Office love is confusing

Hey G/C,

I know how you feel. There are ALOT of Tasty Babes at my workplace. I find it hard to have office relationships that really work too. One thing you can do is try having lunch dates with your lover. I take girls on lunch dates all the time (even if they have bf's already, or never call me back). It'll give you some time alone to connect on a personal level outside of the workplace. My favorite spot is Sidebar, where their roasted meat specials are delectable. Also, when you finish work, try relaxing with your lover and getting away from the hectic lifestyle you endure during the day. Perhaps you could try a, hot tub, or a nice night staying at a prestigious hotel.

I agree with Meredith. I worked with a boyfriend at one point and there was no mushy stuff in the office - he was a smart guy I worked with and the fact that we went home together at the end of the day was nice but beside the point when we were trying to get a project out the door. If it's working outside of work, what happens (or more preferrably, doesn't) in the office shouldn't be an issue. You can develop a code to text or email that says "thinking of you" or something, if you need that - but again, will you be beside yourself if you don't get those secret messages as often as you think you should? Do you really want that sort of distraction during your work day? What are you looking for, really? And what does he want? After a year, it seems that it might be time to sit down (outside of work) and talk about where is this going/what do you want to see happening and determine whether you're both in the same elevator, so to speak, or merely in the same building. Good luck!

Meredith correctly sniffed this out in short order. The letter is couched as an “office romance” issue, but clearly something else is amiss in this relationship. Working together, as long as your employer is okay with it (i.e. not in the Employee Handbook, no direct reporting to said person, conflict of interest, etc.), then I don’t see that as any reason why you’re being kept “from moving forward” with your relationship.

To pinpoint, my concerns: Why don’t you “control” when you see each other?!?

I smell a rat.

FWIW, no red blooded, self-respected, male will ever use “working too many hours” as an excuse as to why they cannot spend quality time with his girlfriend. Enjoying each other’s company in many ways (physical, emotional, etc.) is one of the things that makes being apart and working so many hours tolerable.

As a frame of reference, I met Mrs. Hoss through work. We were colleagues. A friendship developed into a relationship. We did our best to keep it under wraps (so to speak) at work, but people are not dumb. It doesn’t take long to see through the façade. After that, we didn’t deny anything, but we worked really hard at keeping it professional in the workplace. Picking our spots to take a walk together, go out to lunch, etc., but even then, never displaying any PDA’s, even during our lunch excursions out of the office because there are eyes everywhere. During outside of work time, we progressed our relationship. When it got to a serious point, we made career changes. From there, we went on to get married , have Hoss Jr. and Little Miss Hoss. But I digress. Enough about me, I don’t want to lapse into an inflated ego type monologue like the multiple Rico’s that I’m sure will chime in today. No offense to Rico, Frico, FansOfRico, Puerto Rico, Chico and the Man, etc.

I’m going to guess that you both are young (early 20’s) and that he is not as interested in advancing the relationship and is using the economy and work situation as an excuse.

Time to have an honest talk with him about the current situation and where you two go from here, or don’t go from here…

That is all the time we’ve got for today. Best of luck.

- Hoss

Hopefully we can have one day without Rico ruining this...

Rico believes in the saying of not eating where you deficate as well...he also thinks this:

Rico thinks that you need to grow up! Rico is guessing you are in your early 20's and you are a needy whiny type of person. Look, that is not a knock, Rico just calls them as he sees(reads) them. If you can;t handle the situation then you need to move on to a new one. Either of you has a chance to get a new job. Yes the economy is lousy but there are jobs out there if you are good at what you do and start to actually look. Laziness is not an excuse, it is a handicap. Rico is curious why he suddenly went full time versis staying part time? Did he have another side job that failed? Did he finally grow up and realize he neds to actually work for a living? Sounds to Rico like two immature people met at work, hooked up, had more feelings than they expected and now they are whining about wanting more time together.

Rico does not like whiners, he doesn't like negative people and he is tired of hearing why the writers can't do this or can't do that. You can do it, you just have to actually make the effort.

Rico suggests that this weekend you begin a search for one of two things and your boyfriend do the same. Either start looking for a new job or a new significant other. Rico assumes you are both young so you both have a chance to grow up and meet someone else. Stop whining and do something about the situation other than writing for help from Rico and his readers. Even meredith sounds like she has nothing for you.

Rico is very tired today, it has been a long week so lets all have a group hug and get some fresh air and try to enjoy the weekend. Gears not Gas, Green is the new Black...Get that vitamin D if/when the sun comes out and be real.

