I keep having this memory of roller skating in my basement with my sister back in Maryland. We’d listen to "Thriller" like 100 times in a row, and every time the tape got to "P.Y. T." I would think, "I love Jake Limbert." He was my 9-year-old crush. And that song made me want to marry him.
If you want to tell me any love-related Michael-Jackson-song memories with your comments, I would be happy to read …
Here's today's letter:
Q: Dear Meredith, I have a question on the expectations of dating for the younger people. I'm almost 24, and consider myself pretty normal and have my act together. I'd love to be meeting nice guys to go on dates with, but my issue is with the technology overtaking any requirement for basic chivalry. This is something I've talked about with many of my female friends, and they encounter the same thing! Don't get me wrong, I love my Facebook and camera phone as much as the next person, but I still like human interaction! Every guy I've been meeting -- concerts, trivia nights, bars, sporting events, doesn't matter where -- seem to have no sense of being a gentleman anymore.
When I give out my phone number, I never get a phone call! I'm always getting these "What's up?" texts, sometimes after I'm already in bed for the night, asked to make plans on text, entire conversations in text messages, or inviting me to "drop by" where they will be with their buddies anyhow before we've even gone out once! If guys don't like to talk on the phone, I'd be more than delighted with a 2 minute "Would you like to go to a movie/mini golf/coffee this weekend?" actual call that shows you'd actually like to take me out and thought about it.
If I let the text invite slide on that "guys fear rejection" slant, I still have yet to see a guy get out of his car and come to my door, if he hasn't asked if I meet him somewhere, never mind any holding doors or other little details. Even when we get to the car after the date, they don't even unlock my door first! Any of these individually may not be deal breakers, but the complete lack of any gentlemanly gestures time after time is making me crazy.
I may be a modern woman, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate some old-fashioned chivalry. What ever happened to first date most impressive best behavior? Am I stuck with this laissez-faire anything goes approach?
-- Old-fashioned Youngster, Salem, MA
A: OFY, To me, this isn't so much about chivalry and gender -- it’s about manners. I’d expect that any nice, straight woman would hold a door for a man or call him back or send more than a four-letter text or unlock a door. People should do that sort of thing no matter who they are, what they are, or who they’re doing it for.
You're right. Technology hasn't helped. Fear of rejection makes it worse on both sides.
All you can do to fight the battle is practice the golden rule -- treat others the way you want to be treated. Every now and then someone may follow your lead. If you make a real phone call, you'll probably get one in return.
Ahh ... I long to live in a world where people ask for mini-golf dates, unlock doors, and do more than just "drop by." Let’s start a movement, OFY, shall we?
Readers? Is there any hope for the 20somethings? Is this simply a 20something problem? Is it a gender issue or am I right to say it’s a human issue? Share thoughts here. Submit a letter to the right, you P.Y.T."s.