Thanks for so much feedback on yesterday’s letter. Hopefully, Press will keep in touch and tell us what happens. Here’s one about girls.
Q: Do I have to hang out with girls??? I grew up with mostly guy friends and feel like I "get" men better then I do women. However, now I am a married woman, happily, and I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to "make some girlfriends". I should add that I am not still close with many of my childhood friends. So it's not a jealousy thing. I think.
I see where he is coming from. He has a group of friends and we all hang out together. Some of his friends have girlfriends or wives and I get along okay with most of them. I even like some. But when it's "girls’ night out" I tuck tail and hide under the covers! I don't feel like I fit in with girls. They make me totally uncomfortable, and I always fail at my attempts at friendships with them. Having girls for friends is like having a "girlfriend". They get all mad when you don't call right back, they are always asking if they look fat, (and we all know they either are and need to hear otherwise, or they are rail thin and the question makes you sick), and furthermore, they want you to share your secrets to them while they are telling you someone else’s. And really, who needs that? I have two good friends back home, girls, and I feel no need to have more. When we all get together, I'm there. But "girls night out" NO THANKS!!!!!! Am I totally nuts?
- Glamgirl, Boston
A: Glamgirl, one of two things is happening here.
My first theory is that you’re the problem. I fear that you’ve spent most of your life in a romantic relationship and are now incapable of being accountable in a platonic friendship. I fear that you’ve preferred to be the only woman in a group because it means you’re always unique, always cared for, always the center of attention.
My second theory is that you simply haven’t found the right women. Not all women want to talk about their weight all day. Not all ladies want a ladies’ night out. The girlfriends and wives of your husband’s friends aren’t necessarily the right women for you.
Some people have trouble finding a significant other. Other people have good luck with love but have to go hunting and fishing for the right friends. You may have to hunt/fish. I'm here to tell you it's worth the effort. Having great friends -- female friends, to be specific -- makes for a more interesting life. At the moment, you're missing out.
It sounds like some of the women in your social circle do have potential. Perhaps the group dynamic is what turns you off. Have you tried hanging out with them one-on-one?
It doesn’t have to be “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” It doesn’t have to be “Sex and the City.” It doesn’t have to be the wind beneath your wings. But you should have some great women in your life. They come in handy, especially as you get older. My advice: keep an open mind. To assume that women aren’t capable of connecting with you in a rational way simply because they’re women is, well, sexist. Right?
Readers? Why can’t Glamgirl find girls she likes? Is it her? Is it them? Share thoughts here. Submit a letter to the right.