Love always,

Rico

Ok-M is right. What is the real issue? I married a co-worker. It can work. You seem unhappy with the progression of the relationship. Here is what you said:

"We've talked about the general pace of how we want things and slow is truly better for each of us. But, now that it's been over a year and I know how I feel about him, I want more flexibility and time together... "
He works many, many hours and we hardly spend time together during the week."

Seems like you simply want more time. So tell him. Are you worried he is not ready? There is only one way to find out. Good luck.

It sound like you expect more to develop out of your relationship than he does. I'd suggest that you sit down and discuss what's really going on when you two are not too drained from work demands. What happens though if he wants less contact and wants to date others? How will you two deal with that scenario when you see him in the workplace?
That's why I won't date anyone in my immediate area. It's potentially too complicated when things go "south", which isn't uncommon. Mr. Hoss is lucky to have found Mrs. Hoss on the job. All I ever found was headaches and bruised feelings.

Honestly, your problem seems trivial and easily corrected. Take the relationship by the horns and spend more time together out of work or find a nearby meeting place (park, closet, whatever) to rendezvous when the need arises at work. Even if you work 80 hours per week and sleep 8 hours per day, that still leaves you 4-5 hours/day to spend enjoying meals, working out, hitting the sheets, and getting some alone time. If it's love, you'll find a way to make that work. This economy forces everyone to sacrifice a little, but my sympathy is reserved for those that TRULY have no control over when they see each other -- our men and women in uniform and their spouses. So, unless you're here and he's stationed in Afghanistan, then your 'lack of control' is artificial so stop complaining. There are people who would kill to spend as much time as you do together, even if it isn't the perfect environment.

Note to others:

Rico had a lot of spelling errors and he apologizes for this. He is very tired as noted in Rico's first letter of the day.

Rico stands by the fact that this writer is a whiny needy person. Rico will add that the fact the BF doesn't seem to be making enough time for her is an indication that maybe he realizes that the relationship is at its end. due to the work situation? Rico doubts it, probably he realizes she is needy and he is just not up for that right now.

Rico thinks it is great that it worked out for Mr and Mrs Hoss and thinks that his solution of moving on to different employers was a wise choice. It only solidifies what Rico has already said.

Meredith, could you please try and find some less whiny "woe is me" type letters to post? Seriously, Rico wants to see some real good stuff to think about and sink his teeth into.

Rico loves the environtment, be good to mother nature please, pick up your trash and while you are doing it help out and pick up a random wrapper or two and do the world a favor. Kindness begins at home but extends to our streets...

Love always,

Rico

Tibbs...Rico thanks you for your comment...he said it and you said it too and Rico bets others will as well. Rico is so glad to see your calculations too, very impressive and interesting. Rico hopes the writer writes back so we know she is reading that we all think she is a whiny complaining immateur person in need of a dose of reality.

Love again and always,

Rico

This is a bizarre letter and I suspect that there's more going on. Most couples do not work together and a lot of people work a lot of hours and somehow manage to have relationships.

G/C -- how many days/nights/hours do you think the two of you should be spending together? You are allowed to have your own lives even if you're in happy relationship. If you care about each other and both truly want to be in this relationship, you will find ways to make it work and the sacrifices are totally worth it.

My BF and I work totally different jobs with totally different hours. Sometimes it's hard and yes sometimes I wish we could have weekends off together like "normal" couples. But we find creative ways to spend time together, and those times are extra special because we don't take it for granted.

I think it G/C is just looking for a way out of this relationship, or doesn't realize that real relationships aren't the perfect romantic situations you see on tv and in the movies.

Rico is back to add some additional commentary:

Rico has contemplated this further and suspects that this is a phony letter. Perhaps some sort of ruse to try to throw Rico off his game and embarrass Rico. Well, Rico would like all of his faithful followers to know that although Meredith was fooled, it did not work on the all knowing Rico.

Rico does not like fakers, he doesn't like negative people and he is tired of people wasting his time here with their fake Rico comments, their anti-Rico comments, and just the overall negative energy.

Rico suggests that everyone come to terms with the fact that Rico is the bike chain (GEARS NOT GAS!!!) that moves this blog and the comments that get pulled along in the bike trailer behind it. Do not try to submit phony letters to Meredith and DO NOT mess with Rico in the comments. Rico believes that this reflects poorly on the priorities and time management of the commentor.

Rico encourages all the haters to get outside and absorb the unique atmospheric conditions that Mother Earth has bestowed upon us on this fine May Day. Rico hopes that with a little introspection, fresh air, and intermittent drizzle, Rico’s readers (pro and con, it does not matter to Rico) will be able to move one iota closer to the all mighty and all knowing Rico. Peace now, and reflection from this day forward.

