Good morning. I hope you got to see the update from our friend whose boyfriend took another girl to the Cape. Doesn't sound good.
Today's letter is about pot and a woman who smokes it. Help a guy who calls himself Press.
Q: Hi there...I'm hoping that you and or your readers can help me with a problem. About six months ago I met a girl that I am starting to really fall for. When we first met, she was in another relationship, so we were not spending allot of time together. She has since broken up with him, and we have started to spend some more time together. My challenge is that she uses marijuana everyday. Not for medicinal purposes...She just likes to be high. Sometimes she will smoke in the early morning before work, almost always at night when she gets home, and I'm assuming during the day on weekends. When she smokes, it changes her personality. I have brought my concerns to her attention, but to no avail. My question: Do you think someone can kick this habit for a relationship, or I am hoping for a miracle? Also, have any readers had a similar experience?
A little background: I'm 38, she is 27. We are both white-collar professionals with active social lives that involve us being in a bar once or twice a week. We both drink a little more than socially, though we are working on that. I have smoked marijuana in the past and will occasionally, maybe 3-4 times per year. Any help would be greatly appreciated...I know I canít have an on-going relationship with her if it persists.
-- Press, Boston
A: Thank you for being the first reader to admit you drink more than socially. Honesty helps with context.
Marijuana habits are difficult to address, mainly because theyíre more socially acceptable than, letís say, a cocaine addiction or sniffing glue. Regardless of its appropriateness, sheís self-medicating. The morning stuff is especially upsetting. The fact that she canít face work without a wake and bake is troubling.
You say pot changes her personality. You also say she smokes all the time. That makes me think you donít actually get to see her real personality very often. How well do you know her? After six months, what is it you're falling for?
Iím not saying she canít change. Frankly, I think sheíll have to curb the weed use as she gets older. But she may not be ready yet -- and youíre 38.
Tell her that youíre trying to curb your over-use of substances and that you wish sheíd do the same. Tell her youíre anxious to be the kind of guy who only drinks socially and smokes pot twice a year to giggle a bit. Tell her you really like her but (Iím going to steal your words here). ďI know I canít have an on-going relationship with you if your behavior persists.Ē
I canít say I have high hopes, but itís worth telling her how you feel -- that you have a foot-and-a-half out the door. It may be that you fell for her during a stage of your life that is now, somehow, over.
Readers? Thoughts? Will she be able to have her last dance with Mary Jane? Can she set her monkey free? Share here before I run out of drug euphemisms.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.