERY one of you, but especially Meredith, who has made me possible.
    Rico

    Posted by Rico April 23, 09 07:44 PM
  1. Valent - I - no, look at comment #57 from April 21.

    Posted by Reeko April 23, 09 07:48 PM
  1. Hi everybody:
    I want to thank you all for your perspectives. For what it's worth, it's not something I dwell on, and I'm well aware of my strengths. I almost never think about it. Being older, I'm trending to internet dating, and I can't seem to shake the idea that my height in my profile is working against me. I've read posts on boston.com where a guy at 5'7" is referenced as "a midget". Love stinks, yeah, yeah.
    Thanks Meredith for posting my letter and thanks to the Celts for taking the time. I read the column every week, and I always look forward to the Rico posts.

    All the best,

    Posted by BrightonBob April 23, 09 11:01 PM
  1. I'm a 5'11" female, and my bf is a bit shorter than me...to be honest, my only problem with it is with me - I feel tiny next to a guy who's 6'5", you know? And I don't feel tiny often. But this one could be The One, because of everything else he is. There's always going to be someone taller/funnier/richer/whatever, but that person might not be the best match. Just bring your amazing self to the table, and those qualities will seriously shine.

    And yes, there are short girls who only date guys who are 6' or higher - but really? Do you want them? Or do you want someone with different priorities?

    Posted by StillWearsHeels April 24, 09 08:57 AM
 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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