Love always,
Rico

If you need more time with then tell him. I met my husband at work, two kids and 16 years later it can work. Just figure out what it is you are looking for.

Rico,

1. Break the prozacs in half.

2. Get a job.

3. Apply ice to your head to try to bring the swelling down.

4. Respect the hostess (Meredith).

5. Cease and desist all soapbox preaching about unrelated topics, be they enviromental, corporate, digestive, biological, or whatever else you have been spewing here.

You have overstayed / over-commented your welcome here. We have all discussed this and I drew the short straw and therefore am the one who had to tell you this. No hard feelings, but now you know the truth. We feel like in order to continue this relationship, we had to present this to you directly. If you cannot live by these guidelines, then please move on to the "BoMoms" blog.

Regards,
The Love Letters Readers/Commentors

PDW thinks Rico should run for President!!!

G/C are you serious? This is the work place, lets keep it professional. He seems like a hard working guy focused on his career. You need to do the same. Stop being so needy, especially at work. Talk to him and see how he feels about spending more time together. If possible have a lunch date 2 or 3 times a week. Cook him dinner after a long day. Stop complaining, suck it up, and make it work. If you keep acting like a needy little girl, you could drive him away. Look at it like this. If you didnt work together, you would see him even less (he works many, many hours). So take advantage of the time you do have together. Also think of this "Absence make the Heart grow fonder"! Make him miss you too!

Nice try, Jon. But no such luck.

Tibbs is right! This relationship should work if both of you want it to. You should feel lucky to see each other everyday and not care what happens at the office. He's probably just trying to be professional. Make more plans to get together after the workday and don't put so much pressure on what happens from 9-5. Most of us never have the option of seeing our significant other during this time anyway, so see it as a bonus to what you make of your time together on your own. If your relationship outside of work isn't enough then this issue has more to do with how he's feeling about it as a whole.

I've worked with my boyfriend at the same office, on the same floor with the for the past year and a half. I understand what G/C is saying because often it's a tease that you work with your love everyday yet you are often too busy because of work to see eachother on the weeknights. It's a weird unexplainable tease!

But, like the reader's comments, I also acknowledge that there must be something amiss with the rest of your free time. We acknowledge when we are busy and missing eachother and we certainly make up for it on the weekends. You need to take the time to make the time.

G/C, stop whining....you are very lucky you found someone who you really enjoy being with, and who enjoys being with you as well. You both have jobs (and in this economic climate, consider yourself very fortunate), and you can both see each other easily. Now, not being able to control your time together.....wah, wah, wah......if you two were married with jobs, and kids, you would have even less time together, and you would have even less control over that. MAKE the time for one another...maybe once a week, go out for lunch together, just the two of you. Make it YOUR time together....or one night a week, or something like that. Find a way to make what time you do have together special. Quality of quantity is usually best!

I don't understand this letter.

COMMENT #13 -

Preaching to the choir.

Rico - you suck. Get a life.

Rico says not too many ladies lift garbage cans, so I never have the same problem. Rico says it best that you make money too, as Rico knows that Momma's basement gets smelly during the summer. Rico thinks that maybe you need to find a real man, and maybe if you disco you meet Rico.

Love always,
Rico

goodness, doesn't anybody like there alone time -- if i worked with someone day in and day out and then saw them every evening or several evenings, i would want some alone time -- maybe i'm just a hermit but my favorite times are walking outside with my dog - just me and the dog --

Anyone who continually writes in the third person in this context has more issues than can be adequately addressed here. However, this thread is about office romance, not a stylistic perspective. Eh, so what? Office romances are ubiquitous, opportunities to criticize an annoying writer are far more precious.

I think Meredith has nailed this one. Your problem is not the workplace, it is what is going on (or not going on) beyond the workplace. I think he is pulling away from you. This is why workplace relationships can be so difficult. It is hard to navigate the vagaries of any romantic relationship and interacting with that person in the workplace (and all of the attention that gets) makes it so much more difficult.

Everyone at work knows and accepts about the relationship and yet you are feeling like there's something weird going on between you - and work is certainly not the place to discuss it. I think the problem is that you sense that the two of you may have been growing apart for a while and that seeing each other in the workplace now seems a bit awkward when there's this weirdness in the air. There's really only one way to deal with this, which is to have a conversation with him - but I think you will be disappointed with what comes up in that conversation.

"Sasha says":

Hoss is in the saddle today. Like to imagine you and the missus on horseback and the two youngins on their ponies trotting alongside.

Tibbs: Well put.

United Love Letters Audience: Absolutely brilliant. Hard to choose, but I think the "BoMoms" bit was the best.

Rico: You brought this upon yourself. With a little help from Alvin and his pals.

