A disclaimer from Meredith: When this letter arrived in my Love Letters InBox, it was too risqué to post on Boston.com (we’re a family website, after all). But because I believe the reader’s question is valid and worthy of our discussion, I’ve decided to post it -- with all of the writer's R-rated phrases replaced by my G-rated euphemisms. I'm asking that you use my euphemisms in your comments so I can post them. I love a good euphemism, don’t you?
Q: I am a 30 Year old male. I have been dating a wonderful woman for 2.5 years. I would describe everything about her as perfect except for one thing. She absolutely refuses to [make me a grilled cheese sandwich]. Now I want to ask her to marry me, but the thought of going the rest of my life without receiving [grilled cheese sandwiches] is definitely a worry. I fear I may resent her eventually, or possibly feel the need to seek [grilled cheese sandwiches] out somewhere else when enough time has passed. It has already been 2.5+ years since I last experienced a [grilled cheese sandwich]. It is starting to consume my thoughts. I don't know if this one thing is enough to be a deal-breaker. Everything else is perfect. I don't know what to do!
-- [Needing Grilled Cheese], Boston
A: NGC, have you talked to this woman about why she’s so opposed to grilled cheese? Do her reasons seem valid and specific (past trauma, health issues, etc.)? Is there any room for negotiation? Has she always been opposed to grilled cheese or is it just specific to you?
You must tell her that the lack of grilled cheese is standing in the way of your commitment. I know it’s difficult to say – it sounds so petty and selfish -- but I’m here to tell you it’s a valid concern. You’ve probably heard this before, but disagreements about sex and money are usually what end relationships. If you’re resenting her now, fast forward 10 years. It will get worse.
Grilled cheese sandwiches are awesome. Especially with tomatoes and fancy cheese, like Brie. But some people would rather eat them than make them. And some people are allergic to them and can’t go near them.
But you’re not allergic. You like them a lot. If your girlfriend can’t come up with a grilled-cheese compromise, yes, to quote the wise Liz Lemon, this may be a deal breaker, ladies. Is the rest of her perfect enough to balance the sexual incompatibility?
Readers? Am I wrong? Can one live without grilled cheese if it’s their favorite food? Should a 30-year-old have to make that sacrifice? Share your thoughts here. And remember -- be respectful, G-rated, and thoughtful. Not like I need to ask. You guys are pros.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.