Rico and His Fans

Rico don’t be discouraged. Your Fans, they aint so hard to understand.
Rico if you try now I know that you can lend a helping hand.
Because there’s good in every one, and a new day has begun.
You can see the morning sun if you try.
And I know things will be better. I know they will for Rico and your Fans.

Working together is not ideal, and is an additional stressor on a relationship. My partner and I do not work together, so I can listen in a very detached way to the answer to "honey how was your day?" and vice versa. Within half an hour, work is left behind and it's onto personal time.

When couples work together, the topic of work invariably surfaces during leisure time. In this case, the other half may not be able to listen in a detached way, and it can be very irritating if s/he does not see things the same way and comes across as a contradictory coworker instead of a supportive partner. Judgments are also made about how good a worker the other one is, which may affect the perception of the other as a suitable mate.

There are three primary facets here: work life, personal life, and relationship life. Balancing these three things is important whether working together or not. If you can learn how to balance these successfully while working together, that is great. If not, one of 'em has got to go. Obviously, eliminating one's personal life is the least healthy of the options, so either the work front needs to change or the relationship. Good Luck!

I love Rico to death, but the posting about breaking the Prozacs in half had me laughing out loud at my desk!

No fishing off the company pier.

Seems pretty simple to me.

COMMENT #13 -

Preaching to the choir.

Rico - you suck. Get a life.

Working together is not ideal, and is an additional stressor on a relationship. My partner and I do not work together, so I can listen in a very detached way to the answer to "honey how was your day?" and vice versa. Within half an hour, work is left behind and it's onto personal time.

When couples work together, the topic of work invariably surfaces during leisure time. In this case, the other half may not be able to listen in a detached way, and it can be very irritating if s/he does not see things the same way and comes across as a contradictory coworker instead of a supportive partner. Judgments are also made about how good a worker the other one is, which may affect the perception of the other as a suitable mate.

There are three primary facets here: work life, personal life, and relationship life. Balancing these three things is important whether working together or not. If you can learn how to balance these successfully while working together, that is great. If not, one of 'em has got to go. Obviously, eliminating one's personal life is the least healthy of the options, so either the work front needs to change or the relationship. Good Luck!

Is this really all this woman has to worry about in her life? She sounds like she's making up things to fret about, seriously!

My husband and I met at work. He was one of my bosses. We kept things very professional during office hours, but keeping the relationship a secret in such a small work environment was impossible, yet we did nothing to embarrass ourselves or our co-workers. Twenty-five years later we are still going strong and i still occasionally fill in at work. The secret to success? As long as he does what I tell him to do, there were and are no problems! And one more thing, lay off Rico. He is a wise man.

Too much Rico.

Hoss be warned....

There is more going on here than the letter suggests.
Here's what I think: She's needy, he's trying to distance himself from her.

Et tu, U.L.L.A?

Rico's response is this:

1. Break the prozacs in half. (Rico doesn't medicate)

2. Get a job. (Rico has a job, wife, child, and a life he is very happy)

3. Apply ice to your head to try to bring the swelling down. (Rico wasn't hit by any blunt objects so no swelling to be dealt with)

4. Respect the hostess (Meredith). (Rico respects Meredith and has actually given her credit when he feels credit is due)

5. Cease and desist all soapbox preaching about unrelated topics, be they enviromental, corporate, digestive, biological, or whatever else you have been spewing here. (Rico loves to spread nice thoughts, if you don't like it then you need to move to some other country that doesn't allow for free speech. Good luck wherever it is you are going and don't forget to bring a bike)

Rico enjoys commenting and will continue to do his besst to spread his advice whether you agree or not. This is a public forum hosted by Meredith not by some communist regime controlling the thoughts of its citizens.

Rico thinks you need a hug, maybe go out and get some fresh air and relax.

Rico loves all, even those that criticize him :)

Love always and have a great weekend,

Rico

IF you're going to dip the pen in company ink guys you better be ready for a full-on relationship. I knew that if you shag a girl a few times they will get emotionally attached even if they say otherwise but I did it anyways like an idiot. (she was hot) It went to hell pretty quick when I did not want her as a girlfriend so that sucked. I had to somewhat avoid her until she finally got the over it and banged some other worker. It then became his problem thank god. Moral of the story if you go there you better be wiling to go all the way. The Long Haul.

Rico rocks

MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...........

Rico is a pathetic, sad little man.

Based on the final paragraph in her letter, it seems to me she has already come to a few conclusions :

1> She likes her boyfriend very much.
2> She likes her job very much (and is appreciative that her boyfriend has a job, too)
3> She doesn't think these jobs are giving them both the time they need to spend together AWAY from work
and, finally,
4> She feels that she was working at this job FIRST, therefore, she shouldn't have to give up her job.

What she's really asking is : "How can I get my boyfriend to find another job without actually asking him to find a new job?"

Without knowing what profession they're both involved in, it's difficult to answer that question. Suggestion : Set a timeline of 6 months and re-evaluate the situation then. In the meantime, don't be so concerned what other people think. Life is complicated enough as it is... There are no easy solutions.

You have to discuss this with HIM - not egomaniacs like Rico, or female-biased columnists like Meredith. She's okay - but everything always seems to be somehow based in the actions of the male in the relationships. (eg. "Is your boyfriend using your work situation to stall?")

Maybe this girl is being unreasonable and expecting too much, too soon, too easily. Maybe things aren't following her fantasy-life dream timeline that seems to be instilled in women as early as they're able to talk. Nowhere in her letter does it mention anything about her boyfriend feeling this same way...

It's so great to hear all these office romance success stories. I am engaged to a man I met at work and continue to work with. We have a great relationship both inside and outside the office. Why? Because we are mature adults that understand time and place. We also understand whether the other is busy, stressed, or working a lot and needs to get stuff done. Work is a place for... well... work. It's not a place to display, progress, or advertise your relationship. You have to seperate the two worlds and be confident that, if he loves you he loves you, you don't need constant attention or reinforcement to prove that. I suggest you evaluate your relationship by thinking about what it would be like if he worked somewhere else and had the same workload and hours. Would you still have written the letter? Would you be more understandig of the time he needs to spend working if it weren't something you were so close to?

I think you also need to weigh if you would rather have a partner who was hard working, dedicated, driven, and employed to one that is working part time, or is demotivated or apathetic? Perhaps some of qualities you love about him are the same that make him such a hard worker and those you should appreciate in all contexts, not just those you pick and choose.

IF you're going to dip the pen in company ink guys you better be ready for a full-on relationship. I knew that if you shag a girl a few times they will get emotionally attached even if they say otherwise but I did it anyways like an idiot. (she was hot) It went to hell pretty quick when I did not want her as a girlfriend so that sucked. I had to somewhat avoid her until she finally got the over it and banged some other worker. It then became his problem thank god. Moral of the story if you go there you better be wiling to go all the way. The Long Haul.

ULLA -- Agreed. I've been skipping Rico comments altogether. They make me very uncomfortable, like I'm watching a train wreck. BoMoms deserves him.
G/C --Beware of the I work too many hours excuse. Make sure you keep in touch with your friends and aren't ditching them for your boyfriend, go to the gym a lot, make your life about your life, not his. If he can't keep up with your pace, consider kicking him to the curb. Or find a nice private stairwell and have a killer makeout session once a week!

Rico loved the prozac comment too...Rico actually laughed. Rico is a very smart man and very humble too :)

Can Rico buy the globe? PLEASE

Love Rico

Why do you need so much attention from him at work? Those of us who maintain relationships with people who are not our coworkers don't have the luxury of even exchanging glances with our significant others during the work day. I rarely speak to my boyfriend during the work day, as we are both WORKING (you probably should be too if you don't want to be looking for another job right now...). It also gives us something to talk about when we get home. Get over yourself and enjoy your professional relationship when you're at work and your romantic relationship during all those other hours you spend with each other outside of work. If you can't learn to separate the two, you're probably not meant to be together.

Laurie is 100% correct in her statement about alone time. Whether you work together or not, everyone needs time alone. If you think you don't, okay, but your partner probably does. This is not a reflection on you, your realtionship, or how they feel about spending time with you. It's not always all about you. Having time away from each other (and often away from everyone) is healthy to a relationship and to your own mental health. I know I look forward to mine!

Rico-la-
Now we know what Jesus and Lance Armstrong must have gone through as a gang mentality worked to bring down goodness and light. Being self-centered isn’t a crime. In fact, if everyone (besides you) knew of the wonder you disseminate with your healthful and environmental words; we might be able to cure the Arab-Israeli conflict with stem cell research. Just be sure to choose your bicycle seat wisely. We don’t need a diminished love life letter before you reach the demographic. Hope you don’t miss your cycle…

The problem is that Rico has too many wannabes...the real Rico is getting blamed because of all these imposters. Just let the real Rico write!

Rico ceased to be funny the day he started in with the sunshine and moonbeams routine.

Hoss is now #1.

Hoss rules

Enough with the hate speech people! Remember the name of this forum?

LOVE LETTERS

So Rico likes to chime in, as does Hoss, Valentino, The Dude, etc. Interesting that they all seem to be men...I digresss.

The point of this forum is to help others, not insult the people trying to do just that...help! Yes, sometimes tough love is the proper medicine (G/C needs it), but attacking people who want to geniunly help is not cool, a waste of your time, a waste of our time, and of Meredith's time for sure!

Let's keep the forum for what it is, healthy debate for the letter writers. Even if they are stupid!

Cheers!
indiglodoe

PS - Rico, bring on your opinions, but DO NOT insult our wise and beautiful hostess!

Seriously-
What 20-something guy would want to work with his gf?
I'm a woman. I'm a 20-something. Guys need space, they don't WANT their gf's around 24/7- it gets a little gross.
They don't have the opportunity to do 'guy things' when the gf is around all day/night. They don't get to joke with the other male co-workers what a piece of tail "Dotty" from pay roll is. Etc.

You need to find your own job and find your own identity.
Or one of you has to go. Guys that say "they love being with their girlfriends all the time are either liars", or not men that utlilize their testerone very much.

Abstinence makes the heart grow harder…

This Rico guy is all right by me. He puts all of you self absorbed phonies to shame

United Love Letters Audience: Best post of the day!

He's not into you and is afraid to break up with you since you both work together.

I think you need to be more independent and stop being so needy.

He's not into you and is afraid to break up with you since you both work together.

I think you need to be more independent and stop being so needy.

As someone who's going through this now, it strikes me as odd that you feel you can't move forward in the relationship because of your boyfriend working long hours. Do you have similar jobs?
My boyfriend and I work together, not in a supervisory way, in related jobs. We MAKE each other leave the office at a reasonable hour so we can spend time together. Our time together is too important, and we want to have a good work/life balance. We both work hard, we push each other to succeed, but at the end of the day, it's time to call it quits and head out and be a couple. I'd examine your relationship for other issues to see what's up before doing anything drastic with your job.

I heart Rico! But does Rico heart Rico?

Met my husband at work. While we never dated while we worked together, after we got engaed, he got a 2nd job to help with the bills. I got a 2nd job too. When did we see each other? An hour before bed and an hour in the morning.
You can make the time if you want to.

Meredith ....why did you ask the question "I assume he's not your superior?" and not the other way around "I assume you are not his superior?"

I also didn't understand this letter.

I agree with indiglodoe, if you can't say something constructive, don't say anything at all. Choose another blog to vent your frustrations upon nameless others. This column will not survive if those who request assistance and respond are afraid that they will become battered and belittled in doing so. Other regular responders to this blog all have a unique voice, philosophy, perspective, all of which bring a texture and 3 Dimensional quality to it. That's what I enjoy most about it. So to those who don't enjoy reading the various responders, please go somewhere else or enjoy the diversity! We Rock!

Hi G/C,
Your letter really spoke to me because I’ve been in your situation before. I met my ex-boyfriend through work (same department, different teams). For us, dating definitely put undue pressure on our relationship because we were in such close proximity. It became exhausting trying to keep it under wraps, and then deflecting gossip when people found out. Like you, we struggled with finding time outside of work to hang out because of conflicting schedules. My ex was also really unhappy at work and said he wanted another job, but he never ended up pursuing anything else. We seemed stuck in an unhealthy place that prevented us from moving forward, just as you seem now. In the end it became too much and he ended things. I was miserable because I had to see him every day. We tried to remain friendly but it was very difficult to focus on work with a broken heart and my ex just a few feet away. Eventually I decided to find another job because I had to remove myself from the situation to move on. We even tried to get back together, but it turned out that he still wasn’t willing to give me 100 percent. It sounds like you also want more than your boyfriend is willing to give, and that might not change even if one of you does leave your company. My advice is to heed these warning signs—it’s been over a year and you’re not getting what you want; he might never give it to you. As much as it sucks dealing with a work break-up, it frees you up to find someone who wants to spend as much time with you as possible—and that’s worth it.

I too feel like there is something else going on that wasn't mentioned. I'd have to guess that the vast, vast, vast majority of adults do not work with or around their significant other - i.e. they're not going to run into them on a daily basis while working. And many have jobs where you can't "control" when you see each other- doctors on call, police officers working graveyard shift, etc etc. So, all those couples manage to go 8 plus hours without seeing their S.O. and hugging them, why can't you? Instead of thinking about the times you run into him as negative ("nor can we have real hellos when we do, a hug would be great but not professional") think of it as a positive thing- you, unlike 99% of the people out there, get to physically see him during the day. I mean, what's a "real hello"??? Jamming your tongue down his throat? Mounting him right there in the office? Hugging and kissing like some junior high kids making out in a corner?

I would look at those times as a sexy little game... making eye contact, knowing you can't hug, kiss, lovey-dovey hand-holding stuff. Maybe send him a text saying you just undressed him with your eyes. Maybe meet him after work at a dark and dingy bar. Or totally ignore him at work, don't even look at him, and then later when you rip his clothes off, tell him that you get so excited when you see him at work but can't do anything about it. MAKE IT ABOUT SEXY FUN, NOT NEEDINESS.

The letter seems a little off and I think that Meredith's advice is dead on. Your love life happens outside of work, not in the office. My husband and I met at work and because our relationship violated company policy, we kept it under wraps even through part of our engagement, until he was ready to move onto another company. We literally worked in adjoining cubes and it didn't affect our life outside of work. Do you spend weekends together? Hang out one or two evenings during the week? Have a circle of mutual friends? Know each others' families? If all of that normal, progressive relationship stuff is happening outside of work, relax about what's happening in the office. Be a professional, etc. If the normal relationship stuff isn't happening outside of work, then work is just an excuse for other problems in the relationship. Address those.

#42 - I agree, and I am a "fishing off the company pier" success story (Married 12 years, 2 kids, etc). Sounds like it's something OTHER than work that's keeping him away

You know, I was having such a cruddy day, and reading ULLA's post made me laugh to the point of crying.

Rico- I'm sorry, but your 3rd person, high-horse, all and mighty, "know-it-all" commenting needs to stop. You want to be helpful, stop putting your 2 cents in.

And Hoss... you do rock. Keep up the better commenting on "Love Letters".

MEREDITH,

I'M NEVER READING THESE "LOVE LETTERS" ARTICLES AGAIN BECAUSE OF RICO. I"M SICK OF THIS BEING ABOUT HIM. GOOD BYE MEREDITH.

I love to get some of that at work. The guys and I all compare notes about who we have "had" too... it's great fun.

Hey, Rico. How does it feel to be liked by the likes of Nash?

@ my darling...
That was a clever post!

Is missredsox19 hoss' wife? seems like it or hoss loving himself a little too much?

Rico has to love himself. How else can you love another if you can't love yourself? I don't think he is full of himself either, he is just dispensing his opinions whether you like them or not.

the jealousy of other posters on here is hilarious

I enjoy reading each and every one of the responses and get a kick out of the ones that write about the people responding. I know it is about the letter but really, it gets funny to read people making fun of others responses.

Rico, hoss, etc...keep writing and those commenting on their writings do the same. It's in the constitution, voice yoru opinion. Be heard, and keep me entertained.

It's tricky...you spend 40 hours a week together. That's way more than most couples see each other. However, there is nothing quality about the time you spend together at work. It seems quite possible that your bf feels like he spends all day, everyday with you so he's not going to be as inclined to then spend weeknights and weekends. That's an awful lot of time to be around one person.
Maybe try to avoid him at work. Make him miss you a little bit more and want to make more of an effort to see you outside of the office.
It definitely sounds like the work environment may have slowed the progression of your relationship, like you said. If you didn't give us a time frame I would have guessed that the relationship has been going on for a couple of months instead of a year given the level of uncertainty that you're at.

United Love Letters Audience,

Amen and Halleluiah! I'm glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks that Rico is a self absorbed ass.

Rico- newsflash. This is Meredith's column, not yours. Go start a blog if you are so interested in playing host. Meredith, I enjoy Love Letters despite the fact that you are trying to be usurped by some obnoxious contributers.

Forget the letter, this Rico stuff is getting out of hand. Meredith, you need to take back your column, or give it up to the Meredith Wannabees. Also, I do not appreciate that 'defecate where you eat' comment- too crass for your column.
thanks for keeping it a bit more classy the next time.

My guess is this couple works in the service industry or wherever they work it is on opposite or overlapping schedules. I think they probably work long hours and really only have time to sleep. I work in the service industry and between friends, family and keeping up with my own health I find its hard to keep up a real relationship with almost anyone I meet and I don't even work odd hours. I'm in my 30s and can be set in my ways. After a certain hour I just don't want to see or talk to anyone I don't care how I feel about them. Sometimes work is just so draining esp when you work 10-12 hour days. I never understand how everyone insists that people will always find a way to be with the person they care about. Sometimes circumstances just get in the way.

Forget the letter, this Rico stuff is getting out of hand. Meredith, you need to take back your column, or give it up to the Meredith Wannabees. Also, I do not appreciate that 'defecate where you eat' comment- too crass for your column.
thanks for keeping it a bit more classy the next time.

I only wish I could have an office romance.I often wonder how it would work out and how diplomatically it would go if we were to end it.This is the only place I meet woman these days and these woman are cute!(versus saying Hot than being called a pig)Anyway it is very tempting but I also know if I catch them at the wrong time or ask in a suggestive way,which I wouldnt how much trouble I would get into.probably alot.So I guess I go along lifes path never getting the chance to find out.Or as my motto goes"I cant, but others can"ask them out.

G/C, the best advice here is from WareyWoman #64. That's probably how you got together as a couple in the first place, no?

For somebody who claims to dislike whiners, Rico does alot of whining himself.

Rico is back after a nice dinner and relaxing glass of RED wine. Lets all be heart healthy, folks.

To poster 47 who calls himself or herslef Rico is Great, thank you for that, but even Rico doesn't think he's great, just above the fray and humdrum thinking or whatever passes for thinking these days. HOWEVER, Rico must take issue with your complementary post, and that is that Rico did NOT LAUGH at the prozac "joke." Rico takes the notion of medications very seriously, look at yesterdays letter about the husband with the medication that stopped him from loving his own wife (you know what I mean by loving, of course). Please folks, don't act as if prescription medication is a laughing matter.

Love, and hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Rico sure will.
Rico

I'd like to offer a big "me too" to the comments and to Meredith, in that there's obviously something weird going on. I'm personally not sure if it's that he's distant, or that you're clingy, or the other way around, but -- and here's a totally blind judgment -- I don't think mature individuals with a deep connection would find themselves struggling so much, or at all, with this issue. If I were you, I'd really sit back and assess the situation.

Also, I agree with Rico: why are so many of these letters from whiny kids? Surely people must be writing in with more substantive problems.

G/C's situation is just another reason to avoid office romances. The temptation to date a co-worker is sometimes too great to think about what can go wrong. I totally see G/C's man pulling away from her. Then the awkwardness will begin. Work will then become 100% uncomfortable until either G/C or her man leaves the company. It's happened to me and it wasn't fun, as in I hated going to work for the next year until my g/f quit.

Keep this in mind: even though you work at the same place, pretend that you don't. You don't want to be gossip fodder even if everyone knows you're a couple. You will be respected only if you behave with the utmost professionalism. And think about this: maybe because you see each other at work, your boyfriend doesn't feel the need to make that much of an effort to make plans outside of work. So cool it while you're at work and maybe things will improve outside of work. Also, you didn't say what interests you have in common. I would be willing to bet that most of your conversations at home have to do with workplace issues. Try talking about anything BUT work once you are outside of the workplace. I'll bet your relationship improves. It's also kind of a test; as someone else mentioned, if you find it hard to have a conversation about other things, then maybe this relationship doesn't have a solid foundation.

Shecky is wisest, Hoss is funniest,
Yo Rico got toner

I don't see how this is an office relationship problem. He could just as well be working at another company and working long hours. Sounds like your relationship is lacking something. Why on earth would you cut back hours to spend more time with him? That is just weird.
My husband was working 40 hours a week and in class 20 hours a week - and studying in most of his free time. Its about cherishing the time you do have together. Now he's out of school, but we have a baby, so we have even less time together. I know few couples who get the hours they want together, but that doesn't keep their relationships from going forward.
There are quite a few couples at my office, lol, it happens pretty often. everyone is very professional and you would never know . Give that a try.

I basically agree with all the comments that something else is going on. I met my husband at work, and we still work together today almost 3 years from the day we met. In the beginning we kept things very quiet, didn't tell a soul. But outside of the office, we had a normal relationship that was everything you would expect a new relationship to be. The fact that we work together has never effected how our relationship develops and grows nor has it ever held us back, which should be obvious since we are now married. Something isn't right in this situation, my guess is the old Sex And the City line..."he's just not that into you."

Meredith;
Where did "I'm assuming that he's not your superior, by the way." come from? That was like a slap of sexism that even this old ex-Army guy is surprised by.

I find Meredith's comment "(I'm assuming that he's not your superior, by the way.)" hilarious! She's automatically assuming G/C can't be the superior.

I agree with LeBron and I was a g/f and it was miserable for the last year for both of us and the only thing I could really do was quit. I suppose there were other options but we were both so completely uncomfortable that I broke first. I would avoid it at all costs and yes, unfortunately at the office, people talk about these things and you become an "item" well before you think anyone else knows It's distracting to both of you if you're in close quarters. Quite different advice if you work for the same company and you're in different offices and rarely if ever run across each other.

I cannot figure out HOW or WHY ANYONE would even THINK ABOUT - let alone GO OUT WITH SOMEONE THEY WORKED WITH. WORK IS WORK. PLAY IS PLAY. AT WORK YOU WORK. AT PLAY YOU PLAY. Keep it simple.